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Well calm and serene feeling didnt last long! Feel all bashed up now and worn down now! Managed another hour in the garden before it got dark, and then showered and made myself neat and tidy again ready for bed. Telly is quite depressing really shouldnt have watched it, never mind tomorrow is another day!


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Morning Rabbit
These feelings come and go ... equally as we can feel elated, we can feel in the depths of despair and, in my experience, the lows last much longer than the highs!

The pain of what is happening manifests itself physically as well as emotionally and the whole stress process is exhausting. It's why we must do our best to get the most restorative sleep that we can possibly muster. Good bed time preparation is the key to this. A routine is a must. I have been making myself a milky Horlicks to take to bed and then I watch Corrie and Emmerdale every night!!

I am staying away from TV progs that I know will upset me - stuff H and I always watched together like Married With Children! Funnily enough, I can still watch Doc Martin - we visited that village when we were home last October and yet I get comfort out of 'being there'. It's odd how it works but you know what you are comfortable with and that which you are not. Eastenders would definitely be a no go for me as I hated that after 1986 in any case!!

So, how are you doing today. As I am writing this, it's twenty past two in the morning for you and I hope that you are managing to evade the nightmares that I had last night. They leave you feeling grotty for the day even if you can shake yourself out of it in the first few hours.

What are your plans for today? Gardening helps, I really find that and the bonus comes in seeing your efforts! I have a new sense of pride looking out of my windows these days!

Please try to gather some PMA from somewhere, let yesterday go and start afresh today. I know that feeling in the pit of your stomach is hard to ignore but we must use it to push us forward. OK - I shall check on you later.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

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Morning Nell

I was up bright and early this morning as I had to take S to work as he is picking up his new car today afterwards. Sleep wasnt too bad woke up twice and started to mither about H having someone else, but managed to move my mind away and go back to sleep, dont ask me how though. Thankfully being busy first thing stopped any thoughts of H although I did check my email but then realise on the way to take S to work that H would even be at work yet, and as yet doesnt have any net facilities at his home appart from using his phone which will become very expensive.. But as the banking password is still changed I expect I will hear from him soon. Although Im seriously thinking of changing it back now, just dont know what to do on that one.

I have a docs appointment this morning have to go every month whilst on these tablets it seems, although at least its the doc I first saw as second visit was with another and she wasnt really interested or helpful.

Weather here was rubbish to start with but looks like its clearing now so will probably go and ride madam at lunch time. If it doesnt I might pop out shopping and look for a top for the party/bbq Im going to on saturday.

Pit of the stomach sick feeling is still there on and off, I try and stamp it back down again when it rises up, radio on in the car is good stops me from thinking whilst Im listening and hopefully laughing. Im just really feeling the loss of H wanted to make contact/see with me today, we were so close and now nothing for a whole week, but then if my OW theory is correct he is busy with her now, so has no need for me!


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I feel for you Rabbit ... as we all do because the majority of us are going through this.

Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
Pit of the stomach sick feeling is still there on and off, I try and stamp it back down again when it rises up


I'm tempted to say here that we should not be opressing these feelings but let them rise to the surface and deal with them. If we don't, they will keep coming back as bigger and bigger monsters. It's HOW we deal with them is the difficulty. I just wish I knew and then I can guarantee, we would all feel better wink

So, you have some plans for the day and even a BBQ on Saturday! Marvellous. I hope that the docs appointment goes OK. Yes, you should stick with the doc that's helping most and bin the other moose!

It's hard to think what our H's are up to for every moment of the day but that only hurts us because we allow it to. We should be working on detachment and if we are good students, we will get to a point where we think "H - H who?" - then we can graduate!! Come on class mate .. work with me. I'm at the bottom of the class right now and I could use some help to get toward the top - as by the sounds of it, could you!


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
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Back again, docs visit was good think he was impressed with my "stiff upper lip" and "boot applied to bottom" technique lol.. He was nice and made sure I had support and that I was to come see him at any time I needed too, bless him.

Unfortunately came out to a phone call from parents, a dear old friend whose lovely husband passed away last year is now in hospital and appears she will be joining her beloved soon.. These two really were in love all of their lives and she was devasted to be parted from him. Now I know the old H would want to know, and would probably have gone to the funeral with me, but not only do I not want to tell/talk to him, the last thing I want is him turning up at the funeral as all our elderly friends will be there and its not the place to announce your separation, although for me my parents and probably my sister will be there. I know S would want to go but he is unlikely to be able to get time off work. Pit of the stomach feeling just doesnt want to let me be this week.

Nell I totally agree on detaching, I can cope without knowing what he is doing as long as I know what is/is not affecting me. Like him not paying the mortgage, I need to know but dont want to contact him he has to come to me, or should I contact him I just dont know!

