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#1852208 - 10/08/09 03:26 AM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
Thinker Offline
Member

Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 1632
Call your H. Tell him S7 has said he does not feel safe and would like to come home. Can you come and pick him up?

Just a pick up. Just logistics. No big deal.

Keep it to that.
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M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
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#1852209 - 10/08/09 03:27 AM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: antlers]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
I do not believe that the kids should dictate where they are when. However, I hate having to say no.

I'll call him.
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#1852211 - 10/08/09 03:29 AM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: Thinker]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: Thinker
Call your H. Tell him S7 has said he does not feel safe and would like to come home. Can you come and pick him up?

Just a pick up. Just logistics. No big deal.

Keep it to that.



H was with him when he called. I don't think I should pick him up. It will likely get out of hand and have very little time and H is leaving town for 10 days.
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#1852219 - 10/08/09 03:43 AM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Great, I overheard H telling the kids that I couldn't come because I need to go out and party.

what a f*cker.


Edited by aliveandkicking (10/08/09 03:44 AM)
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#1852238 - 10/08/09 05:38 AM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
He apologized for being an idiot.
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#1852260 - 10/08/09 10:24 AM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
MrBond Online
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11158
Apology or not. What have you been doing to take care of yourself to build up your self-esteem?

He's an @$$ plain and simple. Your kids know better. If he's going to play an idiot and put you in a bad light in front of your kids, then you need to put him in his place and get the courts involved if need be.

He's acting like an immature brat. So what do you do to immature brats? You give them a dose of discipline. Show him you ARE stronger than him. Don't let your kids learn from a bad example. I don't care how great a father YOU say he is. If he said that type of thing about you to your kids, he's a bad father plain and simple. He's fooling around, yet presents you as the bad guy.

DO NOT justify his actions. They are what they are. Put on your big girl panties and protect your brood, mom!
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1852301 - 10/08/09 01:12 PM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
robx Offline
Member

Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 3082
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
He apologized for being an idiot.


- he is an idiot but he acted that way because he was hurt,
apparently he is still human (somewhat) ;-)

Interesting don't you think that some of your actions still affect him a certain way, ever wonder why?

I think you did the right thing by not being there for him and not bringing him to the airport, you're too darn reliable, time to show him that you're not going to be reliable for him anymore, maybe someone else who APPRECIATES it but why waste this gift on him.
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"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."

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#1852559 - 10/08/09 05:27 PM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: robx]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917


Quote:
- he is an idiot but he acted that way because he was hurt,
apparently he is still human (somewhat) ;-)

Interesting don't you think that some of your actions still affect him a certain way, ever wonder why?


Yes, I understand why. He was hurt that whereas once I would have dropped everything for him and my kids, now other things take precedence and it because of his actions. I'm not saying it is conscious. But, he took for granted that I used to come home on a dime if the kids needed me. I would forgo anything and everything for him and them. They are safe with him and I am witness to their pain and carry the load 99% of the time. He had to deal with it last night and the know somewhere that he is the one who has killed that dynamic.

He still looks at me as a mommy figure, I'm telling you. He wants my approval. He wants me to hold his hand and tell him I understand whether it is his need to leave us or his running to OW or whatever...he has expressed self-loathing and needing help. I am too tired and too beaten down to help him. I'm sure it is beyond my scope anyway, though I do understand him and how he got where he is. I empathize.

But, I see that H=pain. Since I've let him back in recently I have spiraled down. I have just been so depressed. So for my own self-preservation, I have to get away from him (sad irony there).

As for someone who appreciates it, I am feeling a little doubtful at this point that those values are a) sustainable (given the load I need to carry) and b) the town I'm in. But, I am working on shifting my perspective. I am terrified of being hurt...just walked right into an emotional slap with the comedian (predictable as it was).

So, H texted asking if I'm ok.

And emailed complimenting me on something I'm working on.
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#1852576 - 10/08/09 05:48 PM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
I want to sit him down and give him an ultimatum. I'm not saying I will but I want to propose that we go in and see someone (he had suggested it himself). I want to just say, "you're all over me like a fly on sh*t, you want some kind of relationship? Let's work on it. Let's make it healthy. Otherwise, leave me the f*ck alone."
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#1852593 - 10/08/09 06:07 PM Re: Help please...kid related...please [Re: aliveandkicking]
Lotus Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1531
I like that. It's succinct and to the point.

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