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Was on my way out the door and saw a new msg, checked it thinking it was a friend of mine regarding plans for later. Nope, its from my h. He wanted to let me know that he was coming back to the states for xmas to see his mom. Then again after the first of the year and wanted to know if on his second trip back he could come to tx and say hi.

Wow???

I dont have time to answer. Not even sure how to answer that. Do I want to see him? Yes of course I do. ....and no I dont. I think he is bringing OW on the first trip. I could be wrong, but I dont think I am. He cant see me for the holidays, but can AFTER? I am already making my plans but still. maybe im being stubborn, but why do i have to be second on everything?

Ok i really gotta run, im going to be late again.

Dusk

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Ok, well I sent a brief and polite reply stating I have been busy. I told him I ws feeling fine, thx for asking and that I was still in the process of making my plans for the holidays. As for his second trip, I dont know what I will be doing and without a time frame wouldnt be able to commit to anything right now.

Was afraid to say much of anything else. So I kept it as simple as possible without sounding like I was at his beck and call. because , news flash, im not! =)

Dusk

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Hi Sweetie. Glad you're feeling better and getting out a little.

I think you did fine, but me, I wouldn't have replied at all. He's just keeping you on the string and he doesn't deserve your attention.

He was "on his way home from OW...." What kind of sh!t is that??!! It's the worst kind of sh!t.

Dump that loser ASAP. Keep going with the legal stuff and detach from this ridiculousness.

I would never, ever give him the satisfaction of another reply either. Ignore!

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(((Dusk)))

So glad to hear that you aren't letting your H's nonsense get to you like it used to. Use your new-found strength to walk the walk.

Stay strong!

bim


BIM
M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11

my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127




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((kim))

I dont regret answering his msg, and I kept it as brief as possible and didnt even bother to acknowledge any of that. Yea , I still am a bit peeved over his first msg. He DID respond, ROFL and I DID laugh, he is PISSED. his msgs was 3 words.... "WHAT THE F**K!!!" ....that was it. Finally some emotion huh? Im completely ignoring it. Let him stew for a few weeks as far as Im concerned. Im not upset by it and Im not going to let him bait me into an arguement or R talk.

((BIM)) thx for looking in on me =) Yes, I am stronger emotionally. Or maybe just more detached. Either way, Im not letting him push my buttons and get to me anymore. Cross your fingers he doesnt find a new one to push.

Yesterday was a very exciting day for me. After my checkup at the Dr, ok that wasnt too exciting. I went to lunch, then a grp of us met up at a friends house and we made xmas decorations for a womens shelter and just had fun chatting and goofing off. They had a lounge chair for me to rest on when I needed to. THEN one of their friends dropped by who happened to be a guitarist and we talked music for most of the evening. Then I came home , took a nice bubble bath and went to bed. A very good day.

Today we are taking the decorations we put together over to the shelter and thats probably all I'll have the strength for today. But Im looking forward to it.

I'll look in on you guys when i get time this evening. Ty ALL of you.

Dusk

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Took the decorations over to the shelter, they loved them and were so sweet. made me feel good to help someone smile. Stopped and got some more tea and came back for some much deserved r and r and goofing off on my games. Log into fb start reading and answering nsgs....saw yet ANOTHER one from my h. Seems he calmed down? or maybe he didnt, doesnt matter much. Was brief one liner again. Said he hoped I was having a great day. that was it. I didnt answer.

After being dark and having no contact with him for as long as I did, this is a lot of communication from him. Im not going to bother trying to figure out what he's thinking or feeling. I guess my question is, what do I do about it? he is still with HER, sees her almost every weekend and has the gall to mention her to me like its perfectly acceptable. Its NOT. I refuse to acknowledge her. I didnt marry HER. anyway....

I went dark to protect my own heart and so I could concentrate on my health which lets face it, isnt so great. He was causing me so much stress I couldnt get better, and actually got much worse. I dont really consider myself as still in dark mode because I have sent a couple of replies back, so im more ...dim than dark. Time time time keeps coming to my mind and to move slow and let him continue to initiate contact. Does anyone else feel or see that this is my best route for now? Ive read in some other sitchs that after going dark and the WAS starts contact again , they allow it, others dont.

Ok Im rambling, if anyone is able to make any sense of what I wrote i'll give you a cookie.

Dusk

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Hi Dusk,
Don't think I'll win that cookie smile but wanted to check in. I can only log in at work til I get my computer fixed, so haven't been on the boards much this past week. You sound good, I'm sure you're getting stronger emotionally & hopefully physically too! sounds like a great way to spend the day, helping others, it makes me want to volunteer too.

Don't know if I can advise you because I haven't had that situation (H contact increasing) but I'm sure others with experience will chime in soon. Sorry to hear about conv. w MIL but you handled it great. Keep taking care of yourself & I'll try to check in before another week! (((Dusk))))
LFA

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Hi painfuldust
I have been following you post the last couple of days. It looks like you have have been doing a great at GALing. Sometimes it's hard to understand how the people we love so much can hurt us this way.
I don't have any advice for you right now excetp to keep your chin up, your doing great.
I thought you may get a kick out of this though.
My D7 who wants to be a rock-n-roll star wrote this song Labor Day weekend when when we were coming home from the beach.

Heres her lyrics:

I love you
you can make a difference
and yes I like to be mean sometimes
and yes I am hot
and yes I don't like to be nice
but I love you


Thought that was prety good for a 7 year old
thanks also for the advice on my post, wmp549

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I think I'd allow contact, but respond when you're good and ready. You don't want to appear cold. It seems like what you are doing is working. Maybe pull back a little when he starts contacting?

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HUGS HUGS HUGS guys . Helps me get thru my days.

LFA, I made enough cookies, you can surely have one . The conv with my MIL was....just too much honestly. I wasnt about to get into it with her or try to defend myself or badmouth her son. That would have been incredibly stupid. So I ended the call.

WMP, I looked in on your sitch. Love those lyrics! lol, ur D7 sounds like a very interesting little lady.

Sadgirl, Thats one of my main concerns ..I dont want to seem cold. Ive tried very hard to remain distant and friendly but he is obviously wanting some kind of communication. With as many msgs as he has sent in such a short time after none at all for 30 days , then 2 weeks then 10 days. Now, more in the past couple of days , then all the time since the nuclear warhead landed on my apt.
My gut tells me he is about to pull back, and thats ok. If he doesnt, well, thats ok too. If the increased contact continues, Im willing and comfortable with replying once in a while, but as long as the OW is in the picture, Im not about to let him weasel his way back into my life, just so he can tear it apart again.

Still want to fly over there and just slap the hell out of him for being stupid. I would be afraid to touch her, but I could always whack her with my cane. =) , ok that rant is over .

Dusk

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