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Well Im up, woke up with a very sick feeling, I think the thoughts of H having a OW is playing on my mind, spose Im gonna have to face it some time even if he doesnt have one now.

Quite chuffed with myself about the phone, I know its seems a little thing but normally I would have panicked and rang either H/S and asked for help. But no I put it on ITunes yesterday then went to turn it off and on and it had got stuck, could feel the palpitations starting but thought NO first I will go online and see what I can find on the Apple site and if all else fails either someone on my horse forum/divorce forum will know what to do, but surprise surprise I found out what to do and also reset it using ITunes, it appears to up and running now as I have had a couple of set up txts.. Thats the one thing I miss H used to txt me to say he was coming home and some times during the day, S's job doesnt allow him to use his during working time. My phone does seem so quiet these days.

Anyway will get some chores done and go see madam. Nell I wish I could take you for a canter across the park as I know how good it would make you feel, well after you felt sick before doing it lol. Maybe one day eh, it does seem so strange that we were so near to each other for a while and didnt even know we were going to become friends. Well will pop by later!


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Well done iRabbit ... I've temporarily changed your name in honour of you being so clever!

Yes, those little things are the ones that screw us up, aren't they? They always seem bigger than they are but we just need to do exactly as you said - try for ourselves but otherwise shout out to those who can and WILL be here to help us. That's why I thought opening that new thread that you may have seen for URGENT POSTS may be a good thing ... people may get help faster than waiting for the so-called 'lurkers'.

Anyhow, you did good and so you should be feeling proud of yourself.

I too have noticed the phone is much quieter at home, as well as my cellphone. My mail has become almost non-existent, though H swears that he has not had his mail redirected for the very reason that most of our stuff is in joint names. I know that we used to have more than we do now! Weird. I also know that he would never with-hold my mail from me, so that's not a concern.

Now, the thought of ow is never a good one but it's one that most of us have had to face. How we deal with it is the important thing. I think that, before you go making yourself ill, you should find out the facts of whether or not there is an ow. Have you thought about any ways in which you could find out? This is key to how you handle the situation with H in the future, IMHO.

Let's go from there and then hopefully those who are more knowledgable can drop in to assist you in building a strategy from there.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Finally got my bum in gear and did a whole pile of ironing, one of the good things is now its only mine it gets done so quick. Did a whole pile of the smaller tops I had dug out the other day so should a job appear some time at least my first few days of clothes are ready to be used! Although I will have to buy some more as currently only have enough for about three days.

Went and took madam out for a hack, she is such fun bless her, two fantastic blasts one along a little path so she had to chase her best friend the ex-racehorse, its when she keeps up with him and he did win medals I realise how fast my girlie can go! Then a bit of stubble bashing and she was first this time and we hit the excellerator pedal and weeeeee what a blast!

Met my friend down the yard didnt realise she was having a riding lesson today, so arranged for her to meet me back at my house, we were going to have chinese but opted for going out instead, of which we have only just crawled back in, second very late night in a row, but at least I am GAL. Meeting up the yard to do a jumping session tomorrow, madam will love that its her fav treat.

Need to try and eat a bit better this week, not eating much then when I do stomach gets upset about it. Have now lost two and half stone although none of the credit goes to H as I had started before he became a pain! BTW Nell PITA is short for Pain in the Bottom, work the last word out for yourself lol!

Well cat and I are tucked up in bed, in fact cat got here before me bless her. Bless my two girlies as they certain are a treasure both in their unique furry way. Off to catch up quick hope all of you passing by are well and have enjoyed your saturday busy GAL x


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You are off to an amazing start Rabbit ... you certainly HAL, never mind GAL! I am very jealous but so happy for you!

I totally relate on the eating front. I must try better next week too. I am eating rubbish, except that I do try to have a good breakfast, containing cereal and fruits. After that, it's whatever I can dig out of the cupboard, fridge or freezer that takes no thought, preparation or any oven cooking. I find that sitting at the table is a really sad scenario alone, never been much into eating infront of the telly and so most of my meals are here at my ever-constant friend, the computer!

I see that you were on your computer in bed ... the temptation to go out and buy a new laptop with my tax refund is enormous but then, I don't think that I would ever get up, so maybe not the best of ideas for me right at this stage!

Can't wait for today to end ... it's wet and miserable and I am still fighting with my internal thoughts and external actions!

Will drop by later ... oh and thanks for explaining PITA!! Should have been able to work that one out really - ha!


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Here we go again yet another day to fill! I long for the first morning that I wake up and the sick panic'd feeling of missing/losing/mislaying H isnt the first thing I feel.. Wonder how long that one is going take. Am beginning to come to terms with the fact there is highly likely another woman, I have no proof there is but it seems that as 90% of them do and he was talking to someone on msn and would never add me to FB, telling me he was talking to his old secretary who I wouldnt like him talking to (long story will tell it one day) and certainly S wouldnt be so supportive of his dad, well I dont think he would! But I suppose the sooner I face the fear of that sentance "there is someone else" perhaps it will minimise my reaction on the phone! Well thats if he ever phones me as Im not going to pursue him in any way shape or form.. That is what hurts me the most how can I be so instantly forgettable and un-needed.. But I bet Im not he is probably stringing himself some line to persuade himself he is doing the right thing! Quick coffee for me and off to jump madam, will try and catch up at lunchtime!

Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 09/06/09 08:03 AM.

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Yes Rabbit - it's a long day to fill but just imagine if you didn't have madam!!

Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
I wake up and the sick panic'd feeling of missing/losing/mislaying H isnt the first thing I feel


I echo that statement as it's just so succinct sick.

Even though I don't know how to answer your query over ow, I think that it's healthy that you are facing it and trying to form a sentence for if and when the phone call comes. You will be prepared for his comments but he won't be prepared for yours! You are doing so well.

Yes, they do string themselves some lines and yes, they do reiterate stuff, trying to affirm that what they are doing is right. Remember the 'believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do' quotation.

You feeling that you are instantly forgettable is how most WAS's feel, I'm sure. I know that it's what I am struggling with right now. They are off on their elastic band and spending time in their caves, if you know the Mars/Venus theory?? Let him go ... remember that time is on our side - they have to come back to talk to us at some stage, even if it's to discuss the practicalities. Both you and I are there! We have this time as our only advantage, as I see it right now. So, what we do with that is very important ... this is why we need to GAL and detach. This is why we need to show them that we are standing on our own two feet (four in yours and madams case)!! This is why I am really planning this trip to Hong Kong and I am becoming less afeared of H's reaction every second that is left in this day! wink

Don't brood on another thing. Gather up and go get madam and work her hard today ... check in later, if you can! grin


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
Joined: Aug 2009
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Back home again, rather tired it really will have to be an early night for me tonight! I cant burn the candle at both ends so if Im not eating properly at least I need to sleep properly.

Had a fab time with madam, went flying over fences with great gusto bless her. She really has been fantastic this summer and taken her mum to new and higher riding skills, the only down side is getting in the car and realising I cant ring H and say "hey guess what we did" Bit of a joke really as one of his last emails during his trial two weeks separation, he said he would never not want to hear or know what madam and I were up too, funny how he didnt ask after either madam or moggly the last time he called.

Oh well will have a nice shower later and make myself look nice and sit and relax, need to get on re-reading DR again so I can absorb some more useful knowledge and techniques. Its rather amusing really as I quite enjoy getting dressed up and putting perfume on now, and of course behaving slightly flirtish, yesterday I put on my new pretty black underwear and my thoughts as I looked in the mirror was "your loss H" although I couldnt think of anyone else seeing me like that, that is so a long long way off, Im not sure I can even contemplate being with someone else.. There is still too much love in situ for H, although I have come to terms with the fact that what ever happens he will have to love the new me not the old me which might take some getting used to! Oh well of to see how you are all doing! x


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irabbit,
hello!! Your madame sounds fantastic... I read somewhere you lost 2,5 months in the beginning doing things you shouldnt. We all did in the beginning. DBing is going against your natural instict to beg and plead and reason with the person that has been your partner in life for years, hoping she/he will respond. When we finally see we are not geting anywhere that's where we turn to "alternative medicin". To me it seems you are doing great now. I was smiling thinking of you looking at yourself with your nice undies and thinking it's loss... A small thing like that shows how well you are doing.

OW... I was getting upset reading some of the old guys posts here in the beginning immediately concluding there must be another person, almost to all newcomers... Well, not anymore. I knew something was up with my stbxh, chose to ignore "her" and focus on me and our interactions. It did work. It did. After 3-4 months I think I was making so much progress... There were times I was thinking "there cant be another woman!". My gut was telling me something was off. He did a great job gaslighting me (i think that's what you call it). A month ago, I found out the truth about my H's double life.
Why am I saying this? First of all, 99% there is an OP. BUT, DBing can work even then. It did for me to the point he said he wanted back a year later and "tried to reconcil some". To the point that she was pleading and begging. The result is not a happy ending for me. But we never know how things will turn out. If there is an affair,well, then you will need a lot of patience.
In the meantime, live your life the best way you can. And have fun. Somehow, they all notice even in cases when there is little contact.
Time is a relevant thing on these boards. Use it wisely by making yourself happy. (At some point, dating included. Although I am Greek, dont like Penelope-LOL)
K


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Bomb 5/2007-Sep 11/2007
Reconc.November 2009
Kalni #1833219 09/06/09 09:37 PM
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stxH gave me an Ipod touch for my nameday this year, while reconciling, AFTER I told him I didnt want an electronic device...


Me&H:42
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Bomb 5/2007-Sep 11/2007
Reconc.November 2009
Kalni #1833328 09/07/09 02:39 AM
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Hey Rabbit
Appreciated your support on the urgent thread postings but I feel that some people are just not worth the effort! They obviously have their own agendas for being here and, whilst some of what was said was relevant, I consider that it was used as a platform for an ego with nowhere else to go.

Makes you wonder about the rest of their lives ... ! We may have our problems but we are good people who are here to help others, not rail at them for their current insecurities.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
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