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#1807333 07/24/09 02:50 AM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 70
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We got a referral to a MC from my H's individual counselor of 3 years. We saw our MC before marriage for many months, because we didn't get any premarital counseling through the church, H's idea. I went along, it was ok/good, we were talking about stuff that needed to be talked about.

Day before the wedding, my H was freaking out. He met me for a long walk and we talked about his concerns. He tells me that he was advised not to marry me based on so many concerns, I'm thinking this advice was from a friend until we get home from the honeymoon, and he says it was the MC! Says he went alone to her day before and gave her this grocery list of concerns and she said that if he was concerned about so much, don't get married. But, he says he loves me and wants to me married to me, so he did after we talked.

Obviously, this does not dispose me to like this MC at all, nor trust her. So when the newness wears off a bit, I suggest that we go to a new, recommended MC. H goes along for 5 sessions or so getting increasingly anxious because the MC is telling him to loosen up and consider medication. This sets off a panic attack for my H and so we don't see male MC again. H is obviously insecure and can't take anyone blaming him for anything.

After long discussion, I agree to go back to original MC even though I'm not happy about it. We go a few months, and as I fall into a deep depression, I'm feeling more and more picked on in the sessions. No one is focusing on what H is doing, but only me, so I'm unconsiously tuning it out. H drops the bomb on me in our session in mid March that if I don't "earn XYZ over and above my business expenses this month, he's filing divorce papers"! all the MC does is ask me, "is this the first time you've heard this?" and keeps going on with the session.

In hindsight, WTF? Who says an ultimatium like than and a therapist lets it slide w/o comment? I was stunned, and said so!

A few, short weeks later, after a bitter fight, I leave my H and attend our MC session alone for the first time. I'm practically hysterical but she calms me down and says that none of this is my fault at all, my H is just punishing me for the sins of his mother and other bad women in his life, and I'm not to blame at all. We just have had some difficult circumstances and hard economic times and challenges very early on in our new marriage. She tells me to write a very specific love letter, telling him exactly what I plan to do to remedy the sitch, and I do that. I'm relieved that she feels confident about our marriage, and that I'm not screwing up big time. She gives me a hug and I try to not think about my H 24/7 during our 2 week seperation that I started.

We reunite, and all is not normal at all, he's shaking like a leaf and can't even look at me. Long story short, but soon afterwards he says he's "done" with the marriage and files D papers.

So I call the MC to set up a 1:1 appointment with her, because my H refuses to go anymore, and I honestly want her take on the D options because I don't want to spend 12-16 months duking it out in court and $$$$$ of dollars on attornies when he gave up 5 months into our short marriage! I want to know what she suggests to get my man back. Then I find that my H has found page 2 of my submitted request for a court hearing to get maintenance but also to go to MC and a M workshop. He writes on the fax cover sheet that he's met 1:1 with the MC and she sees our marriage as irretrieveably broken. What?? I want to confront MC because I feel lied to by her.

So I again, call the MC to schedule this appt and again leave a msg. After 3 msg she finally calls back and says she has openings 2 days on her msg back to me. I call every day that next week, still no call back. I finally stop in the main office and the receptionist immediately calls the MC and leaves her own msg to call back, but again I don't hear a word. That was 2 weeks ago.

If my court ordered resumed MC is approved by the judge, I Will attend MC but confront MC about the fax as well as call her on the completely unprofessional behavior exhibited by not even returning my phone calls. If not, I'm filing a formal complaint to the state licensing board as well as whatever groups she's a member of.

I feel like there's a conspiricy against me because my H's IC is running the clinic that our MC works in, and that the head counselor is playing me for a fool as well. I don't appreciate being jerked around like this, not only by my husband but by supposed professionals!

It's good I have a great IC of my own and that she is prompt and dilegent to my needs, as well as fantastic family and friends who are very supportive. I can't imagine not having those resources around me and then being screwed by a trusted professional with something so personal and important as my life and marriage! These people are playing with fire and deserve public castigation.


Me: 36
H: 34
M: 1 yr
T: 2 yrs
D: filed by H 5/21/09, served 06/08/09, first court date for "maintenance" as well as a plea to restart Marriage Counseling and attend a Marriage workshop 8/24
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 127
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You guys have been going to MC almost constantly since BEFORE marriage?! I'm shocked...just doesn't seem very healthy for either of you unless there were actual very unusual issues that needed to be worked on. You didn't mention any...you seem to be a pretty normal couple. With the way that counseling office treated you, why would you schedule more MC with them? I can't help but feel you and your marriage are not getting the respect you deserve. Have you thought about calling one of the DB marriage counselors to run this MC practices behavior by them and see what options exist for your future MC? Some fresh insight into your situation by a MC seems to be something you'd want to consider?

It's bad enough being put down and disrespected by a nervous husband...but the MC joining in is beyond the pale!


Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

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