Well done on getting through the RE panic and getting your mind back on track into the meeting! What is it with us girls if an emergency at work came up we wouldnt panic, we'd say we know our job, we are trained, we can do this and we would bounce into action and save the day! Well thats how Im trying to approach all of this, what I was doing didnt work, it chased H out of the house and left me on my own, so now if something comes up which is going to challenge (panic) me I think this is my job (a wife who is repairing her marriage) I need to bounce into action with confidence and a smile, H must have been gobsmacked when I didnt bite on the "Ive only got two weeks to work" all I said "I know youre trying hard to find a new one" The key for me is to go through all the challenge possibilities and think of positive answers.. The more I practise the easier it gets I hope! Hope the rest of your day was good and sorry for waffling on I seem to be on a roll this morning
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
That's my homework this week ... thinking of challenging questions from H and working on my responses! I'm full of quick smart answers for any other situation - I totally work off the hoof in a lot of situations and it never fazes me. When it comes to H, different kettle of fish.
H knows me all to well. He knows my modus operandi and he knows when I am bluffing ... he also knows that when I cut people off, that's their last. I wonder if he thinks that is what I have done, each time I initiate nc??
Day 3 with nc today. Tomorrow I have to go work visiting in the suburb where he has his 'bachelor pad'. He will be at work for sure but I will be cruising and wondering where his place is ... it's gonna hurt knowing that I'm in his new stomping ground.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Ok can see you spending a lot of time infront of the mirror going over your replies, dont forget to add a slightly naughty
As for tomorrow, your thoughts need reprogramming, youre not visiting his batchelor pad ground.. No no! You are in the area where your slightly delusional alien H lives, and remember that he is not living hunky dory and full of fun and joy, he is getting it in the neck from OW and has no one to cuddle every night! Or your own slightly adapted version lol
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I hope your C session goes well for you tonight. You seem to be coping quite well now and have bounced back after the other night. See now you're up and I am back down again, we all seem to be in cycles as one or two are up there are another two that are down and some that are just stuck in the middle.
Hey Oz Well, C was OK tonight after almost a two week hiatus with no sessions due to work.
Biggest challenge was that C has gone from believing that H is done to thinking that he may be having a change of heart by the way that he offered to do a few things for me last week (fix the insurance and the cupboard door)!
Anyhow, she suggested that I write him a letter telling him some precious memories that I have and how they are my gift that I will carry from our M through my life. She said that I should not expect an answer and that when I present him with the letter at the end of our next meeting (goodness knows when that will be) I should tell him that it is my gift to him. I kind of know where she was going but I'm not sure that he would accept the letter with good grace. I may just do it as an exercise and to see how much I can muster - she wants me to monitor my feelings as I am writing. What do you guys think of this??
C was saying that she thinks H pulls back at the end of all of our meetings as he is feeling too comfortable and may be frightened that he will give in to his feelings. I don't know.
I'm kind of feeling stuck in the middle right now - not feeling very up as it's Day 4 of n/c and today was really difficult, but that leads me in to answering Rabbit's post.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
You C is probably right that he is having a change of heart even a small one. But on the letter idea I don't know, I remember you saying he did not like it when you gave him pictures/updates of your cats. He may view the letter the same way and as a subtle way of pursuing.
But see for my H that would have been a good thing in hindsight but your situation and your H are entirely different. I certainly wouldn't rush into this just yet. Wait and see what others think about this.
Hey Rabbit Counselling was OK (see reply to Oz) but today was a real rip of the old heart as I drove first past H's old work place and then straight past where his new office is. It was so tempting to turn the corner and drive right by to just see his car, or even call him and say "look out of the window"!! It would have been so much fun at any other time and, as it was lunch time, I would have even asked him to come eat with me. Instead, I drove on.
On the way back, I imagined myself driving there in his car, as I used to if I had the SUV for any reason. Now, it feels like it's a forbidden place for me to go and I stay away like there's barbed wire all around the office building. I was scared, I think, as if his car had not been there I would have panicked. H often goes on a little 'trip' during the day if he has any chance to get out of the four walls but the damage it would have done to me if his car wasn't there was not worth the risk.
After having driven past both office buildings, I then drove through the suburb where he is living. Knowing not exactly where, every unit looked like it could have potential for being 'his'. I had to take this route to get to the place where my afternoon meeting was - there was just no avoiding it.
Feeling like I needed a treat and passing by the opportune lighting shop, I pulled in and attempted to buy a pair of 'touch control' bed lamps. The shop didn't have them in stock but kindly rang a store nearer to me so that I can pick them up tomorrow. My treat to me for almost having finished two weeks at work and having spent nearly all my tax refund on house bills. Who can afford to GAL?!! Not me!
I could almost feel his breath on me, I was that close to him. Now I am 60kms away.
Tonight I drove down the newly opened freeway extension, loving it and thinking of all the conversations that we had about when it opened. It opened on Sunday after we have watched every bit of it being built over the last 18 months.... and then I drive it on my own, for the first time. I felt as lonely as I could ever be and so scared too when a section of it was in complete darkness. They have put a big truck inspection bay in (really unusual for around here) and there are those beautiful "runway blue" lights as road markers. H would have been impressed as we both love that colour of the cat-eyes and I just wanted to come home and email him about it. I know that it's a silly thing but it's something that we would have chatted loosely about - those 'nonsense' topics that mean nothing but kind of finish off something that has been going on for a long time.
So, more dreams last night and equally as diagnostic of my situation as the previous ones were. It's so freaky.
My gf back home also said that she had been to a clairvoyant who told her that a very close friend is having martial difficulties but next year would be a better year. B is absolutely convinced that this was meant for me. How is it going to be better though?? I told her that if I KNEW 100% that H was coming home, I would be GAL'ing like a go-go girl right now. Would any of us really be this heartbroken if we knew that our WAS was coming back?? I think not.
OK - so it's off to bed for me. More out and about tomorrow and then quiet on Thursday when the whole office go on a "planning" day, that I have not been invited to!! Instead, I have been nominated to stay 'home' and take all the office phone calls - the damned cheek of it!! Ergo, Nell plans to stock up on books and do nothing but read her way through the day whilst being in the new role of telephone operator!!
Ciao bella's - catcha's tomorrow.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
