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#1843066 - 09/23/09 08:03 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
After agonizing over how to respond to my h. I finally just replied. "Im fine, ty for asking". then i logged back out.

SO I guess now I continue on. He's been logging into old accounts and forums we had the past day or so. I didn't get in game last night I was busy and then had a headache.

Something knocked over one of my new flowerpots on my balcony so im about to clean that up. Im hurting too much to walk today so I will take it easy. Maybe something ill come up. smile

Dusk

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#1843432 - 09/23/09 01:47 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Ongoing.....I got my plants situated, and went to pick up some groceries. Went by the dr office because im really fatigued , my iron is low so they are worried about that. otherwise im doing ok i guess.

Saw a new msg from h, he sent it within an hour of me responding this morning...his msg was

"Thats good to hear. No more problems right?"

Now Im not sure what he is referrring to, my medical condition or the harassment i have been getting. He doesnt really specify. According to a mutual friend he and his first gf are also getting some weird emails and stuff. I have blocked everything i can , once in a while i get something but have been ignoring it. I dont need the added stress.

I havent responded because im not really sure what he is asking about. Suggestions are WELCOME on this one. I dont think giving him too much info is a good idea, but...im not going to lie to him either.

If he;s asking about the harassing msgs, how much do i tell him? Some of them ....are pretty bad..and upset me a lot. Others just seemed petty. If he's asking about my health, I dont mind telling him, but how much? My condition has improved slightly but, Im still in pretty bad shape tbh. the added stress from all this hasn;t helped,. altho i have been doing a lot better with it. I got weighed today. I managed to gain 1 lb 7 oz laugh. yes , this is a good thing .lol

DO i continue the 24 hour response times? Longer? shorter? I dont feel any immediate urgency in responding, but i have to admit, him opening up even a limited communication has given me a bit of hope. Regardless of his motivations. Its a step in the right direction. I know I have to be very careful. Thanks in advance for any help or comments. I am going to take a nap right now. Getting out kinda made me tired. Some days are better than others physically.

Dusk

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#1843702 - 09/23/09 08:18 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
i give up. I responded , he was online i guess, and he didnt say what he wanted to know so i told him about both. My health and the harassment. must have come across wrong because he blocked me again. said all he cared about was my health and he was sorry he asked and would leave me alone. I GIVE UP> I cant do this, i cant i cant i cant. It doesnt matter what the hell i do, its wrong. I cant take anymore and wish it was just over so i could not worry about it anymore. i cant do anything right. now once again i pushed him away because i dont [censored] understanmd wth im supposed to be doing. Obviously im getting a divorce at some point because im too dam stupid to keep my own husband talking to me muych less married to me.

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#1843736 - 09/23/09 09:30 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
.....rollercoaster ride. What is he DOING??? He unblocked me, sent a very calm message stating he was sorry about the harassment and knows who it is and they will pay for causing me so much stress. Said if he asks about me then it shows he does still care and he didnt want to hear that I had passed away and the last thing between us be a hateful mesg. Then he goes on to say he would like to remain friends but we will take our time with that , then tells me to say hi anytime.......

I need some time to sort this out.

Is he trying to make me crazy? Because its kinda working. My head hurts from all this. my heart aches because i feel so helpless. I didnt respond back , im not going to. I dont think what he said needs any answer from me. I need to just ...not talk to him a little longer i guess. Im trying to find the positive side of all this and coming up empty.

Im not having a good night

Dusk



Edited by PainfulDusk (09/23/09 09:31 PM)

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#1843753 - 09/23/09 10:02 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
JonF Offline
Member

Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 896
You just discovered part of the point of no contact. Yes, it's tough at first, but do you really want to live in a rollercoaster? Head hurting? Heart aching? Trying to glean any nugget of positiveness from every statement?
_________________________
Me-35 W-32 M-4yrs
A - 6/26/2013
D filed 8/19/2013, dismissed 12/13/2013
D refiled 2/24/2014, dismissed
Second A 5/2014, I filed, finally done

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#1844203 - 09/24/09 01:14 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: JonF]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
thx for the answer jon, and no i dont. im better today. He sent me another msg which i didnt answer. Just telling me he was worried and to take care of myself. Also let me know he was leaving for the weekend and hoped I had a good weekend. SO weird. I am feeling better today. My response to him was very neutral, so im not sure why he blocked then unblocked me. then changed his tune.

I went out this morning with a friend. I was going to go to lunch but was pretty tired from last night. Letting go is so hard, I thought i was doing pretty well, but I can see that im not near as detached as I need to be to get thru all this. I have to admit i felt better after reading his msg this morning. Whether or not he really cares...i dunno. he has NOT mentioned divorce again. SO, of course Im not about to.

