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Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter

The only thing that sucks on this new place is she will have to sign a year lease.


Don't let this bother you too much. My W signd a year lease and was asking "If I could forgive her less than a month later." Work on GAL'ing; the rest can be worked out when the R is better.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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Oh I have the GAL thing going on...enough to where she is noticing it.

We had a long talk last night. She said she knows she has issues she needs to work through. I know she wants to stay...but she gets headed in a direction and cannot turn around. She will even tell you this. She said she will talk to a C...she has a history of running from problems and not facing them. I just wish I could be there for her.

I don't know if this is fair or not...but I feel I have the upper hand right now. I know I will be fine one way or the other...I know she is seriously conflicted on what to do and her life is about to get 10X harder.

I told her when we went to bed last night (there was some physical affection - not that much!), I told her I would always be there to talk to her and would not drag it into R talk. She said she appreciated that.

I told her before I left for work this morning to have a positive day today (she gets wrapped up in negative thoughts) and that if things would ever work out for us that I would not hurt her. What I was trying to get across was that if she opened up to me and put herself out there, I wouldn't be there to hurt her.

May not be all technically correct things to say or do, but it felt good and it felt right.

Thanks Tristan and EB for keeping tabs.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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She also said she is afraid of what a C is going to tell her and want to talk about it. She is full aware she has demons....I can't fathom why she would rather run away than fight them and keep her family???


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
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This is pretty normal, wtbb. If the blame and responsibility can be shifted to you, it allows for an eased conscience.

It won't last. My WAW literally said, "I won't go to marriage counseling because I don't want someone to change my mind." She even refused to attend our childrens' counseling, even though I gave her an open invitation.

Understand that there is a huge amount of emotional pressure - the WAS builds their reality and justification around you being the bad guy/girl, and that crumbles when they have to look inward.

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It is a little bit opposite...she says she is to blame. I mean we both are at fault but she is taking the brunt of it. Said she knows how good she has it and she is a fool for leaving but doesn't know what else to do. She really will tell you she is messed up in the head. This is from a woman who if you met her you would not be able to tell. It's kind of scary! I know my real W is somewhere in there. I really love her but there is nothing more I can do but be patient and be there when and if shoe does come around. At that point, I may have already moved on. We both know this and she is still willing to leave.

What a mess...


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

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Yes. My W said a lot of things that did not make much logical sense. One day it was all my fault, the next it was her who was a piece of s___ . It looks we are getting a lot of it sorted out right now, but it is going to take time.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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Ditto. It's me..it's you... Then it's me again.

I can't offer much insight, but I can relate.


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
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She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
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Yep, all part of the 'roller-coaster.' I just accepted responsibility for what I did or didn't do and left it at that. Then becasue I admitted my mistakes and was working to fix the issues, she lost a lot of her 'blame' ability and had to look at the woman in the morror. Eventually, as her false world lost it's clearity, she sunk into an even deeper fog.

Then she got help, finally.


Formerly SGfan
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W:33
M:8 yrs
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Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08
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Well at least I am in good company. I've accepted my end of the responsibility...even though she tells me I don't have to. She says she is to blame.

I just want to get off of the roller coaster. Right now I am fighting the battle off whether or not she is really going to move out or not. Once that is done (and I think she will), then I can work on moving on. Right now I feel a little bit of hope because she isn't gone yet.

She admits she is just pushing herself to move because she doesn't have any better ideas and she has already told herself she was going too. If she didn't it would be like giving up in her head.


M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

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My W texted the movers (kids she hired) at 12:30AM the morning of the move saying she had decided not to move. They never got the text and came over in the morning. And "since they showed up", she decided to move. Sometimes you just need to shake your head and laugh. Just don't do it in front of W.

Last edited by tristan; 09/29/09 04:44 PM.

Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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