Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 78 of 79 1 2 76 77 78 79
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
Thanks GIMA As always, you are such a support!


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
I blew it today - in the holiday mode and too excited over his recent steps toward me - a mutual friend apparently invited H to a xmas party and like a non-DBer said, "Can I come?"

Ugh.

In some ways, it was an understandable question considering this is the first xmas we are separated and this mutual friend would normally invite us as a couple. Heck, this is the guy who married us!

So H was defensive and basically said I put him in an uncomfortable situation asking that question. I told him he should just be honest and we can figure out what's most comfortable for everyone. H is not great at talking.

And very conscious of my DB mistake, I am now kicking myself.

I guess since my H asked to come along to our "ski vacation" I figured maybe we were at the point of negotiating what we do alone or together.

Guess I'm supposed to wait for him to invite me or not?


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,844
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,844
Just act like it didn't happen.

And yes, if he wants to invite you he will.

It's hard, but you have to view yourself as not M'd right now.


Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 780
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 780
Merry Christmas Hope!!

I wouldn't kick myself too much for asking. You wouldn't know his response unless you tried.

Shake it off and enjoy your holiday. smile


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
Thanks, friends. We had a wonderful holiday. And I will just forget it. In fact, I don't think H is even going to go. Had a fabulous Christmas, and H and I had a night out alone in the city, first one since we broke up. I know we are supposed to not be M. So let's say we hung out as friends. I kept it light and happy, no R talks.

I hope you all had as good a holiday as you could considering everything. I have been thinking of you all and hoping for the best.


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
Another great day. H has been staying here all weekend, even though he is usually at his apt. on weekends. I know it's just for the holidays, but it feels so great. We spent time together as a family, just relaxing and having an at home vacation. I guess when H isn't working like a dog, he likes to be here. I told him that S is really happy when we're all together as a family. H replies, "Do you think so?" Seriously, is he that out of touch? I guess so. Fog. SO I explained.......but had no R talks about how much I miss him, etc. Kept it light and fun. And it was.

One slip today, when H was a complete jerk. Go figure. When I bring up what a jerk he's being he escalates. Of course. SO I just had to shut my mouth and move on. I hate it, but we're in MC now so he can't get away with abuse anymore.

And he never went to that party so this evening was even great. Laughing a lot and enjoying post-christmas treats and toys. Really enjoying family time. God I miss us being a family. I love having H home and parenting together. I worked so hard to not get my hopes up and just try to enjoy the moments.

I can't believe we are getting along so well. I never thought we'd have these days again.

Last edited by Hope4Luv; 12/27/09 09:16 AM.

Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,836
H initiated R talk tonight. Amazing. Rare. Open. Changed from typical WAS script of "things will never change, we should have never been together" to a clear split of indecision. He wonders half the time if we should not be together, vs. the other half if he is avoiding. This is huge peeps.

And he has been mostly jovial, nice, and just plain normal. Not so angry and abusive. Things really shifted over this holiday week.

MC tomorrow, more deep R talks anticipated.


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,844
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,844
Just dropping in for your reminder. Keep those expectations reigned in. It's hard to do.

It sounds like things might be heading in the right direction. Just keep your guard up.


Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,372
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,372
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv

And he has been mostly jovial, nice, and just plain normal. Not so angry and abusive. Things really shifted over this holiday week.

MC tomorrow, more deep R talks anticipated.


Good. Am glad to hear that. Hopefully your MC will go well smile


Me: 29
Got a ticket to the D concert
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,583
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,583
so happy for you hope - he's been thinking - maybe that fog is lifting.

i really hope so for hope smile


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
Page 78 of 79 1 2 76 77 78 79

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard