I will pick it up tonight. I know it isn't smart to date yet....I need time alone to pick up the pieces that fall. I want to come out of this better and I think getting involved right away is not the way to do it. Plus I have my kids and my focus is going to be on them right now.
I have no idea what tonight will bring but she is going to get me to argue with her and I'm not doing that. I will let her calmly state what it is she wants to take with her and I'll be taking the high road.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
Well we talked some last night. Got a little more into the R talk that I really wanted but I stayed in control for the most part. I heard some of the same stuff....that I deserve better than her, she feels like she is going to have a mental break down if she stays (this is going to happen no matter what), and that it is too late.
She has taken notice of all the positive changes I have made, how I have my confidence back and that I'm not as insecure as I used to be. She notices them but is afraid to acknowledge them. She is having a real tough time with everything and inside I feel sorry for her. I have really detached but I still really love her. I can't imagine her not being in our house.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
deserve better than her - check she feels like she is going to have a mental break down if she stays - heard that it is too late - uh huh She has taken notice of all the positive changes I have made - been there
All part of the script.
Let it play itself out. Good job staying detached.
Believe it or not, she CAN get past this. Look for stuff that Orich used to post, check Tristan's situation. Have you read what's going on with Dia? All of these guys heard the same thing. All have gotten past it or are well on their way.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Mine hasn't really said she will ever come back. I was outside mowing with the kids last night and she was sitting on the steps watching us - just like old times. I can't help but see the wheels turning in her head. I have never, ever met someone who can bury their emotions like her but run herself on emotions.
The hard part for me is walking the fine line when she moves out. I want to be my old person but at the same time be able to let her know I would like to be married to her. This will take some time to figure out and perfect.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
I feel like she can get past it. She recognizes there is an issue....we talked about getting her counseling last night but she said she just doesn't have the time right now. I told her if her arm was broken you would get it looked at right? Same thing with your head! I put it a little more softly than that!
She cried and I really wish there was a way for me to help her but I know there isn't. She has to figure that out on her own. I wish I had figured that out months ago.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
You're right. She has to figure this out on her own.
Just be there for her if she comes to you.
They just seem to hate when we try to help. They see it as "fixing."
It is weird when it feels like old times. I've had the same experience mowing the lawn or playing catch with S. Look over and see wife watching. Smiling. I have to fight asking her why she wants to miss out on this. Can't say a word though.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I figure you and I are just about on the same page.
I was supposed to be home today to get the kids but she called and offered to leave work early so I could get more done. I see a lot of baby steps but she is still dead set on moving out. She mentioned packing this weekend then will just drift into another subject like we are talking about the weather. I just ignore it but it eats at my insides.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
I get it. My W put an offer on a place yesterday. Today she doesn't even mention it. She just says "we need milk & coffee filters if you go to the store."
huh? we're going to play like all is OK?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
