My XW plays the 'one-up' game and she go right ahead. My boys, all be it a little bit older understand my financial situation and we make the best of what I have to offer. This weekend alone, if it weren't for a dinner gone horribly wrong I would have cleared out only $50 in expenses for the 3 days.
It's the simple little things that excite them. Sure a pizza buffet on Friday ($5 per serson), then Saturday an dmost importantly we all made breakfast (eggs, bacon, pancakes, OJ all for $10?), but everybody participated and made something, group project. Then the zoo, (would have been free, but after being towed 2 weeks ago I opted for the $25 parking fee for peace of mind). Then dinner out after zoo, didn't plan on it, but my sister who went to the zoo said she'd split the bill, wouldn't have been bad, but the waitress kept putting the pitchers of soda directly in front of S12, much to my shock they $8 a piece, . Then Sunday, community day in the yard, every body pitched in, then S11 took the helm at the grill then we watched a movie utnil it was time to go.
Not much there, but they had a great time none the less as it was things done together. Sure XW takes them to the amusment park. But, dumps them in a line and does what ever it is she does. Wow, that's a lot of fun huh? She NEVER makes them breakfast. I know she finds it astonishing that I learned how. And that's something in itself, I learned, and then incorporated them, that is FAMILY bonding. XW can order all the McDonald's sandwiches she wants. The love of family is not there.
Xw can shower them with 'gifts' all she wants. But it's not the things they ask for and could care less. They've been asking her for new shoes since FEBRUARY! Finally my cousin and I had enough and scoured through the sales papers and guess what? Took them to the store and got them shoes and they were so happy. Granted S12 already wrecked his, but S11 wipes his down practically every day so that he can go to school tomorrow and show him the new shoes that his dad took him to get.
i could ramble on and on, I think I made my gist?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
So, I am gravely concerned that the battle to secure my S's spiritual health will have been lost before they reach the age they will make their own way in life.
I really hope I am just over-thinking this. But when even the children of parents who have done everything right are still lost to the World, I have all the more to worry.
I worry the same stuff too. Will they follow their dad's example or mine? Please let it be mine!!! But I honestly do have faith that when they get older if you provide a good role model for them, that they will choose the right example. Your boys are young now; I think you need to give them time.
I know sometimes there are biological factors (predispositions to alcohol, etc.), but I do think sometimes if kids turn out for the worst, maybe they didn't have the perfect parents it appears. I don't think there are any parents who do everything right; I certainly haven't and you know my X hasn't. But if you keep providing that foundation for them and your role model, I know your boys will be fine... Karen
I need to follow my own advice that I have been repeating to others. I need to focus on those things that are within my capacity to control and to let go of those things that I cannot. If xW wants to continue this war of bribing my S's and I find I cannot fiscally counter her, then I have to accept that that is just part of the terrain I am dealing with. I will simply do the best with what I've got. If that should prove to be insufficient to keep my kids from being swayed by materialism, then what can I say except that I did my best.
However, this is easier said than done, of course.
As I said above to DDay, we can only do our best with what we are given. I'm not trying to sound fatalistic, at least I don't think so. We all need to understand there are just some things we cannot help.
I realized that am forgetting one of my favorite sayings, from the Dirty Harry movies, "A man's gotta' know his limitations."
(On the other hand, I say all of this now, but don't be surprised if I get worked up over this again later, with some other new development in this drama.)
As I posted in detail in my thread, the little things matter, surprised my boys by meeting them at school for their first day, XW was nowhere to be found, great parenting on her end!
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I found out from S8 this morning that xW decided to not only exclude me from going to a parent orientation of S4's new preschool that was held this past Thursday night -- or to even tell me anything about it -- but she did take her mother, the wicked MIL, with her to boot.
AND, to top it off, since evil MIL went too, xW did not ask me to watch our S's but AGAIN had the OM watch them both and give them baths while she was out.
This is the second time (that I know of) that she has entrusted our S's to a strange adult man. ("Friend" my arse! I don't know this dung-bag.)
I finally sent an email letter stating my protest of her poor decisions and actions in this -- for whatever that's worth. And I copied my L.
. Then Sunday, community day in the yard, every body pitched in, then S11 took the helm at the grill then we watched a movie utnil it was time to go.