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#1831760 - 09/03/09 05:35 PM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Lost Rabbit]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10670
God bless you for a restfull sleep.

Just one more thing to add. When your H calls you, do not answer his phone call. Act as if you were out and didn't realize he called. As hard as it is, don't do it. Show him you are standing and living on your own.

I have a suspicion that he has OW and that is what your son is not telling you. Although I find it quite immature that your son is playing this game with you. He should either tell you what he knows or not say anything out of respect to you.

Remember...DO NOT talk to your H!
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1831792 - 09/03/09 07:00 PM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Hey Rabbit
Oh (((hugs))) for you. Look, like most of us go through, you have hit a down trough. You were riding high on the crest of the wave and now you have crashed - normal, expected.

Stuck is right, I'm afraid. You must hang in there, continue to do as you have been - it's early days and you are so new to DB'ing - you have done so well, so quickly. The plain truth is, none of us know if our WAS will come home and so, facing that truth and despite what your son professes to know, what's the worse that could happen? The worse, in my mind, you have already faced as H has left. Just as you had no control over that happening, you have no control over when or even if H will come back. It's what LBS deal with each day - the reality is, we have to get tough to that and learn to deal ... it's so damned hard and some days are harder than others but that's our lives now and we have no choice - we must march forward with hope and faith in our hearts that one day, things will be different. Maybe they will, maybe they won't but we have to use the interim time to make us the best person that we can be. For us.

Not having kids, I don't know how to advise on your S's behaviour right now, although I'm wondering how he would feel if the tables were turned. Have you told him that you find his comments hurtful and that he is damaging the small repairs that you are making? Sounds like he's not quite on his father's side if he's going to 'get his moneys worth' - hopefully he will not take 'sides' at all but he needs to understand that his role right now should be to support you and not be acting as a 'go between' and the harbinger of doom and gloom. Also, I wonder why your H is telling your S that there's more sh*t coming down ... maybe you could work off the fact that we are all facing sh*t from our Ss all the time and so just prepare yourself daily for what might or might not be thrown at you.

The trouble with all of this is that it is all so very waring - the stress from the whole situation is 'depressing' and stressful but I don't think that you are clinically depressed at this time - be careful and know the difference. If you are not sure, google 'clinical depression' and make sure that you do know. If you display symptoms, get help quickly - if you then believe that you are depressed, don't let it take route. However, I reckon you are on safe ground at the moment.

Glad that you have a new green bag which to house your iPhone in! That's gonna make you feel good when you are out and about! Treating ourselves at this time is important, whatever we can afford, as it's good for our own self-esteem.

I'm glad that others have started visiting your board as you will get a better perspective. Sorry that I wasn't here last night but I got invited out for coffee and didn't get back until fairly late or I would have picked up your current sadness. You will be in bed now as my day is just starting but apart from my interview this morning, I will be around later today, when you get up. We can chat then.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1831800 - 09/03/09 07:12 PM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: MrBond]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Rabbit
Again, I have to (sadly) agree with Stuck. The fact that there is a distinct possibility that there is an ow in the picture has to be faced. It's (again) what most of us here are facing, even if at first it does not appear to be that way.

If anyone ever told me my H would have an ow, I would have called them a liar. I NEVER EVER believed that he would have done such a thing as he always told me that if I had an OM, he would shoot me first and then track down OM and kill him. That's how strongly he felt about fidelity and infidelity.

I'm just erring on the side of caution here but I do think that it would pay dividends to prepare yourself that it could be a possibility. If you are ready for it, you won't get blindsided when, and if, H drops the bomb. Your reaction will be well thought out and that will blindside him!

Blokes are still immature well into their twenties (and some in their thirties), for my ten bobs worth! Again, I think that to sit your son down for a heart-to-heart will be the best that you can do right now. If he doesn't know how much his words are hurting you, then maybe offering him the scenario in which his GF leaves him and you play his current role may make him understand. This is not about him though, it's about you and H - your S is a man who no longer lives at home (right?) and he should be respecting your privacy and stay out of it. You know him best and only you will work out a way of getting this across to him.

