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#1877369 - 11/19/09 06:00 AM Re: Still Alive & Kicking! [Re: Thinker]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Oh my. Kids had the melt down of the century saying goodbye to their dad tonight. Finally all of the sadness and hostility came out directed toward him and he had a real tough time absorbing it.

I later updated him on how they were doing and he texted, "Thank you. That broke my heart. Love all of you"

Hmmm...that was not an accident including me. It is a mere breadcrumb and means little in terms of where we will end up but, with the money situation out of dire mode and the two of us really talking honestly, I am hopeful that things are looking up...I have a great stretch of time on my own now with the kids and it is a real opportunity to hone my detachment, work on myself and see what evolves. Patience has been the most elusive trait in this process. But, despite so many urgings from others to divorce that MF, as of now, I am glad that I have waited. I am so much more equipped to deal with the next phase be it coming closer together or drifting apart.

Wow. This life is a trip.
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#1877380 - 11/19/09 06:52 AM Re: Still Alive & Kicking! [Re: aliveandkicking]
orangedog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/09
Posts: 1181
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
... I am glad that I have waited. I am so much more equipped to deal with the next phase be it coming closer together or drifting apart.


I think you're better equipped too. I've noticed in your recent posts you seem calmer. In the earlier days there were times where you were so angry and sad and you let it out. While it needed to be done, it wasn't the best state for making decisions. It's like you've taken a deep breath and have really looked inside. And dare I say it seems he is making baby steps in that direction too. Stay strong.
_________________________
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh

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#1886042 - 12/03/09 05:15 PM Re: Still Alive & Kicking! [Re: orangedog]
Coach Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 5299
Quote:
I'm digging being with myself...woohoo!

I finally feel in charge of myself and my experience of my life and that is a LOT different than being in charge of circumstances or other people...as you well know. Life is great, imperfections and all.



Glad to hear it.

Coach world is pretty good not without some struggles but nothing I and the Greek together can't handle.
_________________________
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

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#1905930 - 01/01/10 01:49 AM 2010...a beautiful new beginning... [Re: Coach]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Just stopping in to say Happy New Year! Whatever your circumstances or the state of your marriage, please see this new year as the opportunity it is...find joy and peace in your own heart...I wish this for myself and everyone here.




Edited by aliveandkicking (01/01/10 01:49 AM)
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#1905985 - 01/01/10 03:31 AM Re: 2010...a beautiful new beginning... [Re: aliveandkicking]
antlers Offline
Member

Registered: 03/28/09
Posts: 3041
Hi AAK.

"Please see this new year as the opportunity it is...find joy and peace in your own heart...I wish this for myself and everyone here." - AAK

Thank You, and back at ya'!
_________________________
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.

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#1905987 - 01/01/10 03:33 AM Re: 2010...a beautiful new beginning... [Re: aliveandkicking]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Just stopping in to say Happy New Year! Whatever your circumstances or the state of your marriage, please see this new year as the opportunity it is...find joy and peace in your own heart...I wish this for myself and everyone here.




Thanks AAK. To you too.

Hope you are doing well despite where your M is.
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

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#1923853 - 01/26/10 02:07 AM Re: 2010...update [Re: givingitmyall]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Interesting. Spent the holidays with H and the kids on tropical island (where he's working). Came home and got pretty clear that as great as it was, it was too confusing and we need to sh*t or get off the pot. Laid down the law that I will not be married to someone who has a girlfriend and that we need to get divorced. Now, he has broken up with her, wants to go into therapy and is heading heavy handed in my direction...it is not just about what you say, it is about when you say it and if you mean it. He knew/knows I meant/mean it. Now for the tricky part. I am not prepared to settle or gratefully accept what we had before. I was miserable. So, we'll see if we can create a new healthy paradigm. If not, I have been through the abyss. It will hurt but I will let him go and move on.

This also marks the one year anniversary of when he announced he was "done," wanted a divorce and was "not in love with [me] anymore."


Edited by aliveandkicking (01/26/10 02:11 AM)
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#1923912 - 01/26/10 04:08 AM Re: 2010...update [Re: aliveandkicking]
orangedog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/09
Posts: 1181
Hi A&K.

I think you will do fine no matter what your decision.

My bomb anniversary is next month on Feb 14th (thanks for ruining that holiday). I don't care about her or the marriage anymore but I don't look forward to remembering the day and the devastating feelings.
_________________________
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh

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#1923948 - 01/26/10 05:54 AM Re: 2010...update [Re: orangedog]
Lotus Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1531
Hi AAK,

Good to hear from you. Nice to see the shoe on the other foot for a change. Just wanted to remind you that Retrouvaille is a good resource if you choose to work on the marriage together. It makes a great turning point, and leads you step by step to a better way of interacting. The website is www.helpourmarriage.org or www.retrouvaille.org.

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#1924033 - 01/26/10 02:49 PM Re: 2010...update [Re: aliveandkicking]
Coach Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/08
Posts: 5299
Quote:
Interesting. Spent the holidays with H and the kids on tropical island (where he's working). Came home and got pretty clear that as great as it was, it was too confusing and we need to sh*t or get off the pot. Laid down the law that I will not be married to someone who has a girlfriend and that we need to get divorced. Now, he has broken up with her, wants to go into therapy and is heading heavy handed in my direction...it is not just about what you say, it is about when you say it and if you mean it. He knew/knows I meant/mean it. Now for the tricky part. I am not prepared to settle or gratefully accept what we had before. I was miserable. So, we'll see if we can create a new healthy paradigm. If not, I have been through the abyss. It will hurt but I will let him go and move on.



So what changed with you???

I am glad for you AAK.

Cheers
_________________________
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

Top
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