A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 40 of 41 < 1 2 ... 38 39 40 41 >
Topic Options
#1915741 - 01/13/10 08:28 PM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: sandi2]
loveherstill Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 102
Loc: Missouri
Sandi2,

Could you please look at my thread. I am in need of advice

Thanks
_________________________
Me 33
WAW 32
S12
S4
S2
M12
T14
Not wanting to ever give up.

Top
#1916048 - 01/14/10 07:15 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: sandi2]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
Hello everyone! Just checking in. I've had a lot going on with the issues with my S10- we have had a few more "incidents" between him and my W since I last posted and I've since made the decision to assume 100% custody of him at my place while maintaining the 50% custody of S11 and D4. I don't like the children being separated like this even for a little while, but did not feel that there was any other choice as it was becoming a very serious issue with regards to my W's physical safety. Right now, I'm working with S10 on my own with his anger issues with my W while trying to locate a competent therapist that he can work with.

On top of the issues with S10, I've been dealing with a number of other issues with the kids in general, my W continues to push as many (kid related) bills as she can on me and as we head into the 11th hour of our upcoming meeting to flesh out the financial and child custody arrangements, my W decided to bring in an appraiser to appraise our house after all the work I did during the Holidays- she has decided that the market analysis done by my Realtor two months ago just doesn't leave her with enough money. Real nice. (I will be fighting to ensure that she does not get to benefit from any increase in value to the house since her move out.) So more delays in trying to refinance the mortgage, and if the interest rates go up on me, well it's not her problem.

There is much more I could post but suffice to say my W continues to maintain the majority of her focus on her own self gratification while Rome is burning. I haven't the interest or time to dwell on her problems, only on those she continues to cause for me and the kids.

Thank you all for your concern and continuing interest in my sitch. I'll try to jump back in here when I can.
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#1916063 - 01/14/10 12:39 PM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
iwantittowork Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 827
Loc: Massachusetts
Hey BJ, I think about you often, and glad you had a chance to catch up here.

It sounds like you have your hands full, but are doing great on all this. Keep it up, you will make it through this, and so will your kids. I hope you get S10 a good therapist, and get him started on the path to healing. Let him know that his feelings are valid, and hopefully he can start talking through it.

Ah yes, finances with the StBXW, the same spot I am having the hardest time with right now, both personally and just dealing with it. Remember that it is not permanent though, and even if things are not going your way financially now, once this is through, you WILL rebuild, regain your financial freedom, and succeed where you want to.

When I look at the very worst that can happen, and that would be having to declare personal bankruptcy, and then accept that could happen. It helps then to realize that you can rebuild from that. It's temporary only, many people have hit that, and then gone on to success again. Accepting that helps push forward through the mess of finances that StBXW's have wrought.

Quote:
I haven't the interest or time to dwell on her problems, only on those she continues to cause for me and the kids


Sounds like you are mentally in a good place, keep that above, and when you find your focus shifting to what StBXW is doing, turn it back to focus on you, your Kids, and what you and they need and want. Helps to keep you centered.

Keep us in your thoughts, and drop by and update us when you can. You know you are in our thoughts!
_________________________
M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."

Top
#1923954 - 01/26/10 06:25 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: iwantittowork]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
Well just a quick update. Completed my first financial 4 way meeting with my attorney, my W and her attorney. Didn't get as many things resolved as I wanted but made some headway nevertheless. Presently working to prepare for the appraiser my W and her attorney hired- he finally called (belatedly) last week to schedule an appointment with me for this week. What a pain in the a** playing all of these games! D really does bring out the worst in some people. As for myself, all it does for me is strengthen my resolve to get stronger and better. As always, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers for me and my family as you all are in mine. I'll continue to pop in when I can to check in with you all. Take care.

BJ
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#1924036 - 01/26/10 02:51 PM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
iwantittowork Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 827
Loc: Massachusetts
Hey BJ,

Your making some small progress, so that is good. It's nice just to see some forward movement..

Quote:
What a pain in the a** playing all of these games!


Yep...

