Feast or famine? Another msg waiting for me this morning from H. Asking me to please not be stubborn and take care of myself and get plenty of rest. His msgs have been getting more upbeat and friendly. I have been upbeat so Im sure my DBing efforts helped. Im going to continue to take it sloooooooooooooow and if I answer him, tonight or tomorrow. He didnt really ask a question, but seems to want conversation?
Take it slow. I'd let another message or two pop up, then reply with "Sorry, I was busy. Thanks for your concern, I will take care of myself."
The whole point of letting them initiate conversation is to draw them back into your life. By all means, go with the conversation -- but steer it away from R talk if he tries to bring it up.
Originally Posted By: PainfulDusk
If I need to have my hand slapped, feel free to slap it. Im trying not to get overly excited but,.... I have to say I was surprised and nervous to see a msg from him, then happy, esp since it was friendly.
If you have a good conversation, or lunch, or whatever, be prepared for some pullback. He may enjoy it, and have to "regroup" to figure out what this means for the two of you. Don't be hurt by it.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Thx Trent. Nothing from him yet but I really dont expect to for a while. I'll refrain from initiating contact. No sense getting myself back to where i was a couple of weeks ago.
Meanwhile....Im feeling a lot better. I have Dr appts all week, mostly checkups and to see how Im progressing. My C sessions have been...meh. Im not really connecting with her at all. I dont exactly "dread" going, but I can think of things I would rather be doing. If I met her just casually , i dont think we would be friends. :P
My day today has been pretty good, went out to breakfast with my friend. Didnt get too wiped, but came home so i dont push it. We're going to bake today. =)
Wore myself out baking yesterday but everything turned out so well. I invited several friends to come over this afternoon and eat it all since I cant have any of it. *cry*
Decent morning so far. Did walk my dog this morning. All by myself!!! =) Im feeling a lot better.
Only little hitch so far today was a flash of anger at my H. Not sure where it came from really. I wasnt doing or thinking about anything related to him but for a moment I was so mad at him. It has passed. Guess this kind of thing will keep happening for a while. Does anyone else have these moments? Just...out of the blue anger? Im trying so hard to get and stay detached....I dont check his profiles at all, I havent answered his last msg. Didnt even read it again. I stay busy as I can and take care of myself the best I can. Have as much fun as my strength will allow, which granted isnt much some days but I do try to stay positive. Anyway...
Im looking forward to this afternoon. We will also be making plans for thanksgiving. Should be interesting.
Only little hitch so far today was a flash of anger at my H. Not sure where it came from really. I wasnt doing or thinking about anything related to him but for a moment I was so mad at him. It has passed. Guess this kind of thing will keep happening for a while. Does anyone else have these moments?
Oh, yes. Almost daily. Letting go of the anger is a real challenge for me. When someone hurts you it is only natural to feel anger. I think that's why letting go of it is so difficult.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
Thx Norm. Been ok the past couple of days. Battling a headache this morning that started about 3am and has been wearing me down. Its not a migraine but I have nausea so Im going in this afternoon to get checked.
New developments... When everything broke loose back in aug, many of our friends chose sides. immature, yes, unexpected, no. Several I havent spoken with since that time period. In the past couple of days 2 of them have sent me msgs asking me how I am and what my test results were. Never asked b4 nor have either of them showed any interest in my health. Side note I have NOT told my H my results yet. Just that I was handling things. I also asked my friends not to tell him.
I responded to them both that I was hanging in there and my results werent what I was hoping for. (thx again coach) I have left it at that. H however has begun checking my music profile again. Not as often, but is def increased traffic. No word from him yet but its only been 5 days since last contact. ( wow, i said "only" ) Im feeling ok about all of this.
Of course Im hopeful that this is yet another baby step in the right direction. Any thoughts or comments are always welcome of course. Some days I seem to do ok, and other days, i am needy and want reassurances. I HAVE stopped blaming this on being a girl tho . =)
I think you are doing a great job detaching and I know how hard it can be to accomplish. I stopped looking at my H's myspace profile about a month ago. It was consuming my thoughts and it really was not helping me emotionally. I try to keep the mindset of "I have no control over what he does."
It is hard not to read into that friendly text that my H might send me (haven't had one in a while) or the laughs that we might share during a phone conversation but I have started to look at it like I am a pigeon in the park and H is just throwing me crumbs and I eagerly gobble them up, then the next time we talk H will be distant and emotionally void and I will feel hurt, kwim? Hope this helps.
I am in no way an expert at DB, and I make mistakes all the time but I just wanted to give you a word of encouragement. Keep up the good work
Me:34 H:34 D:7 D:6 D:3 T:20years M:10years Bomb: Feburary 2009 Separated: May 2009 EA confirmed March 2010
thx, i really need encouragement right now. My morning is going fairly well. My dr is concerned over my bloodwork. My iron is very low , so he is slowly increasing my potassium and iron so it doesnt shock my system. Explains my fatigue anyway. Had some trouble getting moving this morning, my mood was ok, just had some trouble with fine motor stuff. Had to wake my friend up to make tea and hold my cup for a few minutes. Im ok now, but she did call my dr and let him know. Im going back in this afternoon. Im not in much pain which is a huge huge huge relief. =)
Dusk, Have no computer at home, & couldn't get on at work yesterday, so am trying to catch up w folks today. In answer to the anger flashes, YES!! Oh definitely. I could be doing fine, then out of nowhere, a flash of rage & I envision taking a baseball bat to his car. I consider it progress that this happens much much less than it did a few mos. ago! It's normal, I think as long as it's not taking over most of your thoughts. Since I sit at a computer for work all day, I have post its on my monitor w DB phrases like PMA; I can only control me, etc. I figure anything that might help!!
Sorry you are not feeling well, but glad you've gone right to the dr. I think when we feel bad physically we tend to feel bad emotionally too. Sending you hugs and positive energy to feel better soon! (((Dusk)))
Yea, ..bat to the car...prob a good think my h is out of the country. =D
I hope ur doing ok hon.
Im feeling a bit better today physically. Mentally Im a little stressed, but mostly over my condition not my sitch. Ok, maybe a little over my sitch. I miss him today.
Ok...so after a fairly calm afternoon, I hear from my MIL. She asked how I was doing and if I had heard from H. I told her yes, we had a brief conv a week ago but not since then. SHe talked to him today and he informed her that OW has put her foot down and told H that he cant have any contact with me unless its about a D and any msgs between us she has to see. He has agreed. Im....speechless.
I want to fly over there and rip her hair out and slap him silly. The nerve! Im his WIFE!
My MIL asked me not to hold it against him and to try to stay calm so nobody gets hurt. Excuse me? SHe asked me not to contact him again...huh? because it was causing him problems. umm I havent? He has made contact first. She paused when I told her that. I was ....polite and ended the call.
I am..angry hurt disgusted and shocked. I wish i hadnt answered the dam phone.
