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#1848539 - 10/01/09 05:42 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
I would suggest getting out a bit too. Be with people. I used family, friends and strangers.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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#1848681 - 10/01/09 10:33 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
You know, tonight has actually been good. There is lots to around the house and I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am sure this a roller coaster but I think I will sleep good tonight. She was the one who actually wanted to hang around before she left. I was ready for her to leave.

I am ready for tomorrow and a great weekend with my kids. I really feel detached right now. Let's see how the ride goes.....
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1848689 - 10/01/09 10:51 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
Entangled Offline
Member

Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 210
Good for you! Sorry it's come to this, but great to hear how strong you sound! Try to stay positive, breathe, and focus on the kids.
_________________________


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#1848698 - 10/01/09 11:04 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Entangled]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
How are the kids doing? Are they handling it OK? Mine have actually handled the seperation quite well. Good to hear you are doing well.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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#1848827 - 10/02/09 09:42 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
shellshockedga Offline
Member

Registered: 09/03/09
Posts: 128
WTTBB, I feel your pain. My house isnt cleaned out, she only took some stuff, but it jsut feels empty. 19.5 years of being together, and it came down to "We will get through this." Whatever.... To be so detached (from the WAS side) that you can look your kids in the eyes and say you are leaving, is as bizarre as it gets. As I watched my wife say it last night to the boys,I jsut sat in awe and wondered how could anyone do this to children. And, of course I know it is the little green alien inside her head running amuck, but still.

Hang in the prayers and my prayers go out to both our familes.
_________________________
ME 41, Her 41
M 18.5 years
T 19.5 years
s - 12, 10
Bomb 7/12/09
Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09
She moved out 10/1/09 - present

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#1848841 - 10/02/09 10:09 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: shellshockedga]
Coach Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 5299
Quote:
And, of course I know it is the little green alien inside her head running amuck, but still.


Nope, the pain of leaving is less than the pain of staying. You have to understand, be compassionate, and empathetic to what she is grappling with. Then you can work on the things that are valid issues while getting back to being the man you were meant to be.
_________________________
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

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#1849085 - 10/02/09 03:09 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Coach]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Boy she was angry this morning. She is mad that anyone knows she has left. She feels like everyone thinks she is insane, selfish and heartless (I've known this for awhile now!). I told her there are consequences to go along with every decision and I did not want to bad mouth her to anyone (she is my wife and the mother of the kids). She is under the impression that I am out bashing her every chance that I get and making myself out to be the victim. I think in her head this is what she thinks I feel and wants it to be that way...that is her power. I told her I was not a victim and she made her own decisions. I was going to be a good father and do what I can to make my kids happy. I told her if she calmed down we could talk later, if she wanted.

She has threatened on more than one occasion she is getting her own attorney. We were going to pursue an uncontested divorce at one time. I have been putting that off, hoping she would want to reconcile at some point. If she got her own attorney, she would be at a disadvantage now. She just signed a year lease on a 2BR apt with 3 kids and I live in the family home. I think I would have a good chance at getting temporary custody and eventually full custody.

Just my thoughts....
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1849292 - 10/02/09 11:48 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
She calmed down as the day went on. I'm sure she is having some emotional swings. I actually had a good day. I actually feel better than I thought I would with her being gone. Once the rope is dropped I really don't have that effort of holding on to it!
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1849543 - 10/03/09 02:05 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Today has been good. Been cleaning and organizing things that I want them organized. The independence really helps my mood. I havenot talked to the W since she left on Thursday. She sent me those mad texts on Friday and one last night telling me to tell the kids good night but other then that, no communications. I am really fine with that. I will have to see her tomorrow to make the switch though. Should be fine but we will see what kind of mood she will be in.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1849748 - 10/03/09 11:23 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Anyone who reads this will never guess what just happened....I was just putting my kids to bed wthen the doorbell rang...I opened it up and it was the wife of at least 1 OM. I invited her in and we had a nice little talk. She told me all about how abusive and crazy her husband was and how she knew he and my W had been talking on the phone alot. She didn't have any proof (nor do I) of anything more but she is going through a divorce with him because of his reputation and a whole host of other problems.

She said she is going to subpoena his phone records and knows my W is going to show up all over it.

Here is my question....I'm detached enough to where this doesn't even bother me that much right now. She will freak out when she knows our small town is going to know all about this....

Do I tell her I had nice little visit tonight? I'm thinking just let it go. I would love for her to find out I had talked to her and did not say anything to her about it. Getting detached like this is a good feeling. Make no mistake about it - I still love her but she is just walking all over herself.

NOTHING suprises me anymore.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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