Well, I think it was suggested because we had both seen him in the past and he has our trust already. This particular counselor is a psychiatrist and seems to hit the nail on the head everytime I see him as well as he helped me and my Ex (while we were married), with his substance abuser sister. And I think she is at least some of our problem we would need to address...
Are there men out there that would actuallly, as you said, "walk through fire" for their woman? I do feel bad that he didn't fight for me. From the beginning he never had much of a sex drive anyway... he had many other good qualities so I thought I could handle it. Lastly, yes he definitely has sister issues. Ever heard of emotional incest? Its creepy. Their mom died when he was 3 and she was 5. They ended up with this weird bond. When he announced to her he wanted to marry me, she screamed with protest, she was so jealous she pulled out a knife at one point. (I wasn't there), but he always stood up for me. Now that his Dad passed, things are still strange. I guess his Dad asked my ExH to make sure his sister will be taken care of. I'm a little put off by that, because what about me and his son? Seems like he, again isn't really going out of his way for us.. he might for his son, but not me, he won't even acknowledge that we'll always be "family". I'm just our son's mom. Sad isn't it?
Good to hear from you. Yes, it is very sad. But, to answer your question about if there really are men who would walk through fire for their W.......my H is one of those men. And to think I almost left him. Anyway, don't "settle" for anyone. Be picky! You are a valuable lady and deserve to have a man who would almost worship her. Don't settle for anything less, okay? Your "love" is out there somewhere, but the timing has to be just right.....and then it will happen.....and you'll meet him.
Whatever the R is between your XH and his sister....it doesn't sound healthy and I do not think it would do anything but bring you misery. It seems that there are issues there that you could do without.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. But, to answer your question about if there really are men who would walk through fire for their W.......my H is one of those men.
Sure their are. I was one and there are dozens upon dozens on these boards.
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
Anyway, don't "settle" for anyone. Be picky! You are a valuable lady and deserve to have a man who would almost worship her. Don't settle for anything less, okay? Your "love" is out there somewhere, but the timing has to be just right.....and then it will happen.....and you'll meet him.
I offer you my take on this in my soon-to-end sitch: "I 'm just gonna live my life and see who shows up."
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Yeah, the sitch with his sister sounds bad, but I believe he wouldn't put her before me, we started that way years ago, but the counselor we had set us straight and ever since then he put me first. The only thing is that because we are now D'd, I naturally feel a bit worried about her influence. However, given the plans we have for Disney and what we've been doing together lately, it appears, that I may still have a place in his life, maybe not the way I'd like it to be yet, but the potential seems real. Did you get a chance to read my other post?
Did you know what your ex was like before the wedding? Are all of these complaints you have about him part of a bait and switch marriage? Are most spouses really so devious that they can hide their true selves till after the wedding?
And what's up with all these needs that aren't being met? Has your ex snapped to attention and started meeting them? Or, have you decided that what you thought you were unhappy with really wasn't all that important after all?
Why make someone fight for you? Would that be something that you would enjoy if ex made you fight for him? It's a cruel and silly little game to play with someone who loves you.
Call me crazy, but I think that accepting people for who they are is the most loving thing that we can do. What would be so wrong with that?
I have the feeling that if your OM hadn't dumped you, you'd still be with him. And I think your ex is wise enough to realize this too.
Mar, I don't want to give false hope, but I don't think things are so bad. I've read through the thread. When a person is rejected so dramatically he or she often shoves their feelings deep down and out of the way. It's too hard to handle. It often feels like detachment but it's avoidance. It doesn't mean those feelings aren't there.
My suggestion is to try to stir them up. Gradually. And in a way that isn't too traumatic if it doesn't work out for you. Go on "dates." Coffee, lunches, etc. No-pressure activities and avoid R talk. Do this for awhile and see where it leads. It might end up as nothing but friendship but you're almost starting from the beginning, so you should treat it as a courtship. Respect his feelings and don't come on too strong. And enjoy the journey.
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)