Quote:
D really does bring out the worst in some people.


No doubt. It is tough to realize, it's all about the money at this point, and hard to separate that from what we 'thought' our stbx's where. Very tough. But, you have to approach it from what is in your interest now, and I know you are.

Quote:
As for myself, all it does for me is strengthen my resolve to get stronger and better.


That is the most important thing, in my opinion, it will help with the kids, the financial devastation, how you approach things going forward, and ultimately how you wind up after.

You are doing well my friend, don't forget that! Keep that attitude no matter what is thrown your way.

Good to hear from you again!
_________________________
M: 41
STBXW: 41
D: 9
Bomb: 4/26/09

On board the D train now..

"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."

Top
#1960249 - 03/17/10 07:39 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: iwantittowork]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
Hello all,

Just popping in for a quick update here as I've had my hands full as some of you can attest from my posts in other threads. Nothing really new to report thus far as my W (aka STBXW) and I are approaching another 4-way meeting with the L's, although my W has been making noise to everyone lately about how she has broken things off with OM for good and oh by the way she never had sex with OM the three evenings that they were out together and at his place. Curious, as it's always been understood that OM is/was the Ultimate Soulmate without flaw. Whatever.

In any event, between these little blurbs and hearing some really good news from my buddy DDAY about his sitch, I guess I'll keep this thread open here a little longer in this forum...even though I know it's long. Who knows what could happen. For now though, keeping detached and focused on the kids and the business end of things. Regards, BJ
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#1960250 - 03/17/10 07:41 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
Good to see you back on here! Often the WAS does a turnaround when OP is out of the picture. Don't give up. I see you aren't. THe fat lady hasn't sung yet.
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#2005834 - 05/19/10 07:44 AM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: Butterfly1]
BigJohn Offline
Member

Registered: 05/08/09
Posts: 444
Hello folks!

Just checking in (briefly) to say that I'm still alive and kicking. There have been more twists and turns in the saga which is my life right now that I have been dealing with- I will have to find time to give a more complete update later.

I'm happy to report that the sitch with my kids and especially with S10 has stabilized with the help of counseling. My W's relationship with OM appears to have withered and died- he has found someone locally in his community to romance and appears "done" with her (my W). Despite this, my W does not appear completely over her addiction to OM and remains committed to progressing towards D. Presently I feel completely burned out from my W's A and her treatment towards me and the kids. This has helped me sustain my "dropping the rope" strategy and frankly made me question whether I want to ever try to pick the rope up again. Only time will tell.

Again I am grateful for the concern and interest so many of you have shown for my sitch. I hope that my experience as I have chronicled here is helping other LBS in some way positively deal with their own sitchs.

Thank you again.

BJ
_________________________
M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself
_______________________________

Top
#2006301 - 05/19/10 10:29 PM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: BigJohn]
sandi2 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/28/07
Posts: 11052
Thank you so much for checking in and letting us here from you. I have wondered so many times about you, but I have always believed you were the kind of man who would be alright with whatever the outcome of the M. What I mean is that you are a strong person and you have what it takes to "make" a good life with the people who love you.

I'm not surprised at your W, but I had hoped she would get her eyes opened and see what she was throwing away. I hate the "addiction" factor that seems to completely take over. As it's been said before....it really seems to be like some kind of drug and it destroys families.

So happy to hear about you and kids. This has had to be awful for them. Glad you are their dad and are showing great support.

Hope to hear from you again.
_________________________
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

Top
#2008371 - 05/23/10 01:26 PM Re: Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2! [Re: sandi2]
Jman Offline
Member

Registered: 05/09/09
Posts: 216
Loc: FL
Hey BJ,

Its been awhile..I started a new post under surving the Big D..(Relief soon)..Its good to see you still on here..
_________________________
M:35
W:36
M:10 yrs
T:11.5 yrs
C: B7, G3
ED: 3/09
DB: 3/20/09
Served 12-8-09
Still going through the process

Top
Page 40 of 41 < 1 2 ... 38 39 40 41 >


Moderator:  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004