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#1828866 - 08/30/09 08:28 PM UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Hi DB'ers
Seems like my last thread got locked out (as is common here) so I'm starting again.

My original thread can be found here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1820891&page=1
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1828873 - 08/30/09 08:43 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Journal - Day 5 of staying dark:

Had a reasonable night last night. Went to bed later, which helped a little. Woke this morning to the 'cheep' of my cellphone signifying that I had a text. Looked at the clock - 06:10hrs, must be H texting me, no-one else is up at that hour and that's 11.10PM in the UK, so it won't be them! When I checked, no text ... how bizarre!! Maybe H was thinking about me and it was just a 'sign'. Yup! You are getting it - I am plain crazy.

Friend coming around for coffee this morning and then I go for counselling #3 this afternoon. Should fill the day quite well.

Feel slightly better about being dark. Almost giggling at what a challenge this could turn in to - "a battle of the wits"!! I'm also trying to figure out what H's response will be, when and if he breaks the silence - I know, I shouldn't care!! Sorry, but I do - I did say that I am TRYING to detach, I didn't say that I was there yet! However, I am not caving.

Even though words of advice to others here may not be in as expert vein as some may have to give, it's kind of empowering to be able to help others now that I have been here a little while. When you do something which MAY help, you feel like you are paying something forward and that usually puts a smile on my face smile
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1828999 - 08/31/09 01:05 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
girlfromoz Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 885
Hi Nell

Just popped in to say hi. You are one brave girl going dark, I really don't know what I should be doing at the moment.

Let's know how your counselling session goes.

Will check in later.
_________________________

Trying to keep hope alive

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#1829008 - 08/31/09 01:49 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: girlfromoz]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Hi Oz
I don't know about being brave - it doesn't feel that way and it's hurting like hell. I am trying to be reassured by the fact that people say that it's counter-intuitive process but works for so many and my focus is 'what else have I got right now'? I have to give this my best shot - what other ammunition do I have? The alternative is to roll over and let H call the shots, which would keep me weak, needy and vulnerable?

Being silent and mysterious is going to make H wonder what I am up to (I know my H!) and whilst he might consider that I am playing games, it's also a 180 in that I am giving him the space that he seems to yearn for right now. I am not hassling, not pursuing, not calling/emailing/texting ... you know how this works. His last email to me (yesterday) remains unanswered and his last sentence was that he hopes that the cats and I are OK. Well, no answer, must make him wonder I would have thought - that's an open invite for a return email, as was his new email address. I have not bitten - a good 180, or what? Double-whammy!!

Had my friend around for coffee this morning which was lovely but then she started talking about her H and how loved up they are as a family - it kind of smacks you in the face, even though you don't want to seem churlish - this is their reality, as it was mine just a few weeks back. Hurts though to see other people being happy and living a normal family life. Made me a bit down after she had left :o( Just glad that I am going to see counsellor now this arvo so that I get chance to let out some more inner feelings and have an hour of self-indulgent 'me' time!

Catch you later.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

Top
#1829012 - 08/31/09 02:09 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Something that I would love to be able to say to H, if I were not DB'ing like a mad woman would be:

"You know, I accept that we have both had issues in our M and are equally at fault in our separation. Since then, I have done so much research and reading and I believe that I have found the monumental answer that you spoke of! I have learned how we can put right our wrongs, learn to speak each other's love language, get back on track and finally fall back in love and build a successful M - together forever. This does not have to be the end for us - even though you may feel that way right now. Is this something that we can talk about".

If I could get that over to him, I think that I will know in my heart that I could never have done any more than my best to let him know that all is not lost.

How do I do that - and especially now that I have to wait until I go back in to the light??
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

Top
#1829023 - 08/31/09 03:44 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Hi Nell,

You certainly sound heaps better!

Cas

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#1829025 - 08/31/09 04:08 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: dolphin_05]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
I don't know what PMA stands for

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#1829029 - 08/31/09 05:26 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: dolphin_05]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10395
POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1829031 - 08/31/09 06:02 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: dolphin_05]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Hiya Im just catching up with your sitch, you really have come a long way working on yourself, I can totally understand what you want to say to your H I would too and normally my H would have listened, but atm he is chosing to stick to the same old story of atm he doesnt want to try, so I have stopped asking him! x
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1829032 - 08/31/09 06:12 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Lost Rabbit]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Thanks Stuck...I know I've read PMA before but I couldn't remember what it stood for and nor could I find that list of abbreviations on the forum. Much appreciated Stuck.

Cas

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