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#1836311 - 09/11/09 01:44 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
karen43 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/27/07
Posts: 4886
Loc: Florida


Quote:
She wants to sit down this weekend and talk about how we're going to split things out.

Stop calling her. Don't beg or plead with her. Do not sit down with her and decide anything this week. What's the rush? I think you should either go with a mediator or Ls to help with the process; professionals that can help you with that. I don't get the rush. Basically tomorrow she wants to do that? Personally she sounds very unstable and all over the place to me; and you're going through it now too. I strongly advise you not to do that; what does your L say about this stuff?


Quote:
She says that she's willing to put every last of her dollars into the boys, while I'm making sounds about pushing back on support - that we should look at daycare for the boys, and let the ride the bus, so she can work vs. letting her take care of them. She's worried about me strong-arming her, and there's nobody in her corner if she gives up the lawyer and goes for mediation.
It's a reality that when you are splitting up into 2 households there is almost half the money. Things do have to be economized on: like riding the bus and both spouses getting jobs. It's not that you don't love your boys as much as she does, but you are more reality-oriented than her at this point.

Quote:
THat is, she thinks I'm making a control play to hide money.
Why would she think that? Have you ever given reason to believe that?
_________________________
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D13, S19

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#1836323 - 09/11/09 01:58 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: karen43]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
No, I've never given her reason to believe that.

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#1836324 - 09/11/09 01:59 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: karen43]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Bill,

I don't have anything to add other than to see listen up. Stop the self pity and worry. You are getting outstanding advice from Coach and karen. I completely agree with what they are telling you.

What you choose to do with their guidance is your choice.
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

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#1836326 - 09/11/09 02:00 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: karen43]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Bad feelings - no, no yelling or anything like that.
The confrontation we had this weekend, and the checking thing is it -

Have to go -

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#1836379 - 09/11/09 03:13 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
OK guys, thanks. I'll cool it. I understand I must sound frantic.

Am I in a better position now to save my M?

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#1836393 - 09/11/09 03:31 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Quote:
Am I in a better position now to save my M?


YES, but that's not the point.

How do YOU feel for standing up for YOU?
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

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#1836404 - 09/11/09 03:49 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
karen43 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/27/07
Posts: 4886
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: BillM
No, I've never given her reason to believe that.
I didn't think so. She has no logical reason for saying this stuff. I'm not sure if it's intention or not, but it sounds like she's trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants or going along with what she wants. I wouldn't let her rush you or pressure you into anything. If you're not going the L route, at least maybe look into a mediator to help with the process.
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#1836406 - 09/11/09 03:56 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: givingitmyall]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Well, it felt good to take positive action, sure.

Last night I felt strong and confident, when she was upset. She was talking about how she had paid the bills, but didn't have any money left - then said "now that you're all secretive." Later she said, technically half that money is mine, and I want pay bills with it. You can use the other half to buy that guitar. I kind of shrugged and said, I don't want to buy that.

Then she said, "you would have been really pissed if I had done that." Which, the first time we went through this, she did exactly the same thing.

Keep in mind, the bills she's talking about here includes her credit card with the L's retainer.

I don't know guys, these things felt like the right thing to do at the time.

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#1836411 - 09/11/09 04:01 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
NoLongerHere Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 1485
Karen - my W hired a lawyer that apparently doesn't mediate. This is the scumbag that filed all the court dates without W's instruction, and who reportedly works to increase fees with litigation.

We went to see the L that I hired, who does collaborative divorces, and has offered to mediate.

W now says she's thinking about keeping scumbag, and doesn't have confidence in the L I hired, who she thinks will be protecting my interests.

Perhaps I need to send a note to my lawyer.

Arg.

Gotta go.

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#1836413 - 09/11/09 04:09 PM Re: BillM's new thread [Re: NoLongerHere]
givingitmyall Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 3844
Loc: Southeast
Quote:
Karen - my W hired a lawyer that apparently doesn't mediate. This is the scumbag that filed all the court dates without W's instruction, and who reportedly works to increase fees with litigation.


If this is, in fact, true (and I have my doubts), she needs to fire L and get a new one. I not only stayed in a Holiday Inn last night, but I IS a L. If her L took action w/o her consent, she shouldn't pay. Plain and simple. Your state bar association should have a fee dispute procedure she could utilize.
_________________________
Me 43, S11, D7
M13
Bomb 4/20/09
Current

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