Ok so, back to the msg he sent...any thoughts on how I should handle this?
Tell him the results like you would a acquaintance or co-worker. "I didn't get the news I was hoping for but I can handle it. Thanks for asking." No need for details, if he really wants to know let him work for it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks so much coach. Keep it simple. Ok. Maybe thats where I keep going wrong. I tend to write a book. That is a good 180 for me to work on. I sent him a simple msg, paraphrased it a bit, but basically the same thing you wrote. Hope thats ok.
And...he answered. Also a surprise....Said he hopes I get better soon and he is heading out for the weekend and will send me a msg Sunday when he gets back to see how things are going for me.
No i wont hold my breath, he has said something like that before. Im not going to bother responding to his answer. Im going to make an effort to remain distant and detached. And if I have any trouble I will have my little moments of crisis here and not do anything. Right now Im not tho. Was nice that he responded, I really didnt think he would.
baby steps baby steps baby steps
Dusk
.....god i hope i dont trip and fall on my face again
Dusk, Good job. Glad you got input. My H texted me yesterday, that he paid $1000 on our credit card. So the first contact in over a mo., but totally impersonal, no hi, etc. Well it helps not to have any expectations but I admit when I saw his name on the text my heart skipped a beat. So I haven't replied, but will send a similar business like msg.
I am glad you got a positive msg. from H but think you're right to stay cautious. Protect yourself! Hope you're having a good weekend! And feeling better too. LFA
Yep yep. I AM feeling much better today. A little tired but nothing like i was. I had a great weekend. SOme friends came by and picked me up and took me to a low-key gathering for halloween. When I needed to rest they had a quiet place already set up for me. I have good friends around me that care. Was a lot of fun tho. Between my short naps I goofed off with everyone. I even got hit on. ROFL. I thought one of my friends was gonna kill him. Was cute tho. Made me feel good anyway, nice to know Im still interesting enough. Esp with all thats going on.
Update on H...no update, he of course didnt send me a msg. I kinda got a little twinge but not too bad, i really didnt think he would so I wasnt too disappointed. He doesnt have my new cell number either. SO FB email etc is the only way he can reach me. Like my friend said, his loss. \
Dusk, glad to hear you had a good weekend! Sounds fun, and it's great you have wonderful friends around you, you can lean on. That's the best thing for anyone in our sitch.
Well, I texted him back on Saturday that I pd. on my student loan & replied, OK, we need to get together & talk. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?" Well, I wasn't - had plans to look at houses w my sister (she's looking for one). So I texted back, Sorry I'm not. What's up?" He replied, We need to discuss how to get the process moving". So of course my old fears came right back, I knew then I am not really detached, or detached enough by now. So I texted him that I couldn't really talk then & would email him.
I felt I needed to set a boundary as I felt so stressed last Aug. when he was really pressuring me, so I emailed him that when he texts me to meet the next day, after no contact for a mo., I feel disrespected. And could he please give more alternatives? And I asked if he had his own health ins. (he's been on mine for a long time, but got a new job in Aug.
(BTW Coach has a great thread called Boundaries - good reading. I used his examples as model).
Today he emailed back this: "I didn't intend to disrespect you. I hadn't contacted you in a month because you last said that you were still interviewing lawyers and I wanted to give you time to find one you were comfortable with.
My wanting to talk to you wasn't a demand, just a suggested time. I understand it was short notice and I understand if you're busy. That being said, I think it's time that we sit down and talk this through. Maybe we can get together next Sunday if that works for you." And asked if he can stay on my ins. through Nov. I was prepared for an ugly response, so I am getting a reply ready now. I am not sure about meeting w him, but I really do feel like let's get this over with. I don't want to stay in the house, it's too big, has problems, & way too many memories of our M. One of the houses I looked at could be a potential rental. Just trying to figure out my next steps. Sorry for writing a book!!!
Hope you keep feeling better - PMA! I'm trying to get it/keep it. And find more ways to fill my weekend! Have a great week (((Dusk))))
Just journaling. Im irritable again today and disgusted with my H. Obviously some part of me had an expectation that he would send a msg. Bah. Its not too bad, just ...grrr. I am such a big baby sometimes I know. You would think I would learn.
That guy that flirted with me at the party sent me flowers..... I sent him a txt saying ty and let him down easy. Altho honestly , he knows Im married. What are ppl thinking sometimes?!
Healthwise I feel pretty good today. Even managed to walk down and get my own mail =)
No plans today. Just going to listen to music and read or something.
ok....deep breath.....I had a (pause for effect) conversation with my H today. (gasp)
Went well, he said hi, asked how i was, i said hi back said I was doing ok. he told me he hoped i had a good weekend last and that he did. I told him yes, but didnt go into any detail. He actually did let me know what he did without mentioning OW. (gasp again)
anyway, we exchanged a couple of msgs on fb along those lines and then i logged out b4 he could respond again.
update...logged into fb...another msg from him. said he just wants to make sure im getting the rest i need and to be careful because its flu season and he heard a friend of mine tested positive for swine flu. He didnt want me getting any of that and that by him checking on me it shows he still cares.
I read it a few times, didnt respond. I considered saying thank you again, but i already had so...seemed repetitive. I have to help slay the almighty dragon =) but wanted to give an update.
Ok, yea I smiled when i read it. Couldnt help it.
now, do I keep things as is? My gut tells me i should, but Ive been wrong and Im a tiny bit fluttery atm. It WAS a sweet msg. :P MY thoughts are to let him keep making first contact, but then I think, well, wont he give up since he made an effort? I dunno. Anyones thoughts on this would be very helpful.
Dusk oh yea, one more thing..he changed his pic. no OW in it. I know he's still seeing her, but was a bit relieved its not in my face anymore.
Feast or famine? Another msg waiting for me this morning from H. Asking me to please not be stubborn and take care of myself and get plenty of rest. His msgs have been getting more upbeat and friendly. I have been upbeat so Im sure my DBing efforts helped. Im going to continue to take it sloooooooooooooow and if I answer him, tonight or tomorrow. He didnt really ask a question, but seems to want conversation?
If I need to have my hand slapped, feel free to slap it. Im trying not to get overly excited but,.... I have to say I was surprised and nervous to see a msg from him, then happy, esp since it was friendly.