Good luck - will check in with you later.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1831833 - 09/03/09 08:59 PM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Lost Rabbit]
LookingFrAnswers Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/09
Posts: 342
Loc: OH
HI L R,
I did the same thing you did today LR! I am going to be on an overnight retreat for work next Thurs. & Fri. & I asked H if he could stay with the dogs. THe kennel is really expensive though esp. for both of them, but EN you have a point. But it really does me a favor, and they are partly his responsibility too.

And similarly, H left a bunch of clothes, tools, all kinds of stuff here too - it's been 5 months now! I am sick of looking at it, but I was too heartbroken to deal with it. I like the box solution. WHy should I have to look at his crap all the time?

And I think we must be on the same wavelength LR, about your comment "my chiro asked me this morning why it has become so popular for WAS these day, and I said because everything has become throw away able now so marriages/relationships can be dumped without question!"

I had this thought today too! Had appt. with my IC, and afterward was just thinking I don't think my wedding vows mean very much to too many people, except to me. OBviously not to H but so many people, inclduing his C have the attitude that oh well, you're not happy, guess you should just trash it. You're right, that's what most people do!

I'll stop ranting now! :-) But kind of amazing that we had 3 similar experiences today. Interesting! Sounds like you are doing great, taking care of yourself, keeping busy, keep it up. Here in the states it will be Labor Day weekend & I am trying to fill it up w stuff to do so I don't get down over the 3 day wkend. I'm sure I'll be checking in though! Hope you both get some rest.
LFA

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#1831956 - 09/04/09 01:46 AM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: LookingFrAnswers]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Originally Posted By: LookingFrAnswers
I had this thought today too! Had appt. with my IC, and afterward was just thinking I don't think my wedding vows mean very much to too many people, except to me. OBviously not to H but so many people, inclduing his C have the attitude that oh well, you're not happy, guess you should just trash it. You're right, that's what most people do!


Yeah, what's up with that?

First time I went through this, that was one of the thoughts I kept in my head. I made a commitment. I don't know what YOU'RE (meaning W) thinking, but I commited to the M and I meant it. That's all there is to it.

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#1831987 - 09/04/09 04:01 AM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: NoLongerHere]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Yes ... just because our car may not start from time to time, does that mean that we throw it away and get another one ...??

I've thought much the same too - we hear so often that we live in a disposable society but I always thought it meant McWrappers and plastic water bottles ... time for a re-think, it would seem.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1831992 - 09/04/09 04:23 AM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Morning all, yep just got up here managed a lie in this morning much needed as I woke up at 4am and struggled to get back to sleep. H suffered/s with insomnia and now it seems do I despite the tablets. Nothing much planned for today although I will go and ride madam as she has had two days off!

S is moving back home on sunday, he has been stopping over his girlfriends during the summer as she hasnt access to a car. He did say that also he didnt want to deal with me, but he wouldnt have to if he stopped what he was doing got his own life and left me to GAL as best as I can, obviously he will be at work all day and hopefully soon will I. He and I have always knocked heads together as we are so alike, but on the other hand we are as thick as thieves, he still phones me first when he leaves work then his girlfriend which always makes me smile. I know he feels the loss of his dad as much as me.

Nel I am so pleased to hear you were out GAL and LFA it is good you have work to go to, wish I had something more, before H and S went wandering it used to take me all day to sort out the washing, clean the house and pop and ride madam, now the day seem so long. The annoying thing is I used to have a job which got me down a bit after five years so I left to be a homemaker again as agreed with H, but if his story of how he has been so miserable for about eight years is anywhere near true, he should have at least said something about getting a different job and then now I wouldnt have been stuck here everyday looking glum.

