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#1846904 - 09/29/09 05:16 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
I never realized how crazy some of this can be. Makes me really appreciate the good times that we did have. I'm torn on her moving out.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

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#1847096 - 09/29/09 09:05 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
WalkingMan Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 223
You can love the person the she was and smile. I still love thast woman I married 7 years ago. She was a wonderful wife and companion. But the reality is that she doesn't exist anymore. The memories we had, I still consider a gift and will always cherish.

The thing is that people change over the years and a marriage must change with it.
_________________________
Formerly SGfan
M:38
W:33
M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
Bomb: Dec '08
Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08

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#1847134 - 09/29/09 10:12 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: WalkingMan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Tonight I stopped and bought food to make a dinner tonight....a special one. I don't expect anything in return. She said I was setting myself up for disappointment. I didn't let her see that her saying that hurt. I really want to go throw it all in the garbage but i'm going to make it with a smile.

She said she is still signing her lease tomorrow. This would be so much easier if we didn't the greatest kids....
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1847230 - 09/30/09 01:06 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Well she's packing stuff while I am typing this.....guess she is going through with this and its really over frown

Found out she moving into a 2 BR apt with 3 kids. She must really want out of here.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1847243 - 09/30/09 01:39 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
JonF Offline
Member

Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 896
This is a rough time - I remember.

However, I recall that after W moved out, she eventually started hanging out, and we got to the point where we were spending 7-8 hours in a day as a family, and were together probably 5-6 days a week.

Unfortunately, she has severe emotional issues, but in a normal scenario, it would have been at the minimum a great friendship, and the best case, a reconciliation...

Keep your chin up. Stand firm on this separation, it is not all it'll be cracked up to be, and the temptation is to extend helpful hands as a way of "being the nice guy", but don't forget she is giving up "husband privileges".
_________________________
Me-35 W-32 M-4yrs
A - 6/26/2013
D filed 8/19/2013, dismissed 12/13/2013
D refiled 2/24/2014, dismissed
Second A 5/2014, I filed, finally done

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#1847244 - 09/30/09 01:39 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
ClingingToHope Offline
Member

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 3082
Loc: Illinois, United States
I'm praying for you. The first few days are very, very, very hard. Keep on the boards and keep track of positives. The negatives lurk around every corner.
_________________________
Me: 45, Ds 16-12, D final 6-11
http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz
http://tiny.cc/thread2
http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu
http://tinyurl.com/thread4
http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6
http://tinyurl.com/thread6

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#1847251 - 09/30/09 01:58 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: ClingingToHope]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
It's not over 'till its over. Continue to take care of yourself. You will get through it.

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#1847260 - 09/30/09 02:11 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: NoLongerHere]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
Thanks guys. Wish you were here so I could buy a round for you guys.

Mine has emotional issues....she is just starting to realize it and I hope they don't take her over before she gets help.

I will stand tall on this separation. I prefer to call it that....she will say we are just doing this until we get divorced but I know not to believe everything she says.

Her head is empty and she is running on emotion right now.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1847265 - 09/30/09 02:13 AM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
It gets better....I will see her almost every day. Our youngest D is too young to get on the bus by herself so the W will bring the SD by my (our) house every morning because the W is moving outside of the school boundaries. Then she will have to pick up the SD every day and the D if it is her week. It is actually convenient for both of us.

I really have to find that line between helping her out and not enabling her because this was her decision. Pisses me off that the 3 kids are being shoved into a room together because she wants to "find herself".

I will be back here often...
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1847563 - 09/30/09 02:18 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
WalkingMan Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 223
Hang in there my friend. My XW has mental/ emotional issues as well. The day she left, I remember her saying "it's my turn to be selfish." I felt that all the work I had done for the past year meant nothing to her. But now, all this time since, she sees that I had made the effort to change and it was good. In fact, becuase I had worked on myself and changed, she got the insiration to get help and goto therapy.

In a way, separation may provide the separation your wife needs to get a handle on things and see the situation more clearly. Perhaps even miss you. Stick with GALs!
_________________________
Formerly SGfan
M:38
W:33
M:8 yrs
T:10 yrs
Bomb: Dec '08
Separated: 4/18/09
Divorce: 8/28/09
XW Affair began: April 08

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