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#1841329 - 09/21/09 02:23 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter
This gives me some hope but I am preparing for the worst.


I think that is the right attitude.


Edited by tristan (09/21/09 02:23 PM)
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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#1841369 - 09/21/09 03:13 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Thanks. I'm trying to keep it up. This is probably the most emotional time period of my life.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1841421 - 09/21/09 04:37 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Her ex husband is not happy with her either. She is taking their D9, my SD, out of a good stable home by all her friends into a little apt 20 miles away. I have become pretty good friends with him over the years. I feel for the D9.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1841552 - 09/21/09 06:46 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
I think there is a lot truth to the saying "you only want what you can't have". I really do want her back, but it makes when it is so 1 sided.

She is so head strong...I really didn't think we would get this far, that her armor would crack before now.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1841638 - 09/21/09 08:14 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
Thinker Offline
Member

Registered: 12/28/08
Posts: 1632
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter

Another one..how should I handle this? She doesn't want the kids around when she moves some stuff out. I can understand this but I feel like I am enabling her if I comply with her.


This isn't enabling. This is being a good dad and protecting your kids.

This is going to be traumatic for them, so take them out and go do something special and fun while your W moves out so that they don't have to be there watching her pack.
_________________________
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
No Resentment

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#1841642 - 09/21/09 08:25 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: Thinker]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
I just looked up the apt complex she is moving to. Looks nice but is set up like 21+ party central. I shouldn't have even checked it out but my kids will be staying there when they are with her. My day just went from somewhat ok to how in the hell am I ever going to let go? I'm going to have an anxiety attack.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1841673 - 09/21/09 09:00 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Someone tell me it is going to be ok....

I feel like the life I have lived up to 6 months ago is going to the toilet. I really love my family frown
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1841684 - 09/21/09 09:12 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tryingtilDorR Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/09
Posts: 361
I wish I could tell you that it will be OK. I know your definition of 'OK' is that everything gets back to normal and your W is suddenly happy again and the family stays together. I hope this happens for you, but there is a lot of transition that will need to happen between now and then most likely.

1) Your #1 priority is your children right now - you have to be there for them during this confusing time in their life.
2) Don't cling to your W - let her know that leaving is her decision and that you won't stand in her way, but you won't enable her either.
3) GAL - start defining yourself in terms of yourself and what you value and not as the H of your W. Focus on yourself as much as you can after taking care of (1) and (2). This is the hardest thing and the most unnatural act we have to perform, but after a while you start seeing/feeling the benefits and it gets easier. Also, as part of this process, try to recognize what your contributions to a bad M might have been so you can work on that just in case she decides to R.

As far as #3 is concerned, I look it like metamorphasis of the LBS. We need to go through a transformation like caterpillar to butterfly. Think of yourself as a caterpillar and you are about to go into the transformation stage. At the end of the process, we look back on the person we were at the beginning and realize that we have changed a lot for the better. If the W still chooses to not be with us and to traumatize the family in the process then it is their loss.

<sorry for the hokey analogy, but it kind of feels like that - I am not all the way through myself>
_________________________
ME/XW:47
S21, D19, S15, S14
M:21 T:26
W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12
W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline

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#1841700 - 09/21/09 09:28 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tryingtilDorR]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
I am going to talk to her Mom now. She has been wanting to talk to me but has not intiated contact. I know it is not going to do any good but I need some peace and to get to the start of some closure.

Please pray for me. I am a strong man 99% of the time but right now I feel like I have no skin on my body.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1841866 - 09/22/09 02:19 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter
Someone tell me it is going to be ok....


It will be OK. I too felt like you, everything down to contemplating suicide. Yesterday, 2 weeks into the seperation, I told my sister that it was as bad as I imagined it would be. It still sucks, but it really isn't as bad as I imagined it.

I have 2 pieces of advice:
1. Enjoy the kids when you have them.
2. Enjoy GAL'ing when you don't.

And if you get real lucky, you can do 1 & 2 at the same time smile
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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