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#1828283 - 08/29/09 09:12 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: Faith2010]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Hey, thanks again ashlee. Im ....alive . Didn't sleep much last night. My friend called my doctor last night and I am going in to see him here in about an hour. I feel like hell tbh. Its stress I know, but I am going in regardless just to make sure things are ok.

When I woke up this morning I lookd at my cell and he had sent another txt telling me goodnight. It made me so sick I had to lay back down a minute. I got so dizzy when I saw that. I dont know how I fell about all this right now, I dont have the energy to deal with it. I need to take care of myself and he is making me literally sick. I cant believe my own husband is doing this to me.

I dont know if I should respond or not but I dont want to. I cant stand the thought of talking to him right now. I am getting mixed signals and Im not that strong.

Im probably going to stay with my friend for a few days until Im feeling better. She has internet (thank god) so I dont go crazy with nothing to do, but i imagine I will be sleeping or trying to most of the time.

SO far Ive held my tea down. I figure thats a good thing. I know many of you have had to deal with the one you love cheating on you. I dont know how you do it. I feel like Im dying.

I will check in later if Im up for it. Thanks all of you. I know it doesnt seem like much but it does help a little.

Dusk

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#1828297 - 08/29/09 10:12 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Faith2010 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/09
Posts: 384
Dusk-

Thanks for checking in. Focusing on yourself is the most important thing right now.

If you don't want to answer him, then don't. Given his recent behavior and your health, you do what is best for you.

When I first found out about H, I was devastated. I completely flipped out. I cried, screamed, cursed, and ripped my H apart. Perhaps it wasn't the 'right' thing to do, certainly not in line with what DR says...but at that time I hadn't read the book and did a lot of the wrong things. However, I don't regret it. For me, ripping into H is what I needed to do at that time. H will never forget it and perhaps it will always be something he has 'against me'.

Just know, which I think you do, you are not alone. So many of us have been where you are, just different circumstances. I am still currently dealing with H's affair (EA). Yes, it's very, very difficult but I am surviving. One day at a time. You can do this.

Take care.
_________________________
Me: 39 H: 39
S: 15
M: 18 years
Bomb: 6/3/09
H moved out: 10/15/09
H moved back:5/30/10


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#1828418 - 08/29/09 03:46 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: Faith2010]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Well I am ok, stressed as hell and need LOTS of rest, which I was trying to do , then my cell went off again. Another txt from him. Apologizing again and telling me he just "wanted to be left alone" . I didn't react as strongly this time but I havent answered him yet either.

I can't get that picture of him kissing that girl out of my head. Everytime I lay down to rest it pops back in there. God I wish I had never seen it. But on the flip side, at least I know.

I WANT to rip him apart. I want to go over there and slap him silly, i want to scream at him. Im trying to stay calm as i can.

I still don't feel like answering him. I think I am going to wait before I deal with it. i dont know if thats the right thing to do as far as our marriage goes , but I cant afford to spend any energy on it right now. I have a followup on mon and they want to run some tests. Also canceled my physical therapy for now until I gain some strength back. It would be too hard on me and do more damage apparently.

Other than all this I am "ok" i guess. Friends have been stopping by here and thankfully NOT talking about him. I even got a massage from one of them. Helped a BUNCH. So for now, Im going to rest and take care of myself. Try not to cry over him (yea right).

I can't trust him, I cant even trust him enough to talk to him. My dr wouldnt prescribe anything to help me relax, because my heart is still a little weak and it would interfere with my other meds. So I just have to stay caaaalm. Easier said than done tho. He also suggested counseling, so Im looking into that mon.

Been a long weekend already frown

Dusk

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#1828419 - 08/29/09 03:51 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10395
DO NOT answer him.

He's trying to push your buttons to see if you're still "loyal" to him.

