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#1827884 - 08/28/09 12:52 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
I caved. I dont know WHAT i was thinking! I sent him a msg. I didnt ask him back I just let him know that I was here and that I didnt know what he was going thru at the moment and apologized for some of the hateful things I said to him last week. Let him know that I was praying for him.

So many of our friends ask me daily how he is and if i had heard anything, and I didn't know what to tell them because I DONT know how he is. Many of them told me i needed to let him know I didnt hate him and that the door wasnt closed. and i listened. Now Im unsure.

hopefully I didnt do too much damage. Just kills me. Altho , i did find out he didnt block me there like he did everywhere else. nice to know...but.. I know i shouldnt have sent it. Now what do I do?


Edited by PainfulDusk (08/28/09 12:53 PM)

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#1828015 - 08/28/09 05:12 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
God help me, he is having an affair. Im in tears and shaking and cant breathe. I saw a new picture on his profile kissing another girl. How can he do this??????? what do I do now? Do i just .....what do I do? I can't do this, I just can't. somebody please tell me what I am supposed to do.

omg i hurt so much.

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#1828017 - 08/28/09 05:16 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Coach Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 5299
slow your breathing down- 4 secs in, hold it for 4 secs and 4 secs out pause for 4 secs before doing it over

this will slow your heart rate - just do it
_________________________
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

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#1828018 - 08/28/09 05:16 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
Okay, first of all calm down. Many of us have been where you are. Just breathe and take it one breath at a time.

Vent here if you want to let it out. We are all here for you.

(((stuck)))
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1828026 - 08/28/09 05:29 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: MrBond]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
i cant stop crying i cant stop shaking ive never been so hurt in my life. I dont understand and I dont know why this is happening. i didnt believe it at first and looked again and it's him...kissing someone else. I dont know what to do. im so ashamed that i couldnt make my husband happy and im so angry that he would do this and I feel.... betrayed. I never once even thought about cheating on him, I love him. I dont want or need anyone else. thats why I married him, to spend my life with JUST him. please , i am hurting so badly. I dont have any family to call , my friends just want to trash him . I cant trash my husband. Its not right and I wont do it.

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#1828041 - 08/28/09 05:47 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
Stop right there and calm down.

DO NOT blame yourself. You didn't force him to kiss the OW. You did not make him disappear and not contact you. Hell you were wondering if he was even alive?

Let's face it. He is acting selfishly and IS NOT thinking about you at all. He knows that you have access to his profile and is flaunting it in front of you.

Snap out of it!

Take a deep breath and clear your head.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1828046 - 08/28/09 06:02 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: MrBond]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
i feel...broken...

He does know I have access to his profile. Thats true. why would he do this tho? He doesnt care about me anymore? He doesnt love me? How do you just stop loving someone like that??

I need to get out of the house before i lose my mind. I feel like thats whats happening, im losing my mind.

Do i just let him do this? Do i not SAY anything? do anything? my friends here are screaming divorce! I dont want a divorce, i want my husband back ... the one I married.

Thank you guys, Im so lost i feel so lost

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#1828049 - 08/28/09 06:10 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
Don't feel bad. When I found out my W was cheating on me (after months of denying) I threw up in the bathroom. Trust me. You say you don't want to trash your H now, but you will. It's perfectly natural.

"why would he do this tho? He doesnt care about me anymore? He doesnt love me? How do you just stop loving someone like that??"

Who knows? You're not going to get any answers by dwelling over this. Your H up and disappeared one day like that Senator guy who left his state to go traipsing around with his OW in S. America. They get crazy.

There's no sense analyzing crazy. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your assets.

But for now. Go out and breathe. Run laps around the block, Hit a pillow. Just something to get it all out.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1828051 - 08/28/09 06:14 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Faith2010 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/09
Posts: 384
(((((Dusk)))))

I am so sorry for your sitch and especially what you are feeling right now. I understand it is unbearable.

Do not blame yourself. This is his choice, he is being selfish.

There is no need to talk or even think about divorce right now. You are very emotional (rightfully so) and this is not the time to make any decisions. Your friends are screaming divorce because they love you and hate to see you in so much pain.

Get it out. Scream, throw things (preferably non-breakable things) and hit something (pillow?) if you need to.

We are here...I will say a prayer for you.


Edited by Ashlee (08/28/09 06:15 PM)
_________________________
Me: 39 H: 39
S: 15
M: 18 years
Bomb: 6/3/09
H moved out: 10/15/09
H moved back:5/30/10


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#1828107 - 08/28/09 08:16 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: Faith2010]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
great NOW i hear from him? he said its over, he feels guilty for how he did it but he didnt want a yelling match??? He said it was too hard not being able to see me with the distance and he just cant do this anymore. He wants a divorce. He's unhappy with our marriage and wants out of it but wants to still be able to talk to me in general. he said if he didnt he woundt have replied to my msg i sent. Im sorry? huh?? what??? I sent a million!!!

He sent me a txt with a new number, said he busted his old phone but didnt say how. So i have his new cell number. i responded and asked if it was his new cell , he didnt actually say that, but no response, then said if you dont know already its (name). wow?

he sent this... "I basically vanished because I didn't want to tell you this cause if I had it would have been mean and rude because I wasn't happy. So I basically just let it go and stopped contact with you" "As for how long I lied to you, it hasn't been more than a month. I know it's wrong ""I do feel guilty for what and how I did things but I just wanted to be left alone and to not feel I needed to live at the computer for as long as we have had to"

he has a 2 year contract over there!!!!! he was going to be gone for another year and a month. I wasn't going to be able to join him until after the first of the year when my physical therapy is supposed to be over.

i dont WANT a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yes I thought for a moment that he's a ....bastard for doing this. but then i was so relieved i finally heard from him. im so confused. and my head hurts.

Dusk

Im in shock, i stopped crying , now im in ..shock....


just to add...at first he sounded VERY angry and defensive. I didnt make accusations (very proud of myself) and i DB'd as HARD as I could. i really did. he had to go before i did. but by the end of the conversation he softened his attitude and just said he was sorry.

it was like i talked to 2 different people in the same conversation.


Edited by PainfulDusk (08/28/09 08:20 PM)

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