So ... I've been quiet lately. I don't have anything to say to myself either. I'm trying to process all that has happened. It is pretty surreal. I feel kinda lost. It is hard to explain. I think I'm just lost in the processing. I have this pile of bills on my desk that I thought "you know, I'll deal with those later." I looked at the pile yesterday and thought "wow, it's been a month an a half, I JUST put those down. Where have I been?"
Getting the papers in the mail wasn't fun. But at least the waiting for it to happen is over. I'm actually sleeping again, which hasn't happened in ... well, I can't remember. There are no more milestones with her on the horizon. I guess it makes the letting go a little easier that way.
I'm sad that it came to this. It is such a waste of relationship potential. I'm dealing with the fact of her leaving much better than I am than the HOW of it. If she doesn't want me, I don't want her to stay. I'm confident that I'll be able to move on. I am confident that I'll be happy again. The biggest frustration is her absolute disappearance. I don't know what I expected, but this isn't it. Haha. I deserve so much more than I got from her. It's that part that I don't understand. I think I'm frustrated that she chose to leave the way she did. Like, I'm somehow offended that I wasn't allowed the opportunity to let her go. The whole thing was just forced on me. I have so many questions ... that I know I'm just not going to get an answer to. And I should. Even that isn't up to me.
I appreciate all the encouragement and support. I really do. You all rock.
I hear ya on the disappearance. I was with h 30 years and now, not a word. It's like it all didnt happen.
But, you're right about the not getting answers and this being forced on us. And you know what? There's not a freakin' thing we can do about it.
But, sitting around trying to figure it all out is cutting into our new lives.
He took so much from me, I am not giving him that, too. Uh uh, not gonna do it.
So, you are going to feel lost for awhile, and sad and angry and some other stuff, too. But there are no shortcuts here, I'm afraid. You have to go through all the steps in the grieving process to get out the other side.
So, go easy on yourself for awhile. Give your mind a rest when you can. Try to keep busy and get through the day.
I've been slowly trying to regroup. Work has been crazy, so it helps to be distracted a little. XW and I have some unfinished business we need to take care of by the 1st as was ordered by the divorce papers. No big deal. I sent an email with the last of the details, In a nutshell ... hey we need to get these things taken care of. Just checking on the details to make sure we've done what we were supposed to. Hope you and the dogs are well.
About 3 minutes later I get a response detailing some extra bills she thinks we have agreed to, though not in the D agreement. The short version is that the original lease was in her name. When she moved out, she left under the pretense that it was temporary. So when she filed, I took that as my cue to move out. She wants the deposit back, which was hers anyway. When I left, she wanted to deal with the landlord directly and hasn't. So now she has decided that she's going to deduct whatever shortfall from the deposit from the money she owes me.
It's not about the money, its about control. I've been debating not saying anything and just letting her have it, if only to keep the drama to a minimum. But something in me just doesn't want to. Her usual MO is to tell me that we've agreed to something when in fact there was no agreement. Funny how she's always the one who gets what she wants from these mental creations.
I noticed that my first response was to just do it so I don't make her mad. Then i realized I don't really care if she gets mad. What is she gonna do, divorce me again? Stop talking to me? I'm treating her like the person she used to be ... and why? She's a liar and has been since the beginning. She just makes crap up and I'm supposed to go along with it. I got more emails from her today, than I have since April combined. All business. All manipulative. It's funny. I do care about how she is, so I asked. Haven't done that in about 6 months. All she'll respond to is the bills. So, fine. No more asking.
I'm just venting. It seems like an odd reaction from her for something that should just open and shut. Odd.
Hey MW. Yeah, I've had those same thoughts. Why do I try to avoid making ex mad now? We are already divorced.. lol. BUT, then I end up still trying to be peaceful b/c we NEED to get along for the kids sake. Sigh. I sure would love to just let him have it though... : ) He knows what the no holds barred me is like, and I think he's glad he doesn't have to deal with that.... : )
Stay strong. Your feelings are obviously normal since I have them too : ) Just keep being the good person you are.
Edited by SoConfused (10/17/0903:12 PM)
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
SoCo- Yes, my XW is afraid of that no hold barred thing too. It rarely comes out. My X isn't nearly as crazy as yours, but they all have a way of finding just the right button to push. I think they're all crazy in their own unique ways.
I'm actually better than ok. I know what I want to do. She's not gonna like it. Too bad. She's only had 2 years since she moved out to take care of this stuff and now we're at crunch time. It would have been easier if we just talked about things like normal people, but she didn't want to do that. Part of me thinks this is petty on my part ... in the past I wouldn't have fought her about anything if she felt entitled to whatever even if I disagreed, but I've had enough of her taking things without talking to me. She can feel entitled all she wants. My feelings get to count now. I guess that's not THAT petty.
I'm off to enjoy this glorious fall day. Woo and hoo!
Your feeling do count. If she can't talk and negotiate like a sane person ...oh well.
I find it fascinating that we are concerned about making them mad. I fall into that category too, ut what really intrigues me is that my H said he didn't want to make me mad. Of course, I had to ask, what he thought I was going to do....leave him? He just said he needed to figure out why it bothered him.
Whatever you decide to do, I know you'll handle it well.
OK ... looking for some logistical advice here. I took care of the financial piece this morning. It was the last account we had to split up. She'll be mad, too bad. She's still expecting me to reimburse her for whatever deposit shortfall may happen from our old apartment. (She gets the deposit back, but wants to "charge" me for whatever is deducted by the landlord) That's not gonna happen. We both signed a financial agreement that said nothing about that. The only thing left is for her to sign the title of the car over to me. I sent it registered mail a week and a half ago. I included a self addressed, stamped envelope to make things easier. She signed for it 9 days ago. I know she has it. She knows I know. She has to sign it by the end of the month according to our signed D agreement. So ... do I ask her for it? Do I wait for her to mail it? Do I talk to a lawyer just in case? It's the last thing we have connecting us. I know she didn't forget about it or anything. I'm assuming this is a control thing ... everything is. Thoughts?