Let him wonder. Move on with your life and get better first.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1828478 - 08/29/09 07:29 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: MrBond]
Faith2010 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/09
Posts: 384
Dusk-

You are focusing on your health which is the right thing to do. I know it's hard not to think about it or not to see that picture when you close your eyes. Distracting yourself with the computer, movies or friends never works 100% of the time but hang in there. Believe it or not it'll get easier. Time heals all wounds...it just takes a while.

Stuck is right...don't answer him. He's playing you...as long as you don't join in, it's not much of a game.
_________________________
Me: 39 H: 39
S: 15
M: 18 years
Bomb: 6/3/09
H moved out: 10/15/09
H moved back:5/30/10


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#1828673 - 08/30/09 08:01 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: Faith2010]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Thanks ashlee. I am jusr kinda of checking in again. He sent a couple of txts again last night. Telling me goodnight and he wanted to talk about a few things. I turned my cell off and went to sleep.

I feel a little better today, and by that i mean "little" but its better than worse.

And stuck, thanks for the feedback on answering. I dont want to right now anyway, but knowing thats best for now regardless helps a lot.

Have a good day everyone.

Dusk

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#1828782 - 08/30/09 03:25 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Ok I blew it. I should have turned my cell BACK OFF but I was so tired I just fell back to sleep after calling a friend of mine.

Then he called, ..and I LOST IT. I answered and just screamed at him for waking me up and not giving a damn and Im not really sure what else I said but none of it was very nice... then I calmed down a little. He didnt exactly get defensive, I think my outburst caught him off guard? I dunno... anyway he DENIES writing the letter!!!!!!!! Denies it. Flat out said he didnt write it. That he had surgery on his arm 3 weeks ago and that he couldnt possibly write a letter. I told him I had it and it was from him. The handwriting IS a bit messier but it was from him. He said no way. I then told him I saw the pic and he had a tank on and NO SURGERY, he looked fine. No answer.

I then told him if he continues lying to me he will push me away because I dont have the strength to deal with his crap right now. He said he knew and sounded sad. I didnt care tho. He asked me if I was feeling ok and I went off again. I said no , not that you give a damn. I did NOT mention the little hussy(my friends word Im borrowing it). then I ended the call.

Total fail on DBing i know. I am sure I will regret answering later. I was so damn tired and felt so bad and when I saw him come up on the phone I just....snapped. I did tell him to leave me the (insert VERY bad word here) alone for a bit.

The entire episode made my head hurt and I cried for a while. I DID NOT cry during the call tho. I was just angry. NOw Im just exhausted again.

Im going to just try to rest and get some strength back. When Im feeling better I guess I can deal with this tangle that is my marriage.

Dusk

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#1828832 - 08/30/09 06:35 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Kimmie Lee Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/07
Posts: 1478
I don't think your outburst was so bad. After what you've been through, I think you deserved to vent.

Just don't do it again and don't answer his calls or texts anymore. Let him eat static for at least three weeks.

You don't want a divorce? Then don't file. What's he going to do about it right now, anyway?

When you think about it, his hands are tied right now too. He can't divorce you while he's out of the country for two years. The affair could burn out a lot sooner than that.

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#1828834 - 08/30/09 06:46 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: Kimmie Lee]
hhh Offline
Member

Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 212
Loc: MA
Dusk,
I think you needed to vent. I think it was good for you. It probably took him by surprise, actually...and maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to let him know you will not tolerate this behavior. You deserve better than the way he has been treating you lately - who pulls this kind of stuff? Obviously he is not in a good place but that does not say anything about the kind of person you are or what you deserve. Take care of yourself...that is the most important thing right now.

We are here for you!

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#1829208 - 08/31/09 11:35 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: hhh]
Kimmie Lee Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/07
Posts: 1478
Yes, we are.

His back-peddling re: that lame-@ss letter (what a child he is) also shows that he is making very bad decisions in the heat of the moment. Ironically, this can be a good thing because it shows confusion.

You be the calm in the eye. You can do this.

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