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#1827833 08/28/09 02:54 PM
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Thought I'd introduce myself, up until May 09 I had been married for 23 years and been with OH for nearly 30 years, after mentioning that we ought to be putting more effort into our relationship as we had got a bit lazy he announced he didnt love me anymore and he needed to think about things.. I spent two and half months in utter misery waiting for his answer but he decided he wanted out, I begged and begged and we went to counselling, at this point I hadnt found this book or the couple others I have since read on the subject and I so wish I had.. So now on antidepressants as I knew me losing it would make things worse we went to see the councellor, worst mistake of my life, in her wisdom she tried to persuade him that working at it would be better and how about a trial seperation, OH grabbed it with both hands and we agreed for a two week one which he went to stay with his brother.. he returned and said he didnt want to come back so went for another week by now I had the book and was working my socks of to read it and follow through although now with several hundereds of miles between not an easy task.. last night I got a bit excited about a phone message, but today I caught up with him and he said he had rented a flat down there.. Im not seeing him this weekend although he is meeting up with our grown up son.. When I said I didnt think he would ever come back he said he couldnt see that happening so in parting I said I expect we will be in divorce proceedings by xmas, his reply was xmas is a long way away! I cant cope with all the mixed messages, I still love this man so much and just dont know what to do? Any advice would be most welcome!


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LR...take a breath. There are a lot of wise people on this board that can help you. You will probably have to provide a little more background on your sitch and yourself. Also are you reading the DR or DB book?

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Yes just finished reading it and going to start reading it again! I had been doing so well till this afternoon then let hope get carried away a little too much! Thanks for reply MIB x


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T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 80
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No problem. I found posting here helps a great deal. Even if no one posts back...consider it a blog or journal. Are you still going to the counselor for yourself? I have kept going to try and improve myself. It actually is quite helpful. I never thought it would be helpful after my W decided to stop going and the M wasn’t worth saving.

Keep your spirits up. Rent a funny movie you like and watch it. Make some popcorn and enjoy the 2 hours. Or take a hot bath and read a book not about marriage fixing. I am trying to do one thing each day to forget about my sitch and just enjoy something for myself no matter how simple. For me it has to happen after the little ones are in bed. Tonight is planes trains and automobiles while eating apples dipped in and cinnamon...in bed.

Do something nice for yourself tonight if only for just for 30 minutes.

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Quote:
planes trains and automobiles


One of my all time favorite movies...


Me:40
W: 39
T: 17 years
M: 15 years
S-9
D-6
D final 11/10/2009

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."



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Im very lucky I have a beautiful horse which I get to spend time with and that makes each day better, Im looking to go back to work which will be hard after several years off, I have no littluns just one bigun and is a great support but as only bigun I dont want to make him feel to much between me and OH although OH doesnt seem to mind!


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W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,317
L
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OP Offline
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L
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,317
Really struggled today! I was out all day but H arranged to meet my son for lunch, I had left him a note about certain bills but it did not ask him to pay them! It really spoilt my whole day as I was worried sick about what I was gonna find when I got home, but when I got home he had paid the bills, which ok is nice but we had agreed to discuss any large bills to be paid as we are still using a joint account.. Have sent an email asking him not to do that again without discussing my needs with me, not sure I should have contacted him at all, but didnt want him to think he could just ignore my requests to be civil! This is just such a mess how can he just leave and not seem to give a hoot about me any more after all this time! Im really really struggling so some advice would be nice!


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W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 118
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How old is your H?


Me: 50; Wife: 48
Gay; civil union in NJ
no kids
M: 15 years, together 17
Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY
W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
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He is forty six Arwen, he had a heart attack at forty two and I was expecting a big midlife crisis then but I think he got a delayed reaction.. He is just not acting at all like the man I married twenty three years ago more like a teenage boy! I just cant seem to get through to him at all he has shut down and shut me out!


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W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 102
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Posts: 102
LR Welcome, sorry you are here but it is a good place to be.

I know it's tough after being with someone for so long,thinking you know them and then...you don't.for now focus on you keep busy.don't try to figure him out it will just eat you alive and that is not healthy.come here when you need to vent it absolutely helps.and most of all Patience.

Good Luck
God Bless


H 49
W 42
S 19
S 14
S 12
S 8
D 6
M 19
Bomb dropped 2/09
Separated 5/09
still hopeful, praying
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