No one other than you Nell (which I am extremely grateful for) seems to pop by with ideas on ways to handle things, I reread a large chunk of DR last night but unless you are living/communicating with them on some level its quite hard to apply anything.. NC just seems to be letting him off the hook of his responsibilites!


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Glad that the docs went OK for you. What you have to remember is that they are generalists though and have nothing to offer than empty words and lots of medicines! We can help you more here.

Sorry Rabbit but you have made me laugh about this poor old dear being in hospital. You have so fast forwarded to the funeral and are sorting that out in your mind that you haven't even given the poor lady time for her demise yet! It's very sad though and makes you wonder about love and life, doesn't it? I would say put that one on the back burner and just wait.

I think that some of the experts get a bit fed up with our struggles. They tell us what they believe that we should be doing and, although we try, we still pour our our negative feelings and continue our pity party for one. To me, that is all part of the process and what is not being seen is the evidence of how hard we are trying to do what they have advised us. I know that, personally speaking, my negativity this week has been caused by the amount of effort that I have put in to nc with H and for all that effort, someone (as you know) ranted at my me, me, me attitude!! Unbelievable - and hurtful when people are going through enough without being attacked on a board which is supposed to be supportive. Ah well, I see why that W left that H if that's what he is to live with!

We are still learning and this is going to take time. We can't help our panics in between times. I think that to read and re-read is good, although I have also had times where I feel that being here is negative - you become entrenched in nothing other than DB'ing and sadness. That pulls us down. I even found myself thinking on the way home today, "good, I can go see how the DB family are doing now" ... that's so wrong on so many levels.

Gucci said that it's OK to contact about financials, providing that you really have to and that it's not an excuse for caving in and pursuing. If we make this contact, I feel that it has to be the short, blunt and mysterious as well as the question which we want to ask - does that make sense? Then we must back off again ... that's how I see it anyhow.

I perfectly understand how you feel that nc is allowing H to jump off the responsibilty hook but isn't that what part of being an alien is all about? They are not coping with real life and they are running away ... we just have to step up to the plate and show them that we are capable - that we are coping - that they are missing out on their wonderful LBW's. Then, when they finally open their eyes, we can pounce and hit them with our new found knowledge and DB techniques!!

What most agree on is that DB'ing is much more difficult to do when you have a WAS. I hear that one.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
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lol@Nell

Your right I am steaming ahead a bit too much there, although bless her dear soul, she really is giving up and wants to be with her beloved F.

As for financial matters, I think I will give him till tomorrow to talk to me in person/email, that will be a full week since I spoke with him, then compose something to email Friday, Im out all day Friday so can send it and leave it be.

I understand what you say about the experts I suppose we arnt really in a position yet to use their advice, that only comes into play when the H's start to show some interest. Reading Ozgirls thread about not giving them too much and making it too easy for them to cake eat is extremely interesting!

Anyway I expect you are getting excited/nervous about work tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and sending lots of goodvibes in your direction for a good first day, very handy only having to work a couple of days before a weekend as that will break you in gently..

Chat soon

Rabbit x


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Rabbit - go now and see what Gucci has just posted on my thread ... don't do anything before you have read that!!

Not too bothered about tomorrow, funnily enough. I think that the first challenge for me is always going to the place for the first time and I have done that! I gues it will be strange sitting at a new desk but after the five weeks agency that I did of 'hands on' 90% boredom 10% terror scenario, an office job is a comfortable alternative!! Thanks for good wishes though ...your turn soon for me to repay the compliment.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
Joined: Aug 2009
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Just read it, its brilliant hes a clever wise one isnt he! Nope Im not sending anything in a hurry right now, and it will be posted for checking as well before I hit the button.. Ok I know he has the S probably telling him Im ok, but at some point he is gonna worry enough to find out for himself! Maybe/Maybe not we will see lol.

Yes I actually long for a job now, wouldnt have said that three months ago, just want a bit of money to have my own security when H decides to mess around, another thing to say "hey I dont need you" Anyway need to get on now will pop back later x


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I know where you are at Rabbit - that's why we found each other as our sitches are so close. It's a pity that S does report back on your well being ... I wonder if that will slow up as things get less 'new'.

I am treating the new job with caution - as it is only temporary, H needs to know that it doesn't alter anything other than it takes the pressure off him for a while. Really, I still have no more security than I do at this time and he has to understand where I am at. I don't know if there is any such thing as spousal support here in Oz. Must ask Oz!

Yes, starting work on Thursday was a good ploy. I was ready on Tuesday but they dragged their heels on Monday so I considered that tomorrow was enough to give me a good two days headstart and then in to the breach on Monday after a rest at the weekend!

I will be praying that something comes by for the both of us soon - permanent jobs, that is.


WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09
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