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No R talk last night. She gave me money this morning for an attorney and she is actively looking for somewhere to live. I can feel that she does not really want to but she is so hard headed you can almost see herself pushing herself to go through with it.

I can't do anything about it and only let it runs it course and see where her head takes here. Very frustrating.

Last edited by wanttobebetter; 09/17/09 05:53 PM.

M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

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Well she got an apartment this morning. We get along and have good conversations but she just doesn't want to be in our house. she said she didn't even care if we got divorced because she is never getting married again. She told me to go dates even!!!

What do I do now? She asked me to keep the kids away from the house during the first of October while she moves. She doesn't want them to see the moving of stuff out of the house and the new apartment until she has it all set up. I was in a good mood last night but today I'm just down in the dumps. I'm letting her get the best of me...


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

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You are doing fine. I suspect that going back to work resulted in increased male attention and I hope not an affair, but this stinks of it. Do you have any knowledge of an affair? I wouldn't start saying, "early MLC", that's just a way to excuse away her behavior.

Just read the rest...her walking away without anything really smacks of a cheater. She probably doesn't want the kids to come by cuz she'll be busy cheating. Check the cell phone records and consider a keylogger program if she uses the computer excessively. Just keep letting her see you strong, cool, collected, and being the best possible you.

Last edited by Phoenixdeux; 09/18/09 07:33 PM.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
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There is definitely an increased amount of attention she is getting...

I am a new low right now. I was feeling great yesterday but today I physically hurt. I can't imagine anyone feeling like I do right now. I cannot see how I am ever going to feel better.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

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Hi WTBB
I don't know what to say of your situation as I am struggling in my own, right now.

What I do want you to know is that the physical pain that you are feeling is very real ... and felt by many of us here. I have days where I just want to curl in a ball and die ... the pain is so intense.

What I will tell you is that there are better days. None of them (for me so far) are good but they are less awful, if that makes sense. You just have to try to find a distraction for your thoughts.

Posting here is a wonderful outlet for your feelings and I no longer worry about how much I write or vent ... if people want to read your rambling then they will - if not, they will move along. YOU will feel better for having put your thoughts down.

Read A LOT of posts here ... you will realise that other people DO feel the same way as you do and you will learn how they are coping. Follow suit. MAKE yourself get out and about and try to GAL. These are the only things that will lift you out of your funk.

That said, you must also allow yourself to feel the pain sometimes - it is real but so is your situation. You can't bury it - that's not healthy. It's just about how you ease the symptoms and start treating the 'illness' that makes the difference. Go for walks, get physical exercise, spend time by the water or in amongst the trees. The elements are so good for the soul and have physical properties which make us feel a bit more lifted.

Start taking the medicine and move towards your recovery. You will feel better, whatever the outcome. Just be kind to yourself and know that it takes time. This is a long row to hoe.

We are here with you ... good luck.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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I am just hoping for the future...one she gets out on her own she will see how good we really had it and want to reconcile. But I have to prepare for the worst...that she will never want to.

I do see where other people have similar situations. That helps but at the same time it doesn't. I can tell they are in pain, but I feel mine.

I feel like the future we had together and the security of a good family was stripped out from underneath me. Very vunerable feeling.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

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I am so sorry to hear of your situation. The pain part really sucks...the first few weeks after H dropped the bomb, I felt like dying some days. I started looking at my part in it and felt even worse when I truly saw all my mistakes in the marriage. But the positive side of that and following DB recommendations has been that I am feeling better and better about myself week by week. My H's moods and mlc-behavior doesn't have to affect my happiness. It feels awful good to treat him with kindness, lightness, and keeping myself more busy. I really think following DB type principals can help save your sanity! (Not sure yet if it will save my marriage but time will tell.)

I don't know what the future will hold for you but keep yourself busy with the kids...is there any activity you'd always wanted to take them on but W never approved of? (Camping, hiking, sports, museums....etc?)

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I'm doing all I can with them but I have always done that. She has even made the comment the kids are always up my butt because I always spend time with them - I did not neglect her though.

Since she went back to work she has just changed. No other way to put it...she admitted this week she was selfish and just pushed all her feelings inside. I know she is scared inside but you would never know it by the way she acts. She keeps pushing herself to act like she is because she is afraid if she stops acting this way she will feel all the guilt.

She is moving into a 3 bedroom apt from a 3500 sq ft house in a perfect neighborhood that is close to school. She has not made a rational decision for a long time. I just don't know who she is and when she will ever, if ever, come out of it. How long do I hold onto this?


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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I had plans to go out with some neighbors tonight and she was going to watch the kids. I just got a text she found a babysitter so after she gets home she is going to go out. I feel like she is trying to 1up me. I didn't even respond.

I really don't want her to move out. I feel like all will be lost once she moves. I am playing it cool around her and not bringing it up, but it is killing me inside!!!! The kids don't even know anything about it.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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I have been reading posts forever now...I would love to get some feedback from some of the "experts" on here such as Puppy, Coach, Sandi, etc.

I really want my family back and if she moves out, I'm afraid any chance of that will go along with her.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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