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Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Aw crap. That's the hard part. Gathering the courage to keep it up. Ok, will do.


Yep. Just remember how proud it made you feel.


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BTW GIMA, thanks for reminding me tp find some happiness with my son yesterday. I had a wonderful day with him. We did have a nice lunch. H came with me after that to my performance, sat through it attentively with grandma, and then came to dinner with me and some friends. I was able to GAL and bond with my son at the same time! I think that is why I felt so empowered when I came home.

EB, you were right as well. Thank you for reminding me last week to get out and have some fun. It made a world of difference to not be sitting around at home ruminating about my sitch.

You are all the best!


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Sounds so wonderful! You see?! Keep it up. I'm so happy for you that you had a great day and you are feeling empowered. Keep the focus on yourself and your son and being happy.


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Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
BTW GIMA, thanks for reminding me tp find some happiness with my son yesterday. I had a wonderful day with him. We did have a nice lunch. H came with me after that to my performance, sat through it attentively with grandma, and then came to dinner with me and some friends. I was able to GAL and bond with my son at the same time! I think that is why I felt so empowered when I came home.

EB, you were right as well. Thank you for reminding me last week to get out and have some fun. It made a world of difference to not be sitting around at home ruminating about my sitch.

You are all the best!


Hope, you did the hard work. Just keep doing this. This should show you the importance of, and reason for, GAL'ing and taking the focus off your H.

Good job.


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Well folks. It's all for nothing. H called me this morning and said he is going to pick up his mom from the hospital this morning meaning he has to work this afternoon and this evening. This means he is going to not pick up S from preschool as originally arranged, and wants to "let us know" if he has time to come tonight to see S. All this week he is playing this game of letting us know with very short notice if and when he's coming over. It's because he wants to take S to his new apt., not be here in the house with him where I feel S5 will feel most secure.

He refuses to stick to our prearranged visitation schedule, and he wants to drop in. Up until now I have been flexible because I want my S to be with dad as much as possible.

This unpredictability is upsetting to S.

On top of this, H says coming over here to be with S "doesn't work for him and I need to propose alternatives or he will just go with his alternative." Then when I try to talk to him about it, and albeit it is extrememly upsetting and emotional to me, he shuts me down, starts calling me crazy and a nut job again, says he refuses to listen and will only tell me how it will be. He says "this is not the time to talk about it" yet he continues to bring up upsetting talks when he immediately has to get off the phone and refuses to set up prearranged times to negotiate these issues.

He has also refused to arrange a time to "talk" about the legal sep agreement and/or hand them over.

Sorry, I'm venting, but my standing up for myself today only got me outshouted and hung up on.

I'm going to not answer his calls or talk to him until I have clear advice from my L if he can take S to his apt. before a legal agreement is settled on.


Advice?


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Like you have noticed before Hope, this is all about control.

With the schedule this week, could it be that H has no control over when he has to work and is taking his frustration out on you? Are you sure he wants to take your S to his new apt? Are you usually there when H is w your S?

I agree that the unpredicatability is upsetting to S. Same in my sitch. I wanted them to be with their dad as much as possible, but I was being a doormat by being so flexible and dropping things at the last minute for him. Just tell him no for the times that it doesn't work for you and it's not part of the schedule.

quote: On top of this, H says coming over here to be with S "doesn't work for him and I need to propose alternatives or he will just go with his alternative." Then when I try to talk to him about it, and albeit it is extrememly upsetting and emotional to me, he shuts me down, starts calling me crazy and a nut job again, says he refuses to listen and will only tell me how it will be. He says "this is not the time to talk about it" yet he continues to bring up upsetting talks when he immediately has to get off the phone and refuses to set up prearranged times to negotiate these issues.

This all sounds like you are talking too long with him. Remember KISS? Don't let him see you upset either. He's pushing your buttons. With the schedule for today, I would say pick your battles. Let him see your son like planned even though it's later. It's not like he cancelled. Oh well, might be too late by now.

I'm sure others on here will give you more advice.

Oh, and it sounds like a good thing that he is delaying showing you the legal sep papers or schedule a time to discuss. He's just trying to be controlling again.

(((hugs)))





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Quote:
Sorry, I'm venting, but my standing up for myself today only got me outshouted and hung up on.


Hope, this is NOT why you are sticking up for yourself. You CANNOT control what your H does/says. You are not doing this to obtain a result from him.

You are doing this for YOU, and only YOU. Do what is right for YOU.

If you stick up for yourself, or take any other action for that matter, with an expectation it will make H act/say something, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Take a few deep breaths, then think about why you are reclaiming control and your self-esteem.


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@ dbd - yes, if he wants to see his son, I won't stand in his way. In the future, however, I will send a KISS email that says S needs as much consistency as possible and this means letting him know when he will be here or not and what time. I want to pick my battles now and not argue.

I also know that if it comes to a custody battle, it will be better for me if H doesn't act consistent about his visitation.

Last week, H's dad was visiting from the east coast, and this week his mom is in the hospital. So, I've been flexible to accomodate these emergencies.

But this thing of threatening to take my S to his apt - I don't know until I hear from the lawyer if he can do this or not until there is a legal agreement. Anyone know?


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Well that's it. He said no way is he ever going to give me a chance again. He's too hurt from the past and the only way that he can be sure I can never hurt him again is to cut me out of his life.


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so, that's 2 days after you sign the paper he wanted you to sign and now he is reneging on his promise, no MC? seems like he was lying to get you to do what he wanted.

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