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#1839710 - 09/17/09 06:05 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
By the way, my response was that I have a lot on my plate and am just to busy right now to consider going out with anyone.

Kurt, truthful, no information volunteered.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1839717 - 09/17/09 06:11 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Grace_O Offline
Member

Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 4541
Loc: California
I like your response.

It does sound suspicious, but I have known D'd couples where one really tried to set the other one up. Either way, kinda creepy in my world.

You want to know something ask me. No such thing as a secret anyways.

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#1839778 - 09/17/09 09:17 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: Grace_O]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4046
Sleeper, It is also possible that she cares about you and feels sorry for you. Guilt.
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


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#1839779 - 09/17/09 09:17 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: forward]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4046
And you should tell her to please not do this any more.
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


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#1839799 - 09/17/09 09:51 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: forward]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
forward,

Your speculation was the situation 1.5 years ago as we were still legally married, I had dated no one and she was fully involved with OM. To fix me up with someone would have relieved her guilt. I didn't bite.

Now it's different. We are no longer married (legally D'ed for 16 months) and she knows I have been dating Ladyfriend.

Ladyfriend has kids and X doesn't like that as X grew up in blended families. She even confronted me and angrily commented that me becomming involved with someone like Ladyfriend was "exactly" what she did not want to happen. She went on at that time to threaten seeking full custody of our children (she has tried with some success to control every aspect of our divorce and the resulting situation). Another clue that this may be her motivation is that earlier this week X mentioned our kids and ladyfriend's kids might become step sisters and brothers one day.

Here's the other thing. X has control and boundary issues. Always has, probably always will. I believe this is in large part due to the abuse she suffered as a child. Her sibling has the same issues as her but much worse (she says her sibling was abused much more severely than she was). I once refered to her sibling as "______" (their name) and X as "_____-lite" (as in she has the exact same issues but just not quite as severe) when speaking to our C. He understood.

So now I think it's more about X attempting to control with whom I am involved.

And I told myself I wasn't going to waste any time trying to figure this out.


Edited by sleeper (09/17/09 09:54 PM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1839806 - 09/17/09 10:01 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: Grace_O]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion

Quote:
You want to know something ask me.


So what happened with these "D'd couples" you knew?
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1839890 - 09/18/09 12:13 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Grace_O Offline
Member

Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 4541
Loc: California
I knew 2 couples who did this. One was a man that wanted to stop paying alimoney (back in the day). She didn't bite and probably collected until the day she died.

The other couple was different all the way around. They had a big "divorce party" and both proceeded to run amok for quite awhile. I think it was out of guilt that he kept trying to set her up with someone. I haven't heard from them in a very long time, but the last time I spoke with him (this was a good ten years after the divorce) he still felt bad about everything.

I was young(er) when I knew these people and the 1st couple he filed after Ca went to "no fault" divorces. I want to say that was very early 70's, but someimtes my brain leaks, so I'm not sure.

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#1840506 - 09/19/09 01:27 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: Grace_O]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Speaking of boundaries....

I took DD to the doctor yesterday as there are many flu viruses making the rounds and she woke up ill. I called X but there was no answer so I texted her but recieved no immediate response.

After being admitted to an exam room and asked a few questions by the nurse I called X once again as she had taken DD to the doctor a few days earlier and there questions about medications that were administered at that time which I could not answer. X got a little freaked that we were at doctor's and even though I assured her DD was fine said she would be there as fast as she could. She called while on the way and told me not to let the doctor leave the room until she got there (yeah, right I thought).

X did indeed make it, appearing at the open door of the exam room before the doctor arrived. What surprised me was that OMH was following close behind. He came in the exam room also and sat down.

I really didn't have a chance to digest it at the time but the more I think about it the more I am irritated at OMH's presence during DD's doctor visit. It was all too surreal at the time but I may have gained some insight to X and OMH's relationship. He is like a little puppy that follows her around. She sees nothing wrong with his interjection into what were previously private family matters. More than ever I don't see their relationship as healthy. The only word I can think of is CODEPENDENT, "I hate the word as I hate hell, all Montagues and...(Tybalt, kinsman of Capulet, would understand).

This is how it has been since the beginning. His job affords him a great deal of free time and he spends it with her, even when she is at work (she owns her own business). He just sits in the room where she works (like a puppy). It is as if she is a queen and he is the only member of her entourage. I now know to what the counselor was refering when he validated my decision to not help her with something by saying, "You're not her b*tch." (apparently he is).

As sick and sad as all that sounds I am pissed. I feel violated. I feel that my D was violated by his presence in something as intimate as a doctor's exam. I am reminded of when my D was assaulted and I was refused admission to the room while she was examined by a doctor for the purpose of gathering evidence. I, not her mother was the person who had taken her to EVERY doctor's appointment since her birth and worried she would not understand why I wasn't there with her. The look on her face as we made eye contact confirmed she knew something was wrong as they carried her away to the exam room that day. I could have stopped them. I had the legal authority but didn't.

I am torn between fury at OMH for not removing himself the other day and pity for the pathetic piece of clingy sh*t he must be. There have been moments since this happened almost 48 hours ago I could easily do him great bodily harm. I really don't know what to think of X. She has lost herself as the woman I once knew would have never allowed this intrusion to happen and somehow become fused with OMH to the point that connection is now greater than her connection with her children. How else could her bringing OMH into the exam room with her now 10 yr old D be explained?

I have said nothing to either of them about this.

I don't really know what to do other than learn from it and ask OMH to wait in the waiting room if it ever happens again.


Edited by sleeper (09/19/09 01:27 AM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1840657 - 09/19/09 01:47 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Kids had soccer today, X and OMH were there.

X has the music theme from the movie "American Beauty" as the ringtone on her cellphone.

I have lost my mind.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1840668 - 09/19/09 02:33 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Andabelle Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 1064
You're not the one whose brain has gone missing.

Don't let them make you crazy...


Edited by Andabelle (09/19/09 02:33 PM)

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