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Wow, Rabbit! Awesome! What can I say? It sounds wonderful! I can understand your frustration and I can see you don't want H to be thinking this is ok for the future. I guess at the moment the patience mantra has to be applied for a short while. It allows him a little space and gives him time to consider his position without being given an ultimatum. Why not put a date on your calendar and do nothing until that date? When you reach the date you can always postpone. It sounds like you are enhancing your communication anyway, so the discussions could just go there naturally.

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Slowly, slowly Rabbit ... maybe it's time for Gucci to come visiting with a piece of advice on your next move! Have you heard from him yet? I don't remember, I'm afraid.

You sound like you are having a great time but I think that you are wanting to cry as this is seriously messing with your emotional/hormonal ebb and flo's.

Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
Im going to have to start doing WAW, it scares me but I dont want to be a six month affair going no where!


I know that you are enjoying what's happening with H and I sooooo see the temptation but I think that it's a bit too easy for your H at the moment - he wants it and you are giving it. He's not doing any work as such and yet he comes home and eats cake. If you continue to allow that, why would he be motivated to moving back?

I don't know what else to tell you really, just that I am here, as always. ((((((((((Hugs Rabbit)))))))))


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Yep, Nell is right. It is cake eating and as Nell suggests it could be the time to pull back. Only you know what to do here.

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Cas and Nell you have hit the nail on the head, the thing I sense most from him is that he has not had control for a long time possibly never in his eyes, and he likes having some control as much as I like being the new woman.. We have to come to some point where he feels comfortable relinquishing his control some of the time, not all of the time because I believe he needs to be more in charge of his own destiny and so do I!

I know that whilst we are having an "affair" so to speak and our R is moving forward either in honesty or perhaps renewing how we feel about each other I feel happy not considering it "cake eating". He isnt always running away any more, I mentioned that it would be nice to have a weekend away together and he agreed! When I teased him about looking sheepish, he said it was a positive thing he was at least going off to do his own thing not running away from me.. like I said there are so many little steps, like me asking if he wanted to be put on the electoral register, adding no point if you are never going to live with me again, he never said no, just said he hadnt put his name on the one he'd received at his place! He is giving me baby steps but is still to ready to run backwards if threatened!

He is coming up on wednesday and although Im open to having some fun, Im not going to instigate it at all, there are also some household things that need doing so we will see if being with Rabbit doing chores holds the same alure! Its hard because I totally understand where he is coming from, but at the same time Im hackering after roses, chocolates and romance! Will have to see where this goes over those next few days, if he is incapable of giving me something towards an ILY well then I think Im just going to have to be busy "washing my hair" and finding more suitable GAL activities, till he realises this victoria sponge isnt for eating! Yes I am doing the pursuing(reeling in) at the moment but I do want to be pursued too, and certainly do not want to be the "safe bet" Mr Rabbit isnt stupid he knows exactly what Im up to and Im sure he will also realise that Im not going to accept being taken for granted either, its just a case of how do we get from A to B with both of us fufilling the criteria we have set. But then no one said it would be easy lol!

I certainly would value some Gucci input after H goes back next week, bearing in mind that its some sort of effort into the R side of things I am looking for, and if there is none then I reckon its Gucci time!


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LR,

Just caught up on your sitch. I agree with Cas, Nell, and you that it may be time for "gucci-like" measures. Think of it as an experiment in the short term and monitor results. I know just how hard it is to do this sort of thing.....your emotions are all over the place, even more than when you are straight-out trying to re-establish contact (i.e. pursuing).

Question: in the past did you and your H ever have a pursuer - distancer dynamic? If so, did your H ever play the pursuer role? If so, he probably has it in him to do that again. What was it about that time that made him want to pursue? You might be able to play this card again????

Thanks for your fabulous suggestions for my "date" night with H. I posted a synopsis on my thread. If you have a chance I'd love your feedback on my evening with H. The "racy" stuff is at the end ----mild compared to YOUR sitch. I'm reading your post to get more flirting ideas.

Best,

GAG

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So, there you have it Rabbit ... now watcha gonna do next??


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Win a red rossette on my darling baby girl and grin like a muppet for at least a week!

Ooppps did that today lol, we won the yard "one day event" better than an organism (yes I did spell that wrongly on purpose) lol.

As for the rest will see how that ticks along next week, before instigating "operation gucci"

GAG he did a lot of the pursuing first time round I have to admit I did lead him a merry dance but I was only sixteen and thats my excuse anyway.. Nell Im just going to take it slowly next week and see what pans out!


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Rabbit, have you read Mars & Venus on a date? The different stages of dating are super useful to know. Sounds like he's in stage 1 or 2 while you are thinking it's a 3 or 4. Even in my situation (stage 0?!) this is a helpful book!

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Have read it before when it first came out, not sure if I still have it, can you remind me of the stages Buttercup that would be useful!


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Mars & Venus on a Date & How a woman should act during those stages:
Stage 1 - Attraction: You are the special one. Let him do things for you that make you happy. Seeing you happy is what will make him happy. Be gracious, positive, sweet, and appreciative for his efforts but do not do things back for him or you are undermining his pursuit. (Can kiss but would not be having sex with him at this stage.)

Stage 2 - Uncertainty: Things were great. Now suddenly he doesn't call or ask you out. He's pulled back and is having doubts. Give him room. If you talk to him do not pressure him or act hurt. Be sweet, positive, and short conversation. Leave him knowing that when he gets over his doubts and sees how wonderful you are - he can contact you without fear of you holding it against him. But keep BUSY with your life at this point! Do not wait around for him.

Stage 3 - Exclusivity:
Stage 4 - Intimacy
Stage 5 - Engagement

(H just got home. Might be able to post more from the book later.)

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