A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.

DIVORCE BUSTING COACHING SPECIAL TODAY!
PURCHASE 3 OR MORE COACHING SESSIONS AND SAVE $30.
CALL 303-444-7004 to take advantage of this special discount.



Page 17 of 24 < 1 2 ... 15 16 17 18 19 ... 23 24 >
Topic Options
#1850296 - 10/05/09 01:13 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
I was not aware she was bipolar. Was it mentioned before? Did you know? The reason I ask is my W is diagnosed with the same tendencies. It does change things a bit (actually quite a bit). Has she seen a psych? Find out if it is Bipolar I or Bipolar II. There is a big difference between the manic side of these 2 types.

In the manic phase, bipolars can become impulsive in their decissions. They can become irratable. They can become paranoid. Sound familiar? My suggestion is read up on everything you can about bipolar. This is a difficult illness for both the diagnosed and their spouse. This can be a real emotional rollercoaster, so be ready.

Start keeping track of her moods and ask her to do the same. This will help you find "triggers" that set the mood swings in motion. Try to request that she see a psych fairly regularly. Fortunately, bipolar can be controlled somewhat with meds over a period of time. But as my W and I found, this must be carefully administered or it can do more harm than good. This is a chronic illness that she will be battling for the rest of her life, but it can be controlled.

Good luck.


Edited by tristan (10/05/09 01:14 PM)
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

Top
#1850302 - 10/05/09 01:27 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter
can anyone give me advice on what to do next? She is really reaching and I am there for her.


Sorry WTTB. I read too fast in the last post and noticed that she was hiding the bipolar.

As for the current advice, understand that much of what she may have been doing is due to the illness. She has has as little understanding of what is going on in her head as you do. A bipolar once explained it to me as (not exact quote) "Your emotions feel like a candle in a hurricane. You are consumed by them." So be very understanding of her.

Also, she has confided this diagnosis to you. Do not give this info out to anybody; it is hers to give out.

Finally, all you can do is be there for her. Listen to what she is going through. Try to understand her emotions. Praise her when she takes steps to overcome the illness (taking meds, seeing psych, refuting impulsive thoughts, etc.). Consider this diagnosis for both of you. You will both be affected and it will be both of your responsibilities to control it.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

Top
#1850329 - 10/05/09 02:13 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
One more thing WTBB. If you do not have a IC, you should consider getting one. Choose one that has good knowledge of Bipolar. At first, the IC will help you understand what is going on between your W and you. After you have a good understanding of bipolar, the IC will still be a good outlet for you.

Take care.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

Top
#1850334 - 10/05/09 02:22 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
This is something that will be kept to us. Last night was the deepest conversation we've had in 7 years of being together. She has not been diagnosed with it, but all the research I've done clearly shows it.

Last night when I got off the phone with her she said today she would be fine. She has already called me this morning and went through the process of getting pre-certified through our insurance program. She still has to follow through with it but she has made some major steps in getting the help she needs.

I do have an IC....he has recommended to me before that she needs help. The last thing my W wanted to hear from me is that she needed help...she needed to come to that conclusion on her own and I knew she would in time. It took her leaving to do it though.

Significant headway has been made in the last 24 hours. I know this is going to be a long, long road but I hope we can at least stay on it.


Thanks for your insight Tristan.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1850335 - 10/05/09 02:28 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter
This is something that will be kept to us. Last night was the deepest conversation we've had in 7 years of being together. She has not been diagnosed with it, but all the research I've done clearly shows it.


Then you need to request that she see a psych. Meds can help this. Hopefully she will follow through. If she and the psych are willing to let you join her at the session that is good too.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

Top
#1850356 - 10/05/09 02:54 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
She is going to. She really admitted a lot of things last night....how I have been spot on when saying things to her, how she really didn't mean a lot of the things she said but felt she had to say them, how she pushes herself and keeps running away - she even said she will only 'glance back' over her shoulder because she doesn't want to see what she is running from. She even described herself in different 'modes'...the working mode, the Mom mode, how she satisifies each of those....man it was deep. Things I always though I knew but for the first time she admitted them. I know if took A LOT for her to first realize then second admit them to me. This is what I have desired for so long..to be able to communicate. I really made it through to her that I am there to listen, to help her through this and that I am not going to use any of this against her.

No matter what happens between us, she is going to have to address these issues...otherwise she knows she is going to implode.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1850394 - 10/05/09 03:29 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter
She even described herself in different 'modes'.


Actually, I think most working moms struggle with this. However, I will let the ladies chime in.

Originally Posted By: wanttobebetter
keeps running away


My W often uses phrases like this. She just wants to run away from everything. I am not all that sure that this is all that abnormal either: "Calgone take me away!" But I think my W may have made impulsive decissions to act on it.


Going to see a psych is a good idea. After reading some of the beginning of your thread; it sounds like she may have entered a hypo-manic phase recently. Has she had long periods of depression in the past? That is the other side of bipolar. Does she have any relatives that have been diagnosed with mental illness (Bipolar, Obsessive-Compulsive, Schizophrenia, Depression, etc.)? There is a genetic component to these illnesses.

In any case, I would be careful of trying to diagnose her too fast. Even professionals can disagree; my wife's psych believes that she is bipolar, but the MC still believes that she has borderline tendencies. Although I don't think he disagrees with the bipolar diagnosis anymore.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

Top
#1850434 - 10/05/09 04:21 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: tristan]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
She does have phases...she has been depressed in the past. Her Mom is somewhat the same way. Impulsive actions w/o little thought about the future.

Last night she kept saying there is no way I could understand...I told her I watched her decide she was going to move out, look for a place, sign a lease, move stuff....I told her I could see in her head she was just pushing herself to take the next step no matter how irrational she was acting. She doesn't want to look back because she is scared about what she is leaving behind. She said I was exactly right.

Her world is falling apart right now. There is a lot of gossip in our small town right now...there is two different people that have said something to her this morning about the whole situation the other night. A lot of it probably is not true...I told her that does not matter because the truth does not always sell...look at tabloids!

She is facing the consequences of all she has done. I hope she can bear it all. I will be there for her but she is finally realizing the world does not revolve around her.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1850435 - 10/05/09 04:22 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
I hope she can get in and talk to someone soon. I feel like she has to get in now while she is in this phase of being open. Her guard will be back up soon.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
#1850653 - 10/05/09 09:38 PM Re: How did I get here? [Re: wanttobebetter]
wanttobebetter Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/09
Posts: 234
well, things have been interesting. She called me and wanted to talk. She wants to talk with a C really bad. I tell her I will meet her at 2 at home. I get home at 2 and she is already here and has taken 5 1mg xanax. She said she wishes she had taken the whole bottle frown

she was crying uncontrollably until the xanax took effect. She is now sleeping. I checked with the dr (this is my scrip, not hers) and he said this is not enough to hurt but to keep watch on her. I got her an appt tomorrow am to talk with a C and her Mom is coming over soon. I don't know who is going to wake up when she does and I hope she is ok with her Mom being here. I am in one messed up situation.
_________________________
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

Top
Page 17 of 24 < 1 2 ... 15 16 17 18 19 ... 23 24 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004