Anyway upwards and onwards off to see what you all have been doing!
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1831997 - 09/04/09 04:38 AM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Oh Rabbit - that's good news that your S is moving home ... I hope! At least it will be good company for you, especially if his GF is around ... do you get on with her? I hate anyone to be lonely ... the feeling is far too hideous and I can't bear that I am feeling it myself. For the short time that I can spend with 'friends', it makes me feel so different.

Yes, last night was OK - it was only coffee and a chat but it broke a few hours and by the time I had watched Corrie and Emmerdale when I got home, I was more than ready for sleep. This is where I repeat for no-one to tell me what is happening in either of the soaps as we are still so far behind the UK, here in Oz!! Love it - my heritage!! I would seriously curl up and die if it weren't for my nightly dose of those (excepting for Saturdays as Foxtel don't allow it on that night)!!

So, you are sounding hopeful of a good outcome from your interview? How did it go and when will you know the outcome? I know that everyone dislikes being at work and we all moan about it but gee, we all NEED to be there right now! I so relate Rabbit, to what you are saying about having given up work. I would never have done that if I knew the H-bomb was on it's way ... I was earning some pretty good money in my last position and I could use that right now - as much as everything else.

Glad that you had a good sleep - it's not quite the same when it's broken but at least if you can drop back off, it helps. Hopefully it's a lovely day there with you (!!) and you can go give madam a good work out ... who does she think she is loafing around for two days with no saddle on her back?!!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1832392 - 09/04/09 04:33 PM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Not a bad day in parts. One of the yard staff asked me to decide which rugs I wanted to keep down there for madam and I nearly lost it, its ridiculous its just rugs but it just felt one too many pressures, but I would seriously have upset yard staff if he thought he had upset me, so I bit my lip and did my best.

Was quite a relief that I am waiting for my new sim card to connect as I havent checked for txts all day, just to see if its connected yet. I think I have managed to connect it to Itunes ok but its merrily synchronising now so I will still have to wait.. Cant wait to play with it..

Checked house ansaphone, H's message is still on it, I cant bring myself to delete this one, I did delete the other one, but as I doubt I am gonna hear his voice for at least another week or two I have left it there for the time being, hopefully one day I will be annoyed enough to delete it.

Managed to have two conversations with S tonight and didnt get involved with any about H, if he could keep to that it would make life so much easier for me, his girlfriend J was with him tonight, she is lovely and several times has asked him to back off, or told him off for upsetting me, she is a smashing lass bless her think she is going to be a keeper. But she is back at uni and S will visit her at the weekend. So it will back to having him around mon-thur and weekends to myself.

The green bag made me smile several times today, its such a jolly colour and with winter drawing in we need as much cheeriness as we can muster. Off riding out in the park tomorrow with my friend and her horse, madam will enjoy a blast across the fields and it will be good to blow the cobwebs out of my hair too.. Speaking of which I must get it cut next week, although I did get both Dr/Nurse app booked for next week. Thats the best thing I think is just to keep busy.

Best Wishes to you all x
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1832607 - 09/05/09 04:02 AM Re: After 30 Years! [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Well done Rabbit ... way to go!

It's hard when people ask you to make a small decision and it feels mammoth to you. I remember the guy at the airport asking me to take out the laptop, turn it on and then repack it, 5 days after the H-bomb had dropped and I was running back to the UK. I almost lost it ... he was really good with me, as were all the travel related staff in fact. I told them I had had bad news and was on my way home to sort stuff, couldn't bring myself to say that my husband had binned me off. We get by.

Hope that you have had fun with your phone! That's killed a few hours, I'm sure. H wanted me to pay my own phone bill this month but I said no as it was a Christmas gift and I won't pay it until my contract expires! Not a happy bunny on that one but then said "it comes out of the joint anyhow" - which kind of acknowledges that I do put money in, when I have earned some! Confusing - but that's them .. away in alien territory!

Wish that I was coming for a canter in the park - I used to love it so much! Leave the green bag at home tomorrow though, won't you?!!

Yes, catching up on medical appointments is a positive thing to kill time and to be pro-active for yourself. I had it all done the other week!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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