I'm sorry to hear about your friends passing though it was what she was ready for, seemingly. She will be back with her loving husband and that's the best news.
This is an easy dilema, as far as I see it. Either use email or text but NO PHONE. Remember short and blunt - you can miss out on mysterious this time! Such:
"H, just to let you know that (friend) passed away at 4am this morning. Will let you know funeral details as and when they come through".
Nothing else needs to be said.
So glad that you had a nice time last night ... more of what works and let's hope that it does get back to H that you didn't roll in until 3am - that will be a big and stunning 180 for him to swallow, won't it?!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Your right its no dilemma at all is it. Im giving too much thought to his feelings, actually if I had thought about it I could have even told mother to let him know herself and given her the number, as H really isnt anything to do with me anymore lol! So short blunt email it is, as a txt I feel is still too much of an invitation for him to phone me, and he is gonna have to phone me because he wants too.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Good girl! You are picking this up much quicker than I did and you are more determined, too.
Perhaps you should just let H know about the death and say just that -> you will ask your mum to let him know the funeral details. That would shock him!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Just to let you know that L passed away at four o’clock this morning, no funeral arrangements as yet, also G has broken her leg and is currently being transferred back to cottage hospital, cards can be sent to G's address as mail is being picked up from there.
Rabbit
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
"OK - thanks. No, I haven't been bumped" (in the car).
That's even shorter, blunter and somewhat mysterious!!
Are we getting good, or what?? Going to congratulate myself soon with a mug of Horlicks and two furries to snuggle up to as I head off for another early night. At least I now have an excuse with work to go to!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
S has just phoned and asked me if I knew about dear friend passing away, so I asked him if he had spoken to his grandparents. No he had heard it from H. So apparently I no longer need to communicate with my H as if he needs to know some thing about my family my sister will tell him first! Why am I bothering with this man, he rather consort with my stirring family than make contact with his wife, the one who has loved and supported him for the last twenty nine years. I have to say smacking him on the head with a spade is looking more enticing every day! How can I be short, blunt and mysterious if everyone is blabbing?
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 09/13/0907:47 PM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
No reply from H but then the email didnt really require one, and he'd know I wouldnt be too upset as L's passing was a blessing really for her to go be with her beloved husband.
Its amazing how H only see's my sister as a friend now and has convienantly forgotton all the stirring she has done in the past and the reasons why I dont trust one member of my family any further than I can throw them!
Anyway onwards and upwards, inspired by Nell's list I did my own last night and it was very therapeutic! so here goes!
180’s
I can control my panicking. I can deal with things on my own. Learnt that I can’t control/influence H I have survived for seven weeks on my own I have managed the finances and dealt with the bank/mortgage company I have managed not to phone H at all and leave phone contact to him I have managed not to beg, cry, fall apart when H is around I have gone for four weeks without seeing him I have applied for IT jobs whereas before I didn’t have the confidence to do so Can speak to H and not be drawn into any R conversation Can speak to H and not even ask him how he is/doing/living/is there a OW Know I matter and H is in charge of his own life/mess now
New Challenges
Coped on my own for the first time ever GAL without H Learnt to deal with things without asking H Kept the house running without help Sorted out my new phone and set it up on my own Continued to lose weight and not resorted to comfort eating Now a size ten and same weight as when got married His cat is now MY cat Got my self esteem back (well some of the time) Bought new clothes and high heels again Keep myself looking good for me now Went to the tip on my own Do new things because I want to Bought party clothes and felt sexy again Not afraid to spend time on my own
Have set myself a huge list of things to achieve this week, and some how I need to be seen to GAL in the evening, even if Im faking it a bit to start with, my only problem is that at the moment I am not working and when I finally get a job, I will have to devote three evenings a week to riding madam, that wont be seen as GAL more of having the life Ive already got!
Still keeping up the NC but Im beginning to wonder if this is being construed as "getting my own back" H is supposed to be coming up weekend after next to look after the cat whilst I am away, was contemplating putting her in the cattery because a the end of the day I am going to have to get her used to it if I am going to be on my own. But again it could be misconstrued as spite, and now H is in the clutches of the "family" believe me serious amounts of sh*t stirring will be going on. Was just going to keep NC going until after that weekend, letting him phone me and me emailing any important questions and info to him. That will have been about six weeks of doing that by the time we get to that weekend, and I dont think its making a heck of a lot of difference!
This is a bit of a mixed bag of ramblings today, more getting thoughts down on paper so to speak.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well done Rabbit - doesn't it make you feel good seeing that list written here. When you are doubting yourself, come back to it. Better still, copy and paste it in to a draft email ... I keep one going all the time just to refer back to really quickly - I add on all the quotes that are good for me when I need an instant fix and none of the usual buddies are around on the board. Works for me! Just make sure that there is no email address in the to line - wouldn't want to send your treasures to H mistakenly!!
You have come a long way very quickly. You are also having the same thoughts as me on the nc - I am feeling a bit better since H initiated some contact and we have since had 3 emails regarding the finances/car insurance. Every little helps and as MWD says, you have to make each of those contacts show you in the best possible light that you can.
Hold your head high Rabbit - you are doing a fine job!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Thanks Nell head is a bit drooping today, my upset stomach is still giving me grief and its draining me a bit now.. But I suppose I can add that to the list as well "managed to be poorly without H's assistance" lol! Its not so easy when WAS dont have any reason to come back to the home. Like you even the cat doesnt hold much importance in H's life now, yet she was his "baby girl"
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
