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#1864973 - 10/30/09 12:19 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Sanderika]
rockedworld Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1256
(((((Nell))))))

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#1865002 - 10/30/09 12:42 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Sanderika]
TrentC Offline
Member

Registered: 10/14/09
Posts: 2240
Loc: Oregon
Take a good break, Nell. We'll still be here when you're ready.

Best thoughts and prayers headed your way.
_________________________
Me: 42, Wife: 37
M: 13.5 years T: 17 years
Bomb on 08/25/09
1/13/10: MC started
1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs
8/28/10: Wife moved out
No talk of D

"Every day is another chance to get it right."

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#1865283 - 10/30/09 07:46 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: TrentC]
girlfromoz Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 885
Hi Nell

Thinking of you ((((((Nell)))))
_________________________

Trying to keep hope alive

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#1865489 - 10/31/09 09:11 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: girlfromoz]
Sanderika Offline
Member

Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 761
(((((Nell)))))

Just want you to know I am thinking of you this weekend.

Sanderika
_________________________
ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11

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#1867517 - 11/04/09 06:12 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Sanderika]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Hello forum friends!
Just a quick line to say that I am thinking about you all but I'm not yet quite ready to return. I have been lurking around but not spending a huge amount of time here and I think that has done me some good. I had a very successful session with C last night and I have adopted a new strategy that helps ME in dealing with my thoughts. I now write a daily diary .... it's helpful to me and my C.

I have another big weekend coming up - well, Saturday at least. H is coming around for Sheep Sh*t Shopping Mark II. This time, I'm determined to get it right, whatever the cost. He has to see me in control this time - I must not let him or anything else get to me. I am getting stronger, I am finding the New Nell .... !

Peace, love and happiness to us all :o)
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1867520 - 11/04/09 06:21 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Sanderika Offline
Member

Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 761
((((Nell))))

Thank you for posting.....We were all worried about you.

You sound very strong and full of PMA!!!! Atta Girl!!!!

You CAN keep it going, once on a roll.....it's easy!!!!

Positive Thoughts are being sent your way along with Best Wishes for a wonderful weekend with H!!!

Take care my friend.....

Sanderika
_________________________
ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11

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#1868040 - 11/04/09 05:08 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Sanderika]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Thank you Sanderika - it's so empowering to know that I have good friends around on here ... it gives me strength.

The PMA is starting to poke it's head through - I just hope that it hangs around!

Painting mental pictures for how things really are is quite helpful to me right now. Imagining my H on a pedestal is all I have ever done - knowing what he is doing to me allows me to take him off that position on high and now it's not quite such an attractive picture any more. That's not to say that the feelings go away, it's just easier to deal with his bad behaviour as it no longer shocks me in quite the same way.

Hugs to all - please don't worry about me! Your energies are needed for all of our sitchs! Be back soon :o)
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1868915 - 11/06/09 06:48 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Sanderika Offline
Member

Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 761
(((((Nell)))))

That's the best part of this BB, the friends we make. We are from all corners of the world and we have come together to unite. Initially because of the same reasons, friendships are spawned as a result.

Another great part is that we all have the energy to help others, it's paying forward. It feels great!!!

With a lot of posters, the friendship continues off the BB. It's fun reading their threads when the topic is not only about DB!!!

Warm thoughts to you, (((((Nell)))))....

Sanderika
_________________________
ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11

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#1870250 - 11/09/09 05:38 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Sanderika]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated

Hello everyone and thanks for sticking around during my little break from the board - I am lurking, however!
Originally Posted By: Sanderika

Another great part is that we all have the energy to help others, it's paying forward. It feels great!!!


It's great that people pay it forward and, whilst I don't have the energy to do that right now, I wonder what some will make of my latest meeting with H, which happened on Saturday. It was another sheep manure day and he arrived late so by the time we had been and got two trailer loads and returned the trailer, time was marching well in to the afternoon.

Unfortunately, my big mouth ran off with itself again, despite telling myself to shut up. I got to the point where I thought, "he's done so what's the worst that can happen now? He may as well know just how I feel about things" .... and then he can go. However, when we got back and were up to our elbows in weed pulling and manure laying, I goaded him to leave and yet he did not. He stuck around, put up with my calling him on so much and then even told me things as he saw them.

I asked:

Nell: blah, blah, blah and you are having an A so what can you expect?
H: I am not having an A - that's where you are wrong and have been from the start
Nell: No H - you ARE having an A - we are still legally married and that makes you an infidel - you are having an A
H: OK - have it your own way, if it makes you feel better, but I am NOT. I told you our M was over long before I did what I did. (For long, read three weeks).

Later:

Nell: Will you help me with some of my C homework?
H: Of course I will. What is it?
Nell: Well, how will it be for you when this is all over and we never see one another again?
H: Who said that would happen?
Nell: Well, it's what you want, isn't it? You want your own new life and rid of me
H: When did I say that?
Nell: Well, you haven't exactly but it's what you allude to
H: Well don't put words in to my mouth then - I have never said that we won't see each other any more and I am not the evil monster you continue to paint me as.

One of my questions to H was to ask him how he felt if I were to go out with someone else. He replied that he would be happy for me - he had no issue with it. My heart turned to concrete. I have no intention of going out with anyone but it hurts like hell to think that he wouldn't give two hoots if I did. I guess it just counterbalances his actions and then he could call "tit for tat" on it. I shan't give him the satisfaction, however tempting it was to let him know that I was going out on a date (fake it till you make it)!

Another question that I asked of him was why he will only communicate with me electronically. He said that it was because phone calls have gone really badly for us since bomb day and it's a waste of time and money. Rabbit suggested that I leave a happy message on his phone the next time I decide to call ... it will show him that I can have a decent phone call with him ... any other ideas? It's my interim goal, to return to phone calls which are good and don't end up in one or other of us hanging up. I guess, of late, I have only phoned him when I need some urgent advice - like when the water pipe was broken - and then, when he can't or won't help, it's no wonder I blow a gasket! I think that I need to call when I am calm and things are going well.

One of the big positives of the day was that H had removed the two items that ow had left in the car - he knew that it really p'd me off last time he came to pick me up and I felt that it was a small effort on his behalf this time - but at least he was acknowledging why I got angry before. I notice that quite a bit of my stuff remains in the car, even though he removed all the 'obvious' stuff!!!

We had lots of good and bad moments throughout the day, H even cracked a joke a few times. I gave him a bag of goodies (as per Sanderika's advice) on his parting and I waved him a fond farewell as he left. His parting shot was:

H: See you next time then - not that we have anything arranged
Nell: Is that a bad thing?
H: No, not good, not bad, just neutral

I waited until this morning and sent a text to H from work to say thanks again for his help at the weekend, it was nice to see him and that we had worked really hard together, for which payment is a great looking garden! I asked him a question but no response all day. Don't know whether he replied when I left the office early but I will have to wait until tomorrow to see.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1870281 - 11/09/09 08:52 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to deta [Re: Eskimo Nell]
rockedworld Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1256
Ahh.. the famous "pull back".
Nell, hang in there... People on these boards keep reminding me to not believe any of what I hear and less than half of what H does. When he talks about being fine with you seeing someone else (as my H keeps saying) it is likely that would not be the case if that were to actually happen. WAS apparently don't usually even know what they want, and they just happen to use the "script of the day" that justifies whatever current thoughts or feelings or actions are going on for them.
stay true to what you need to do for you to get stronger and more confident.
i am working very hard on not letting everything hinge on H's actions, responses etc.
take care,
Rocked

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