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Do you really think so Cas? Thanks for your support - it's so great to know that you guys are around when I am feeling so low.

Will be back later to check in on your threads but I'm almost late for my appointment so best dash ... !


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
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Nell- I wish I was like you I can't seem to stop crying. You are a strong woman and you will get through.


Me-29
H-37
M-5 yrs
T- total 10yrs- Best friends to dating to married
No kids together- He has S14
Got Speech-071509
Left-071609
Currently living apart
Legally Seperated 102809
Found out about OW 120709
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Hi Nell

I am sorry you are feeling that way today Nell, but you do have to remember it takes a long long time this DBing stuff, no miracles overnight that's for sure and in your case with little contact it will take that bit longer. Try and stick it out if you can, we are all here for you.


(((((Nell))))



Trying to keep hope alive
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Morning Nell, hope youre feeling more bouyant after a nice hair cut and coffee! ((nell)) Its so hard, we can try to mind read what they are doing and thinking. I can pick up tiny signals from H when he phones but I still cant guarantee that my H radar isnt faulty because of course he is now ET and is already doing stuff way out of his normality.

I certainly find trying to face issues before they come up a big help when I have to deal with them, although its gonna take "b*lls of steel" to not react to the OW if and when she comes up.. But thats just it my 180's are not to fly off the handle and do one, because thats what will bring him up sharp..Its almost like we need a check list of first time whammies to get through and then I think we can stabilise ourselves.

Its far too early to anticipate how much of your new behaviour is affecting/not affecting H, and also keep reminding yourself that whilst he is in the honeymoon period with OW he has rose tinted glasses on still, they might not have had their first serious bust up yet, and we all know that will happen at sometime and thats when you have to be there looking so good that he gets rattled. Keep reminding yourself that to choose the DB route is choosing the long game/haul. Also go read some of the posts where it has turned around but the LBS has finally decided that the crap just isnt worth it anymore, those are the ones that have really healed IMHO.

Will pop in later x


Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 09/12/09 08:10 AM.

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M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!
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Hey Twist - no, I'm not strong. I have just subconciously built a wall around me and now it's keeping me a prisoner of my own emotions ... it's best to let it out ... let it flow. You will stop when you are ready and you will be better for it.

It's self destructive to not cry. Your body has to release the 'toxicity' somehow and that's why I have developed a lot of physical symptoms instead. I know which I would rather.

Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 09/12/09 08:18 AM.

WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Hey Rabbit and Oz ... thanks both for dropping in. I am trying to hang in there and have been today for my sassy new hair cut, which I am very pleased with! GAL then meant shopping at the newly refurbed plaza near home and giong for lunch with J. Didn't get back until 15.30hrs so I did well.

Just been out and done some more gardening and put down the path weed control ... a long overdue job!

When I checked my email, there was an email from H responding to a question I had about my car insurance. H didn't give a straight forward answer but it was 'what do you need to know' - well what does he think that I need to know when I have asked for the details ... simple, straightforward, I would have thought! Playing games, no doubt. Ah well, at least he answered. He has not answered however to the email in regard my last when I said that I had no time to meet to discuss finances. Wonder if that was an 'excuse' on his behalf??

OK - time for early dinner (found a good veggie curry at the supermarket) and then some fun with the moggles, who have been missing their mommy for the past few days!

Catch ya's later.



Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 09/12/09 08:27 AM.

WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Hi Nell

OOOhhh I bet you look real sexy with the new haircut.

Glad you had a good day. At least H has answered at least one of your emails that is a start and as we say baby steps. Just remember keep your reply to the point.



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Hi Oz
Yes, I reckon that when I get that suit on next week, I shall really look the biz!

Today was good and you kind of get lost in the moment for a few hours when you are doing something nice with a friend. J is from back home and we get on famously - each time we meet, learning more about one another. She's fast becoming a great friend and I am so glad to have her, which I keep on telling her! She told me today that I was so easy to be. As I was driving home, I had a smile on my face which soon disappeared as I realised that I couldn't come home and tell H all about our day together ... and then the nausea starts all over again. He would have been so supportive of this new friendship as he knows how important it is for me to have a girl-friend to share stuff with - laughs, jokes, stuff from 'back home'.

I don't know what H is playing at really. It seems to be a cat and mouse game at the moment. I don't know when this is all going to stop and he is going to be a bit more communicative than he is currently. I just need him to see that I won't be treated with derision - once he starts to treat me better then I can respond better to him. Until then, I maintain my current stance although I'm starting to think that I need to change tack ... this is not working and so I have to think of a new DB technique. More of what works, less of what doesn't etc ... but I am all out of ideas.

Yes, I did keep my answer short and to the point. Nothing more, nothing less than I need to know the policy number and who the insurance is with! As H dealt with it all and the policy was in his admin stuff which I packed and threw out with him, he now needs to find this info and get back to me. He will probably take his own sweet time but if nothing hear by Tuesday, I shall call him at work in my lunch break. I don't intend hanging on forever and waiting at his beck and call. This is not a difficult request, nor will it cost him anything, other than 5 minutes of his time.

Feeling wrung out today but just about coping.

How is everyone else??


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 885
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Glad you had a great time with your friend. You do need friends to do all that girl time stuff with, it is good for the soul and our wellbeing.

I wouldn't worry about H and when he is going to get a bit more communicative, it will happen but slowly in the meantime, don't spend precious time thinking about it.

Maybe Gucci will have some better idea of where you should head from here if you don't feel the nc is not working for you.

But I am sure he is getting the message he just isn't being drawn in just yet, I don't know, it is a hard one for me to try to help with as I haven't had to do the nc route.

(((((Nell)))))



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Hey Nell,

Just a little something to consider......my H and I have had constant contact since he left and in particular over the last 12 months which has included family dinners, a dinner just the two of us and lots of texts and phone convos. I have had nc with him for 3 weeks now aside from his email for furniture. Your H is in the beginnings of his A so could take longer to make contact but it doesn't mean your nc isn't making him think.

Cas

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