I think I may have messed up abit, My ex's dad passed away today and I took our son to his place so we could tell him together (he is 6) After a we had a little wine and I just started crying because I messed up with our lives. Ugh, it was so upsetting. I felt soooo bad. I think it best if I leave the alcohol alone...
At least for now, I agree. What was that old commercial, merlot and email dont mix? Dont beat yourself up, give it a few days with your H, but you pick yourself right back up! Besides, it was a tough moment. How did your H react?
Do you live in a town where you have access to a different counselor? You have to be careful, its not too unusual for therapy to do more harm than good. And Im not sure that now is the time to ask him to go with you, preferrably, he will be the one to bring it up.
Since you have divorced, have you brought up reconciliation, or has he, at all?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
No talk of reconciliation, however we both attend our son's soccer games and school events, we are going to go (first time) to our mutual friends daughter's birthday party (they're inviting kids and parents) and he talked about both of us bringing our son to DIsney next year. I'm taking those as good signs? What I know I do need is patience though, and I'm soooo not good at that!
Not yet, I think it's too soon...Im not sure how to proceed, I'm afraid he'll just want to be friends and tell me he doesn't want to go around this with me again.
Mar, I'm not trying to be a cat, but which one are you calling your "ex"? I am confused.
There is one thing that bothers me. If the boyfried you left your H for had been committed and wanted to M you......would you be where you are now? I mean, do you want to reconcile with your H b/c things didn't work out with the boyfriend?
I understand that you were starved for romance and it sounds as if the physical touch is your LL, so I see where that could have been a big problem in your R with your H. It would have made you vulernable to an A when boyfriend from the past came back. Your H either trusted you an awful lot or else he got pretty sloppy by letting boyfriend get that close to you again.
I don't mean to offend, but can you see where one would wonder if you just want what you know you can't have anymore? First, the boyfriend, now your ex-husband? You seem to have had a good R with your H except for problems with the need for more sex. Do you feel things would be different this time around? If so, why? Yes, you can see where you made a mistake, but I go back to what I asked before. Do you want what you can't have?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Good News....My ExH told me there is a chance that sometime in the future he would consider a reconciliation! : ) I think he is realizing how incredibly sorry I am. I told him how I didn't believe he loved me because I was missing all the ways he showed me love, but I was looking for something else I thought love was supposed to be. I don't know why it took me leaving to finally figure that out! I know I still have some work to do on myself and he may even have to get over the abandonment issues he has (that I didn't make any better) before he can think about starting something with me again. I just DO NOT want to mess this up if I get a second chance to make it right.
In answer to Sandi2..I don't think its so much what I can't have.. I always wanted my H, this may sound strange, but I had wished and verbalized that the OM was fulfilling a need I desparately wanted my H to fulfill because I loved him. When we talked about that area of our R, he just told me he couldn't or wouldn't fulfill that need I had. Will it be different now? Maybe, because our sex life wasn't completely dead, and after reading some of the Sex Starved book, I think there's hope here. I believe I've learned so much about what matters and by coming to this site, never giving up and finding the right people to talk with will be the best thing we could do for each other.
However, he hasn't done all this reading, and he had told me that he thinks if we had gone to a counselor before we married the first time, they may have found us not to be a match, but since we fell in love we got married anyway. I'm not really sure how to take that observation by him. And even after that statement, he still said there may be a reconciliation in our future. So I'm just a little confused with both of those statements. He talked about maybe now, we will be more suited for each other, maybe with what we've learned?
