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#1821937 - 08/19/09 06:49 PM So now what?
mountain_west Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 248
Loc: CO
I'm moving over here from the newbies board. I'll just pick up where I left off ...

My W filed for D the first week of July. Our initial court date is set for tomorrow. It looks like we'll be exchanging all the necessary forms. Unless anything is contested, or there is some gigantic change of heart on Her part, it will all be official on Oct 9th or 10th. We've agreed on all the financial/stuff details. She's doing everything she can to get out as quick as possible. That part just frustrates me.

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I can't stop the actual D. Any attempt on my part to do so is only going to come across as pursuit, or at the very least an attempt to hang on to the rope, so dropped it is. I think the part that frustrates me the most, is that there is/has been about zero communication from her about anything. How freaking hard is it to let me know what is going on? I've gone back and forth on being just absolutely livid about the whole thing to being almost hopeful. Stupid emotions.

I'm mostly mad that the little interaction I do have with her comes across like she decided to move on months ago then realized that she hadn't told me. So now I'm more of an afterthought while she lives the life she always wanted. I'm stuck trying to sort out something that happened months ago, for her anyway. Does that make sense to anyone?

I'm trying to sort out how I want to approach the whole paperwork thing tomorrow. Part of me is fighting to see why I should even care. She's already made up her mind that it is me that she doesn't want. I don't see any change in that. The other part of me thinks/hopes that there is some conflict buried beneath her "I've moved on" exterior. Maybe the short version is that she just gets to walk away clean. How do you do that? How do you just cut someone out of your life like that?

I'm all over the place today. I know this is disjointed but it needs to come out. Tomorrow will be here soon and I'd rather not have this rolling around in my head. Jump on in ... the water is warm.
_________________________




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#1821964 - 08/19/09 07:16 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3768
Recipe for MLC

1c- seemingly normal person
1c- bad childhood
1/2c- unresolved issues
1c- seemingly innocent friend of the opposite sex
1/2c- anger and resentment
3/4c- confusion
1/2T- blank stare
1c- complete nuts
2c- depression
3c- Lying


Combine ingredients and let stew for several years...

Add depression and let (half) bake for several months...

Turn up heat and let expand until nuts are fully exposed on outer layer.

Apply a sprinkling of reality occasionally to keep from overexposure to heat.

Let ingredients rest as much as possible to keep from getting burned.

Should be done in around 3-7 years.

Let cool for several of those before attempting to handle.

There are several of these recipes out there, that will work.

Variations can always be done, and ( gasp ) this recipe can be re-written into a recipe that DOESN'T work....

Anyone else want to add anything ?








Edited by Mach1 (08/19/09 07:18 PM)

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#1821980 - 08/19/09 07:32 PM Re: So now what? [Re: Mach1]
mountain_west Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 248
Loc: CO
I would like to add ...
6 c - secrecy
and the blank stares need to be added to taste

Can I assume that the filing/pursuit of the divorce is not really moving on?

What do I do tomorrow? I'm thinking of acting like it doesn't bother me. That I have other more interesting things to do. No chit chat. Just fill out the forms and go about my day. Does that sound too aloof?
_________________________




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#1821990 - 08/19/09 07:44 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3768
Originally Posted By: mountain_west
What do I do tomorrow? I'm thinking of acting like it doesn't bother me. That I have other more interesting things to do. No chit chat. Just fill out the forms and go about my day. Does that sound too aloof?


I think you need to keep a few things in mind.....

Dignity

Honor

Grace

And think about what it is that you want to project to her...

This is an oppurtunity for you to shine through this...

Not so sure that you can shine and project darkness at the same time....

You have done the work on yourself ( I assume )

Maybe it's time to NOT plan your actions beforehand and just let MW come out for a while...

Trust yourself that YOU are real, and that your work payed off for you....

And if that isn't enough ?

You can only be who you really are E....nobody else...

Trust YOU through this....

If it feels like an act, then that's all it will ever be....

I give you prayers my friend....

I would say luck, but you don't need that...

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#1821995 - 08/19/09 07:52 PM Re: So now what? [Re: Mach1]
still.struggling Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/05
Posts: 6532
I say just be yourself tomorrow.
_________________________










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#1822108 - 08/19/09 09:15 PM Re: So now what? [Re: still.struggling]
mountain_west Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 248
Loc: CO
Mach, T2SP
I appreciate the responses. I met with Db Coach Jody yesterday. It seems to have thrown me off my game. I think I'm doing x, when it comes across as y. It could just be a case of too much thinking. I know why I moved. I know why I'm doing all this work. It's all for me to find me again. Not that I ever went completely missing, but this whole MLC/WAW stuff had me running around trying to figure out who I am with respect to Her. That's no way to live, especially with someone who doesn't want to be attached to me in any form.

Dignity. Honor. Grace. Good words.
_________________________




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#1822125 - 08/19/09 09:27 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
WCW Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 4986
Hi mt, I think it takes strong people to stay the course during someone's MLC so we don't take off into our own! Yes, we spin and get sucked in to their games and wonder who we are. Stay strong, stay steady.

Tomorrow? be your best self. Look good, smell good, walk with confidence. Be the prize she is losing.
_________________________
Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.

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#1822141 - 08/19/09 09:41 PM Re: So now what? [Re: WCW]
Golfgirl1 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 798
Loc: CO
I'll be thinking of you...fellow Coloradan!! Be strong and be the man she would never think of losing...
_________________________
Me 53
H 47
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B

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#1822145 - 08/19/09 09:44 PM Re: So now what? [Re: WCW]
Golfgirl1 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 798
Loc: CO
I'll be thinking of you...fellow Coloradan!! Be strong and be the man she would never think of losing...
_________________________
Me 53
H 47
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B

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#1822188 - 08/19/09 10:30 PM Re: So now what? [Re: Golfgirl1]
dl443322 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 4042
Hey MW, nope, its no way to live, trying to figure out who you are in relation to her. But, you know that, right?

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I know it will be a difficult day.

Stand strong and believe in you.

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