Gosh the last two nights were fabulous. We were closer as a family than we've ever been since H left. Two birthday celebration nights for S (now 5) and H was very calm and sweet.
H DIDN'T YELL AT ALL TONIGHT - could be because my parents were around. Still felt nice.
H is looking at new apts. I'm confused. On the one hand, I know he won't consider moving back in for a while if at all due to the 5 months of therapy agreement -= and the apt he's looking at is right around the corner - very convenient! He says it's the same price as the studio he's now renting, but for a 1 bdr. makes sense.
But still sad, because it cements the idea that he's not even considering moving home. But I suppose moving closer is definitely improvement. Perhaps that is symbolic. Asked him to request month t0 month or a six month lease. He said "we'll see."
Had a good day until I got home. I had dinner with my room mate and then started missing her. I truly do not think she cares what I am going through nor how I feel. I work out all the time. I don't drink to deal with it. I eat good. I go to work, I coach football at a junior college in my spare time and most importantly I spend time with my little girl. Yet I feel like it is all for nothing and it doesn't matter what I say or do. I spent the over the last 2 years for nothing.
Thanks for the support on that. RIght now I feel like a nothing. No matter that I am doing nothing self indulgent to deal with it. I am working out, taking care of my little girl and I still feel like it doesn't matter. I am not even sure why i still love her. It doesn't make sense to why I do! Everyone says it will get better but I do not believe that. It may be different but I do not think it will be better. What do say on this site? Where do go to? What topic or forum should I participate in?
It means let the water just roll right off of your back.
I like it.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Gosh the last two nights were fabulous. We were closer as a family than we've ever been since H left. Two birthday celebration nights for S (now 5) and H was very calm and sweet.
H DIDN'T YELL AT ALL TONIGHT - could be because my parents were around. Still felt nice.
H is looking at new apts. I'm confused. On the one hand, I know he won't consider moving back in for a while if at all due to the 5 months of therapy agreement -= and the apt he's looking at is right around the corner - very convenient! He says it's the same price as the studio he's now renting, but for a 1 bdr. makes sense.
But still sad, because it cements the idea that he's not even considering moving home. But I suppose moving closer is definitely improvement. Perhaps that is symbolic. Asked him to request month t0 month or a six month lease. He said "we'll see."
sigh. patience.
Hope,
I'm glad you had a couple good nights with your H. You deserved the break! Cherish those moments but don't put a lot of weight on what happened because you will wind up disappointed if you do. Again, don't believe anything your H says and only 50% of what he does.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Oh, BJ you are bursting my bubble! I was logging on to brag again! Day #3 and he was mellow, sane, open. We hung out on the couch all night (last week at this time, he stayed in separate rooms all night) and was way less tense and more open to negotiating the Fri night dinner thing. H was just his old self again. The nutcase vanished for a few magic days.
I know you are right I don't want to be disappointed - but I'm feeling so good right now. I will do as you suggest = enjoy the feeling for now, but not expect anything for the future.
@Mongoose = The best way to get a lot of support and feedback here is to start your own thread. In the meantime, I will say that when you are ready, you will be doing those things FOR YOU. I know it's so painful right now when you feel the sting of the loss. Keep getting out and having those good days. When the pain hits, know that you are still somebody important and special with or without her. Keep working on loving yourself, doing what makes you happy, filling up yourself with positive activities. Eventually, you will start to turn around.
H showed up again - we comprimised and gave up our Friday night dinners - just for this week (comprimise is a 180 - usually we fight) and yet H swung by to see S5 and to do a few computer things. H had a stressful day but did not yell at us. Seems the old man who hit H's car is denying there was an accident at all and refusing to pay. Usually H would take out his stress on me but didn't.
I was distant and more aloof than usual - because H is looking for a "new apt" tomorrow and I"m just fed up with all this limbo - like why doesn't he just move back he is spending all our savings on that dumb apt - but I have done enough DB to know he has to choose on his own time if and or when he wants to come back.
My 180- instead of fighting with him about the sitch - or pressuring, I just kept aloof. H asked "what's wrong - should I keep my distance?" I just said I was tired and worried about money. Besides that, all I can say is he noticed my aloofness. Even came back into the house "because he forgot something" after leaving - something he never does.
He prefers to upset the apple cart and leave screaming and with me trying to resolve things as he's storming out. I'd say I did a good 180 - I cut him off this time. This time, H even came back. He must have been wondering why I just didn't give a darn any more.
