NC with wife for one week

[GoBison]

I will try to do this. I have seen this but the lawyer does not look at this as a very viable option. Of course he is a lawyer and his job is to get it through the courts and paid as soon as possible.

Stronger what are your thoughts on sending that to my W.

Also if I push for the separation until the end of 6 months will this not just piss off my W.

[GoBison]

I emailed L back to see what the chances are again of having this contested and if he has had any luck with it.

[GoBison]

Stronger,

L called and said that with the OR statement in there is nothing that I can do besides taking it to trial which would push it out about 8 months until the next available date. In doing this she would have to disagree with just about everything that I put in my response and would cost a lot more in legal fees. So that is an option if I want to push things on that end of it.

[GoBison]

Well I sent it. God willing she will say yes. It maybe a backslide from giving her time and space but I have done that the last two months with no pressure at all and she has pushed for divorce. So time to change things up a little at least.

[Stronger]

I think you should have sent the email, yes. So good job there. Really what do you have to lose? And fight the divorce. Legal fees may be worth it. It would be for me.

[GoBison]

I am thinking about it. I do think it is the right thing to do.

[GoBison]

So I called W tonight after not hearing from her on the text. Well she is a no go on the retro weekend not a big surprise. She was mad at me though for not calling over the past two months and not trying to contact her and going out and having fun. That is why she filed. We talked for two hours mostly me telling her how things could be and how we could be better than we have been in the past. She is still set on going through with things and doesn't want to date or anything. I am pretty sure that she does not have another guy right now. And just wants to be on her own. I did ask her if it would be alright if I called her and she was fine with that as long as it wasn't 15 times a day. She said some real harsh things about not ever missing me or didn't care about me at all but I pretty sure she was just saying those things otherwise age wouldn't have been on the phone for two hours.

So I think the thing is to slightly apply a little pressure and give her a call every few days. No relationship talk just some bs and see where things go.

Things weren't real promising but they could have been worse.

[Stronger]

GB,
I don't know if you remember this, but I told you a while back...some DBers need to go dark. Some shouldn't. I thought in your case, going dark was a bad idea. I don't know why but I got the impression she left to see if you gave a crap. Going dark was an indication to her that you didn't.

So yes, try to make some relaxing and calm contact and keep it LOW KEY.

Fight the D. That's what I am doing and advise anyone here to do the same.

[GoBison]

Yeah I am going to fight the D as much as I can. She has known that I do care about her but maybe she just wanted to see how much. I let her know last night that I do care and that I always have. I wanted to call her but I was giving her the space she wanted. She was mad because I was going out and not sitting at home pining over her.

She said several times that I could go find someone better than her. I said yeah you are right I could go out and find someone that I could get along with pretty easily and so could she. But I made a vow to her and I intend to keep it no matter how much I have to fight for it.

I told her that between 5-7 years of marriage is really tough and top of the fact that we moved to a new city and had virtually no friends here it made things tough between us. And that I had thought about leaving as well but knew that we could work through it and probably should have gone to talk to someone.

I laid into her a couple of times when she started to come up with BS. Tried to tell me that it was over a year ago when she wanted to have kids and stuff let her know that was completely wrong and it was only 4 months ago. Tried to say that I was controlling because of the city we used to live in was where I wanted to be. Called BS again because be are now in the city she has always wanted to live in. I also told her it was BS that when she gets mad at me she won't say anything and just assumes that I am jealous and then she starts flirting with some guy at work. Tries to say it was nothing.

Says she gave me hints in October that she wasn't happy. I said well maybe you should talk to me on stuff like that. I pointed out to her that she told me only 3 months ago that she was happy all spring but things just changed quickly. She said she doesn't remember saying that. This from the woman how can remember every word that I have ever said to her.

She did not agree to extending the filing date or anything but I did stand up to her and let her know I was not going to just roll over and let her change all are history around.

Maybe it made things better maybe it made things worse I don't know. But she knows where I stand on everything. And that I have changed over the past two months and am no longer just going to take her crap.

[Ready2Change]

Hey GB,



Yes, I know you are hurt. Yes, I know this is not fair. Your personal growth during this difficult time is key to saving the R. Do you want to fight with her, or support her during this difficult time in her life? How compassionate and understanding were you during your conversation? Did you validate her? How was your tone?

No matter how crazy or wrong her statements are, it is KEY to validate her. That does not mean you agree. Listen, then reply in a calm, cool and relaxed tone:


"Yes, I understand"
"MMMM"
"I can see why you think XYZ"
"It must be hard to feel XYZ"

"Yes, I can see why you felt it was over when we could not agree on having a baby"