or go to Retrouvaille. But they will ask if there is a third party. And they will say that he has to get rid of her first. Of course, that's not so bad either.
I don't think he is ready to admit that our R is worth going to Retrouvaille. But, you never know. He also really needs individual help. We have done Imago and all kinds of things that really clearly demonstrated why we are together and how we could heal together. It just did not fit with his image. Well, it is more than that, he is also hurt and scared that it would go back to how it was (me making him feel like sh*t) but, the behavior that everyone gets cuckoo about here now (comments to the kids etc) were happening in the M and I would react so I'm not sure how the heck that was supposed to be managed. He would act like a weenie and eventually I would call him on it and then he felt like crap. Kind of like now. Anyway, you have to DO the things that work.
The girl...she's thousands of miles away and looking back, not only has he been with me (barf), he has dated other women that he subsequently threw in my face. So, I don't think she is quite as significant as he makes her. I mean I think it is more of an ego macho European thing...I have my wife, I have my GF, I'm a stud...
Jesus, I don't know how I could ever be with him again...
...you want some kind of relationship? Let's work on it. Let's make it healthy. Otherwise, leave me the f*ck alone."
"And tell the GF to get lost!"
Yep. That's all you have to say.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Well, he came by today to do some work on his computer. I was about to leave and was not warm and fuzzy. He asked me what was wrong. I said I didn't want to get into it. I was fine. He insisted that something had changed...I finally went off on him about the comment he made to the kids last night. Then he went into how I'm out every night, blah blah blah...it was awful and I lost it and I was crying and I just told him that I need him out of my life that he equals pain and he sees me ok and he just doesn't stop until I turn into an overemotional psycho bitch. It devolved and I can't even get into all of it. I left. He emailed me that he promises he is going to get help this time and he can't stand hurting me just cuz he is out of control.
Later, when I came home, he was still here. I asked him if he has even contemplated clearing all of the bullshit and trying to deal with the hurt and the feelings between us. It was a lot of ya but and it is complicated and he has this girl and he knows it could end up being nothing but he feels so strongly and blah blah blah. And I finally told him to just go all the way. He has his friends and his new life so he can just leave me alone.
There was more but now, I have put it out there and I told him it is very generous for me to even offer putting any energy into this R given how I have been treated, that I have no illusions that we will be together, I just think it could be worth healing the dynamic between us.
Really, it disgusts me. The whole thing. I had to basically shove him out of here. I did suggest that when he gets back from his trip, he takes his computer out of here and whatever else he needs because I don't want him coming here acting like this is his place.
And the other guy isn't calling which is fine but would be nice to have a little buffer here.
Wow! You said what needed to be said. Things will get better.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Wow! You said what needed to be said. Things will get better.
Agreed. Now start marching forward!!
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I think my financial dependence really plays into my insecurities and fear. He threw it in my face today. I am trying to have faith that my baby steps will lead to opportunities...I even told him that I think without that tether he would be at a loss, meaning that he gets so much out of that feeling of superiority and control.
Thank you for reminding me. I was ranting that he is not here for me when he was grilling me to divulge my feelings and he responded mockingly, "Oh can you put some money in my account? I'm not here for you, pfew."
I said "well, that is your legal obligation. Emotionally, you are not here for me. I am a single mom, I am on my own."
I was kind of wigging out but it is the truth. He just takes takes takes and he is desperate to know who I've been with and he just exhausts me emotionally.
God, he sounds like a pr*ck. I'm sure there are some redeeming things I'm leaving out.
