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puppy, I have heard it more than in just one place. I certainly think that there are other reasons that the M might end in the future though, some of them stemming from the A.

One thing that I have found is that among the people that I have talked to about it, a surprising number of them are willing to talk about some sort of infidelity in their past, whether its an EA/PA, or one partner was thinking about it, or with their current M, or a past relationship. That really surprised me. Maybe it could be refined to not include PA, which seems to be much harder to come back from.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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Hi mdoodles,

After reading through on this past week, I want to add this:

With your H current frame of mind, it is not absurd that H may have brought OW to your home the day the paintings disappeared. They do stupid things like that in a MLC.

After my sitch started, my H brought his OW here and gave her a tour. It was on a Sunday, he knew I would not be home and he brought her into my home and my barns and showed it all off with pride. YUP, HE DID THIS!!!!

I found out the night she showed up here and assaulted me and told me to stay away from her boyfriend. She told me herself!!!! She told me that's how she knew where I lived and how to find me that night. She even was able to tell me stuff she would only know by having been inside. UNBELIEVABLE, Huh!!!!

You never know how these guys will think or what they will do.

YES, you need to document the cash money from the sale of stuff and how you spend it. Don't under-estimate any tactics he may pull. You protect yourself on this one. Better safe than sorry.
I would make sure it was spent on stuff like groceries and clothes for son to start school, light bill, gas bill, the necessities for sure....

You know too, you can't rehearse the events for tomorrow. My advice is don't try to plan it out. Try not to be nervous, muster the strength to come across as confident and in control. I know you can do this. Once he is there maintain and avoid any/all confrontational discussions. Oh, greet him in a friendly manner and smile. Let the rest happen in "as if" manner....

I will be thinking about you.....you are a very strong lady.

Sanderika


ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11
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i dont know that he brought her in here, it is all too odd that i suddenly ran out for 20 minutes and that could have happened. no one knew i was running out, neither did i!

anyway, im convinced my in laws saw her last night for a quick dinner. they tell me no, but i do not believe them and im hurt.

he still had fil's jeep, they met him to exchange cars and got dinner at a diner. i said, was she there, they said no. i dont believe them for one second.

and it matters to me because they have lied about it in the past, they have enabled him by allowing him to bring her and they lie for him.

he is a married man, maybe right now thigns are not good between us but even when i didnt know about her, i found out later on that they had seen her. its not right.

atleast if mil would say, we didnt want to hurt you but he brought her, i wouldnt be as angry and upset as now, while she sits here telling me im crazy for thinking she was there.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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I have been through the same with my FIL. My MIL died and I am sure this was one of two triggers that brought my H into his MLC.

I got upset with FIL early on in sitch because he was "entertaining" H and OW. I also told him he was condoning and enabling their relationship. I asked him to stop out of respect for me (who is still his daughter in law of 28+ years), and his grandson of 12+ years. My FIL told me that he did not like what his son was doing, it was out of his hands and he would never turn his back on his son regardless of his son's activities.

I was so hurt by his words....

NOW, there is a very different relationship between me, my son and FIL. I am cordial and very distant and guarded with FIL. I do not respect him. I think his choice should have been to tell son not to bring OW around him and the family until I am completely out of the picture.

This hurts, if my H and I can patch things up these people will have guilt and shame. It will be hard to be around them knowing what I do.


ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11
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Doodles, I agree with you. There is a whole world of grey in between "I cannot turn my back on my son" and allowing them both in his house, and even entertaining them.

There are ways he can keep his relationship with his son, and not condone his affair. That's just a load o' crap he's giving you.

Puppy

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i feel the same as u. they are enabling them. absolutely. everyone agrees, most likely except for them. my fil once told me that he stayed cordial with h in order to be able to talk to him about what he was doing what they felt he should do.

they are afraid of him, never tell h no. never. and that is part of the problem. he never had a consequence in his life. whatever h did, wanted to do, was ok and terrific.

its not fair. mil is my best friend. atleast was. i live next door.

last year they were in atlantic city, i was walking their dogs over that weekend and months later i found out h was there with psycho as well. not sure that in laws knew they would be there too, but they were in same casino. and i was home walking the dogs! and the next day, h was here, sleeping with me and working on opening a business with me! and they knew!

and last night? after psycho has harassed me basically all year, said and done terrible things, they see her?

so what would happen if they told h nicely, no, we arent meeting her? so he would get angry? big deal. he would have to get over it.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Great parents. No wonder he's such an immature idiot.

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exactly. exactly. he is this way because no one ever stopped him. granted, nothing he ever did was as bad as this, but no one ever disciplined him.

as a kid, he was a class clown type trouble maker, but no one ever disciplined him, his cousin always tells me, the grandfather handled it more than his parents. they always said, oh its h, being h.

they did his school work for him, because he didnt want to. he didnt want to finish college, oh, ok no problem.

yes, sometimes its ok to not finish. but to let it go so easily? without discussion? he did have a good paying job but its not the point. point is nothing was a big deal.

so then he has an affair, leads a double life, wife and child sitting alone in the big house and dont know about affair.

i find out they had seen her while i didnt know, and i heard fil let her come to his dental office to fix her teeth 2 years ago! wtf?

its not right.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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After all this time, I highly doubt what they would say would have any meaning at all. I have been there and done that. My former MIL won't say a peep as she is afraid that he won't come see them if they say anything. So they are disappointed and sad. Can't feel bad for them either. They made their own bed.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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u are right...

got a bill for son's eye dr for $930 that insurance didnt cover.

i called to argue it with insurance, they say our policy was terminated when h left his job. told me to take it up with employer becauase i said i have a letter saying we had the coverage longer.

well guess what, it is in h's name. his problem.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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