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#1837258 - 09/14/09 10:54 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Had a nice uneventful evening last night. Made some stir fry and laid on the couch and watched a couple of movies. A friend called to make sure I will be making it for lunch and shopping today, which of course i will. smile Didn't go for a walk last night, but I did this morning. Was very relaxing and took my time, actually looked at stuff instead of just focusing on my own thoughts. Found a little garden at a house that was soooo cute, had little fairies stuck under some rose bushes and in lavender. Smelled so good. I wanted to go in, but I walked on. Saw 2 squirrels fighting over...something lol. Bunch of kids walking to school, a few runners and ppl on bikes. I think paying attention to my surroundings helped a lot. So now I'm off to shower and get ready for lunch and shopping spree. Have a great day guys.

Dusk

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#1837353 - 09/14/09 12:43 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Hope you had a fun day PD, I have been reading through your sitch, such a lot to deal with (hugs) Glad to see you are starting to put one foot in front of the other slowly but surely. Your in the best place here now, you will make freinds and get good sound advice.. I love to watch the squirrels antics they are so funny, yet so cute at the same time!
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1837882 - 09/15/09 07:53 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: Lost Rabbit]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Thx Lost! I DID have a great day yesterday! We went to lunch and then SHOPPING! YAY! I got the CUTEST little dress and took my time finding shoes and accessories. After a few hours playing dress up in the mall we decided we would all go out for drinks and dancing. So we went for pedi and mani, got my hair done and went home to get ready. We met up and went out. I had such a good time. Wore myself out but it was worth it. I of course didnt drink, would mmess with my meds, but I did dance a little. Not so much I am in pain today, but it felt so good to just get out and be the center of attn. :P I still wear my wedding ring so That kept most of the would be "lemme take you home" types at bay. The ones that were persistnt , my friends helped me keep their distance. Still, have to admit it helped my ego a bit. When I got home I took a nice long bubble bath and went to bed. Actually SLEPT for almost 5 hours. (yes, thats good for me lately) So today I have a therapy session and a dr's appt, then Im not sure. Probably clean my apt and take my little brat dog to get groomed. Everyone have a great day smile

Dusk

Oh, I also found out that this new gf is the second one. There was another that he was seeing since may. He met his new gf thru the old one. That caused a fight and neither my H nor his new gf now talk to the old one. I feel like Im back in high school some days. frown I'm doing ok, one of you mentioned it had probably been going on a bit longer I think. Again, nothing I can do and I'm going to talk to my therapist about it today. I cried, but not for very loong. Mostly , Im just disgusted. I wasnt about to let him ruin my day yesterday. Oh, and my source was his mom. She sent me an email telling me how sorry she was. I didnt respond yet, I will later after I have gotten thru my appts today.

Hugs to all the other DBers out there. Do the lies just continue to unravel like this? Im staying detached. As best i can anyway.

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#1838723 - 09/16/09 12:10 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Hey, Had a decent day yesterday and a great session. Dr appt went well as well. No drama in 24 hours yay!

My afternoon was spent cleaning. Everything that I could clean and/or sanitize I did so. Reorganized my closet, that will last all of a week Im sure. Listened to some music and made a couple of videos for youtube. Then took a short nap.

Got up and had another quiet evening. Took a long walk again last night, with my dog. Talked to a friend of mine out of state. Made myself some pasta and worked on a song that has been in my head. Slept very well last night.

Woke up this morning and realized I have no plans. Not sure what I will do after lunch. Not too worried about it though. I may go to the bookstore and browse. Always quiet and relaxing there.

Dusk

I decided not to respond to my MIL. I really didn't know what to say. I mean, "thank you"? SO i left it alone.

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#1840333 - 09/18/09 05:38 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Mostly just living, cried a bit earlier, not much. Went out and got a new headlight for my car. A friend of mine is coming over later to change it out, then Im going out to the movies with some friends. Today was a pretty good day. I stayed busy anyway.

Yesterday was.... long. I made it thru without too many moments of sadness , had a few of anger, but I didnt let it get to me.

Tomorrow I'm taking my dog to get groomed...again..she found some mud by the sprinklers. I have decided to get some flower pots and Im going to put some color on my balcony. My mom would have suggested it weeks ago, but I just thought of it.

Have a great weekend

Dusk

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#1840983 - 09/20/09 01:39 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
hey everyone. Had a good couple of days. Nothing new really EXCEPT my H unblocked me on profile. Nothing yet from him. I was surprised to see that tho. I still have nothing to say to him. I guess if he DOES contact me, I will post here before i act on it.

There has been a LOT of harassing drama about us tho. Some girl keeps contacting me telling me all kinds of stuff that just DOESNT help. I have blocked them at everyturn. Been quiet last couple of days tho. Not sure who it is nor do i really care. She hasnt told me anything I dont already know. I just dont think this kind of thing is going to help.

My health has been improving teeny bit by teeny bit. I have been taking walks and that helps. not just mentally but physically too. I feel a little stronger everyday.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Dusk

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#1842005 - 09/22/09 07:19 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
I wake up this morning to do my morning routine, make tea, check email etc. Log into my profile and see a couple of messages. ONE of them is from my H!!!!!!

ok here's what he said; "Hey just wanted to see how everything is going with you. Hope everything is doing ok and your recovering."

I know he's aware that I have been under stress and trying to get well. Ok so, let me tell you what I felt when i saw this , then you guy give me your opinion on how i SHOULD handle this. At first I was in disbelief that he contacted me. Then i was worried about reading it, then i read it. then i thought, my tea will get cold if i answer you right now and i hate cold tea. (i know i was being petulant) now, im not so sure. I VERY happy he asked about me. SO come on guys i need some feedback on this one. BADLY , do i respond? how do i resoend? do i wait? I was thinkiing ..wait. but then i wondered why.

I was thinking that I should keep it as short as he did. And just respond, Im fine Thank you for asking. then i thought, well, maybe thats too short :P last thing i want is for him to think im jumping up and down like a puppy. well o k, i WAS excited to see a msg form him. But i dont want HIM to know that!!!!!


Edited by PainfulDusk (09/22/09 07:26 AM)

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#1842150 - 09/22/09 10:41 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Another thing, do I tell him about the harassing msgs ive been getting? Or should I just leave that alone? And he asked about my health....I dont want to lie to him, I am improving little by little, but I still have a long way to go. Im so afraid to say the wrong thing, or give too much or too little. I dont want to push him back because him contacting me is a pretty big step.

I have been playing my online game a little. Not like I used to , i am staying busy, but I removed him from all my characters a few days ago so I cant see when he is playing and he cant see me. I also took him off my msn, its connected to my gaming and can be seen when i log into game. Hard for him to know what Im doing right now I guess. Everything else I left as is. I have plans for lunch today and will be back this afternoon.

Oh another thing, I checked the timezones , he sent that msg at around 3:30 am his time. Cant help but be curious as to why he was up and sent a msg at that time of the night. Yea, im sure i should just leave that alone too.

thank guys,
Dusk

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#1842189 - 09/22/09 11:20 AM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
JonF Offline
Member

Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 896
The general rule that I see tossed around is 24 hours.
I think you're response is perfect: "I'm fine, thanks for asking." If that's dishonest, then say, "I'm improving daily, thanks for asking."

Say nothing else. I'm a 3-year veteran of WAW, affair, the whole 9 yards. When someone is in the 'fog', there is very little you can say or do - it is agony to release, but you have to put your focus on things you can control.

I think it's awesome that you got out and did something fun - keep this up! I know that if you feel like I did, you feel like you "failed" somehow, but the truth will eventually come out.

I'm all for establishing boundaries, but my suggestion is to only take actions that you won't look back and regret - i.e., the screaming phone calls, nasty texts. They may get something off your chest in the moment, but they rarely solve or fix anything.
_________________________
Me-35 W-32 M-4yrs
A - 6/26/2013
D filed 8/19/2013, dismissed 12/13/2013
D refiled 2/24/2014, dismissed
Second A 5/2014, I filed, finally done

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#1842503 - 09/22/09 03:12 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: JonF]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Thx jon, yea sometimes I do feel like i failed him somehow. Sometimes, i dont.
I had a great lunch . I didnt eat much, my appetite isnt what it should be, but I did eat and bought myself some flowers. They are sitting on the table and really cheered me up.

24 hours sounds good, but my 24 hours not his, I didnt get it as soon as he sent it after all. I'll wait and respond until morning or whenever i log in. Part of me wants to respond right away....part of me isnt sure I should at all. He has me pretty confused i guess.

I have to be careful how i answer the health issue. If i lie to him, he can throw that in my face later. He hasnt dropped me off ins and I dont want him to think he can. I am getting a little stronger...but some of my test results arent back yet so, I really dont know yet. I "FEEL" better some days. So I'll answer as generically as possible on that one. Im not dead. Can i just say that? lol

Im glad i posted here b4 doing anything, i did mention to my friend at lunch i had heard from him. her advice was to write him a book and tell him off. I WON'T be taking THAT advice!

I tried to read up on as many sitchs as i could, i'll post later when everyone here leaves. Im enjoying my company.

Thx again guys,
Dusk

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