Cheaters lie. I keep seeing this repeated on so many threads. DO they lie to the OWs too? Or are they honest with them and just lie to us? Im trying not to blame myself for all this.

One thing i DID imply in my response yesterday to him was that I dont need him and was doing fine without him. Ok, so maybe i did lie a little. Im NOT fine some days without him. But i wasnt needy or pursuing, my friend thinks it was the mention of the emails i had gotten that made him react the way he did. his response that he knew who it was and promised me it would be taken care of relieves a little of my stress. Im a bit tired of her. He didnt say he and his first OW were still getting emails from her but mutual friends say he has been complaining about it a lot.

He also mentioned the conv i had with his mom. He said he wasnt happy about it but understood and wasnt mad at either of us. I guess for now I will let things lie and see what he does. My gut tells me he is in his mind anyway, done with me and happy with the girl he is with. I really need to work on not pushing him away now.

Dusk


Edited by PainfulDusk (09/24/09 01:14 PM)

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#1845002 - 09/25/09 04:54 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
had a much better day today so far. Left early this morning and stayed busy all day until i got home this afternoon. Several msgs from friends wanting to get out, so im going to see whats going on and spend the weekend with friends. Try to anyway, Im still getting tired quickly. Today has pretty much wiped me out.

Had a long talk with a friend of mine about my h today. She is a therapist , not mine, but a good friend. She told me to let him go and he's just a memory. She told me he doesnt have the maturity to get past and/or work anything out and that with the distance and time we've been apart by that, there isnt much hope. I argued a bit, then she told me I was still very young and had time to find someone that will treat me better that I can be happy with. I know she cares about me and hates to see me get torn up over him. The conversation left me unhappy tho.

Dusk

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#1845142 - 09/25/09 09:03 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Faith2010 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/09
Posts: 384
(((Dusk)))

I just got caught up on your thread...I've been gone for a while. It sounds like your health has improved, even if only a little bit, which is good news.

Your H is acting like an immature SOB. It's so hard to know what he is really thinking. They live in their own little fantasy world which consists of denial and rationalization. We can't make sense of it because it doesn't make sense...it's not REAL!

IMO you've been handling things quite well. You may want to be a little more distant, more detached. It sounds to me like he still wants some kind of connection to you but I think it may only be to make himself feel better. You are in no way obligated to make him feel better about anything. I'm not saying you are but by responding to him and saying things like "I'm fine, ty" relieves him of some guilt (at least I think it does). Next time take longer to respond, if at all. Let him sweat or at the very least, wonder a little.

Continue to take care of yourself and keep busy. Although it may not seem like it, you've come a long way.
_________________________
Me: 39 H: 39
S: 15
M: 18 years
Bomb: 6/3/09
H moved out: 10/15/09
H moved back:5/30/10


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#1845302 - 09/26/09 09:39 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: Faith2010]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
hey ashlee

You're right, i think it does relieve him of some guilt. I woke up this morning VERY angry and resentful of everything he has put me thru., Thankfully he is out of town with his OW ( did i really say that?) So I cant really call him out on anything. Yes I am PISSED this morning. I feel used, betrayed, disrespected and abused. He "just wanted to make sure my health wasn't any worse" thats it? He doesnt care about what he is doing to me or how I feel? Who IS this man? yea ok, i should be thankful he cares about anything.....so why arent I? He wants to remain friends if I want to, and knows how hard it is to get close to me, esp with everything thats happened? Umm You think? He keeps putting it back on me, if I dont want to be friends he is relieved of guilt? Is that it? bastard. Yea im trashing him. I DONT CARE. He tried to fake his death, didnt contact me for weeks as I got sicker and relapsed from worrying about him, then acted like an ass. CHEATED on me, not with just one but 2 confirmed PA's and who knows how many EA's ( yea i finally read thru the abbreviations) now wants to be friends....why? so if I dont make it he can feel he did everything he could? what an ass. Im trying so hard not to hate him right now and I think Im losing that battle. I want to slap him. and yell and scream and tell him EXACTLY what I think of him. which atm isnt much >< My cat wont come out from under the bed Im so angry. \

Im just........Mad as hell today

Dusk

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#1845354 - 09/26/09 12:04 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
brownidmom Offline
Member

Registered: 08/23/09
Posts: 189
(((((Dusk)))))

It is perfectly fine to be mad. I don't believe we have to repress our feelings, just deal with them in a mature way. It is good to let yourself feel what you feel and be honest with yourself about it.

My only advice is not to take any actions when you are feeling like this. I think most of us regret things we have said and done when we are angry. I know I have anyway.

Let yourself get through these emotions. You have nobody to answer to but yourself. I am finally figuring this out.

Just take care of yourself and don't let yourself stay in this place for too long.

BIM
_________________________
BIM
M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11

my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127





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