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I'm hanging but it is tough. The swings go so far back and forth. I'm hoping it is like a swing and it will eventually become still.

My kids are so, so great. Nothing will change that. But inside I'm really pissed at her for tearing the fabric of a good family apart because she can't "figure herself out". To be fair, I don't know exactly what she is feeling. But to take it out on us is what sucks.

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out how she can shove all of her emotions away. Everything I see or hear brings back some memory....hers is probably a negative perspective.

There is no doubt she is going to miss us being a family..I just don't know when it will be.

I love this site.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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I could have written this post. Word for word.


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
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Originally Posted By: Energizer Bunny
I could have written this post. Word for word.


ditto. I think my W always knew she would miss us as a family. She told me that she wanted to miss me. Sometimes I think she wanted to miss me to prove that we were still "real".

I think the emotional swings are just a part of life. We had them before we were married, before the bomb, after the bomb, and I am sure we will have them on into the future. It is probably best to just roll with them. When times are good, enjoy life. When times are bad, you can still enjoy life. Even when things were darkest, I have some very good memories.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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My W mentioned that at one time too....she wanted to feel that she missed me. Of course, with everything else coming out of her mouth, I have no idea if she meant it or even remembers saying it.

Once she gets moved out, I am really going dark for a min of a month. Limit everything to a minimum and communicate only for the kids.

I don't know why she would want to do this to herself again (being divorced again, almost same circumstances).


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
Joined: Jul 2009
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I've heard the "want to see if I miss you" thing too. (God, is there a manuel for being a WAW?)

From what I gathered, if she missed me it would help to show that we're "meant to be." Meant to be? By who I'm not sure. It seemed to make sense to her at the time.

Funny that you mention that she may more remember saying it. In conversations with my W on more than one occasion, W has said "I didn't do/say that" about things that she indeed has done or said. She's even made up things that I supposedly have said which never were uttered!


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
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I think it is due from the logic vs emotional disconnect. Emotionally they have said it many times in their head but logically they haven't - or vice versa.

Adds fuel to the line "don't believe anything they say and only 1/2 of what they do".


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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Energizer, I think there some post here somewhere about listing the WAW script. It's funny how many WAS say the same things. I told my XW one time that she was textbook....she got really pissed! I couldn't help but laugh but I sure got mine.

You know we should totally put together a WAS dictionary/ encylopedia. I know it's serious business, but a little humor in this situation can go a long way.

Wantobebetter: I think you definately got the right idea. Drop the rope, detach. Sometimes the reaction is immediately noticable. WAW's flip when they see things not going according the plans they hashed out long before. And you doing the right things and 'enjoying the new you' are not a part of these plans. Whn I 180'd, my XW lost it. She began trying to hurt me, but it just rolled off and I continued in my happy way. It hurt, but all she saw was a great happy go lucky, responsibile guy. Her behavior got worse, but it also seem to speed up the process and she hit bottom at a faster pace....which was a good thing.


Formerly SGfan
M:38
W:33
M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
Bomb: Dec '08
Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08
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My brother in law (maybe former) just called me. My W called him and asked him to help her move on Thursday. He was calling me to tell me he is only helping her because he has to more or less. He does not support or condone anything she is doing and said no one in her family does. He knows her from before her last divorce and cannot believe she is doing this again, now with 3 kids. Doesn't make me feel any better but it is good to hear someone thinks along my lines.

Like here on the boards, he said she was in a fog. He said he thinks the fog is created by her own head and someone else. He thinks someone else has to be in the picture somewhere. I know I cannot do anything about this at this point. She is moving out...what can I do?

He said he is really going to lay into her on tomorrow while helping her. I'm sure this won't help but he said she needs to grow up.

What a mess. I know she will wake up someday...just having the patience to get there sucks....if that day really ever comes.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
Joined: Jul 2009
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That sucks.

Cool he made a point to call you though.


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 234
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Yeah, well what do you do? It is what it is. I just did some backsliding, I'm not even going to say what it was, but it made me feel better. I'm sure I will regret it at one point or another, but I wanted stand up for myself and my family.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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