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I think that he may be coming around to realizing that he has lost a lot and may still lose more because of what he has done. GOOD!! He needs a jolt to the heart strings.

Keep your eyes open though for anything that may seem too good to be true on this. I want you to to be safe with your heart and your feelings.


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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i mean, he said not a word but i can tell by his body language how he was feeling. oh well.

i will always love him and always soften to a point with him. but too much damage has been done.

my cousin (we are like sisters) even told me that if i ever thought of taking him back, she would disown me!

the way he has treated me has gone beyond having an affair, with the finances and my family's finances and the continued lying and not being around etc.

at some point of course he will start to linger around me, always has during these last 3 years.


but it is too late and as soon as i soften, i need to remind myself that.

keep in mind who he sided with when psycho went psycho and got in trouble.

keep in mind who isnt supporting his child but paying his and her expenses.

let him feel bad now. not suffer, but feel bad. its about time.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Quote:
i will always love him and always soften to a point with him. but too much damage has been done.


Remember what is said on here. That when we finally let go, that is when they start coming home. Could this be that time?

Quote:
my cousin (we are like sisters) even told me that if i ever thought of taking him back, she would disown me!


This is what kills many M restorations. Other people putting their influences in. Don't listen to other people. I don't know if you are religious or not, but if you are, listen to God, not other people. You may be seeing God starting to work on him now. My W told me to much damage has been done as well. I think that through God, anything and any M can be restored and healed and the damage can be healed.

It just looks like he may be turning a corner now and I would hate to see you give up now when he just might be finally starting to get his head straight. You did say you do have feelings for him. You loved him once. Something about him made you love him and something made him worthy in your mind to marry him and have a child with him. What was it? It can be had again. Don't lose faith. Don't listen to others who would tell you to walk away and tell you he isn't worth it. If he comes back and realizes all he did and becomes better than ever and your M becomes better than ever, imagine the mistake you might be making by not allowing that to happen.

Food for thought,

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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i totally hear what u are saying and normally i dont listen to what anyone says. if i did, i never would have taken him back the last 2 times or opened a business with him risking a large amount of my family's money. in the end it would be my choice but really, too much damage done. i will absolutely always love him. i will. but atleast right now, im done. im detached. i wouldnt let him come near me sexually if he begged.

as far as im concerned, the marriage is over...if in a few years we were to work our way back, then what will be will be.

im sure he feels some guilt now, seeing his wife and child in an apt, knowing he put us in this position.

he may not be turning the corner, he may simply see us as a reminder of the damage he did to so many people and feels guilty.

he knows i never did anything wrong. he knows he didnt leave because of me.

as of now im proceeding legally and protecting myself and moving on.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Oct 2007
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I've seen this happen on here (including myself) where when the LBS has moved on is when the WAS wakes up some. It is the "you want what you cant have" reflex.

I think you are on the right path. And I believe it would take years for both of you to heal, forgive and have any chance to rebuild a loving relationship. A one time betrayal is tough enough to reconcile from, but rebuilding with a habitual adulterer is nearly an impossible task.

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so get this, i heard my mil (who was always my "best friend") has been having what to say about me, that all of sudden, im not paying enough attention my son! that im on the phone and computer too much! can we believe this? so the person she said it to, actually put her in her place and defended me (the person she spoke to was her close family member)...

how about where is her son, my son's father? how about what he has done? how about he didnt come for 2 weeks to see his son? unbelievable.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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i didnt mean to hit submit...

i cant believe she can have what to say about me, with all i been through, with all i continue to go through, im doing the best that i can.

its hard to be mother and father 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

i do everything with my son and everything for him. yes i make plans and go out more than i did, but he is with my parents! i dont leave him that often or in bad hands! and he wants me to go out!

am i really trying to defend myself here? lol


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 5,992
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Dont fret too much about what MIL says. Blood is thicker than water and the apple does not fall far from the tree.

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Originally Posted By: KerryK
Dont fret too much about what MIL says. Blood is thicker than water and the apple does not fall far from the tree.


this is so true.... as much as MIL says what W does is wrong and ect ect she is just as quick to blame me.. "you need to step up" "take care of the kids" once she even had the guts to say "you cant control your wife" which i guess im taking it slightly out of context but none the less how can that ever be right?

so now i get a little snippy right back like today is a good example when she said i was the last one to talk to W and i knew what she was doing and plannong i told her they should have sat her (W) down and told her how adults act and why

OH and FYI not saying it runs in the family but examples are what kids follow... her mom cheated on her dad and had the guys kid too! her little 13 year old sister so good example MIL

Last edited by wifeleft2009; 09/02/09 11:45 PM.

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Hi doodles. I think that I have recently arrived at a very similar place. It feels good.

When your MIL says things like that do you try to defend yourself? I might just say something like well, if his dad would ever try to see him, I would be the only one paying attention to him.

Are your inlaws still married? It made me so angry when my MIL would try to talk about my sitch as though she had ANY idea of what I was going through, or would go through. "Oh, youll be ok, you just need to move on, you just need to do this or that." Really, when was the last time your H replaced you? When was the last time that he tried to put YOU out on the street with nothing? Oh, thats never happened? Then keep it to yourself!

I would disregard most of what she says. Or if she does make comments like that maybe you can suggest that she step it up, since her useless spawn doesnt seem to be willing to...


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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