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#1849899 - 10/04/09 03:54 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Dia pointed out to me that distance isnt really a problem, if they want to come to you they will, bearing in mind my H had to drive three hours to get to me the other day, although it was on the pretext of babycakes being poorly he knew bc was in the vets so I know he came for me as well.

The only thing I can think of is that part of this MLC/WAS stuff is control issues, so if you threaten their control before they are ready to give some up you get "teenage boy" and "low flying teddies" I have my H twiddled around my finger some of the time but that sense of me pushing just a bit too much and Im gonna achieve a "runaway, teenage, teddy thrower" its horrid he is so near yet so far and the teeniest step wrong will send him packing again..

Use this time wisely Nell as Im sure that if you dont learn the techniques now they come back to bite you on the bum later, Im almost at ok Im making this work but the next bit is gonna be even scarier!

Anyway your time is up now the week is over, what did you find to do?

Hugs and Cuddles Rabbitx
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1849942 - 10/04/09 07:04 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Lost Rabbit]
undrdg Offline
Member

Registered: 08/03/09
Posts: 287
i am very much struggling to find out how it is a person in a marriage can feel controlled.
This is something that eats me at my core.
My W says that i control her too much, but she has been doing everything she wants to do. I have never stopped her from doing anything she ever wanted to do, but still she claims i control her.

i am confused.
_________________________
My sitch- http://tinyurl.com/nth74d

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#1850005 - 10/04/09 10:46 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: undrdg]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Undrdg - I have replied on your thread so that my answer does not get lost for you!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1850013 - 10/04/09 10:54 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
undrdg Offline
Member

Registered: 08/03/09
Posts: 287
thanks nell. I appreciate your insight.
The controlling factor always seems to accompany the i have lost my identity in this marriage too.

I struggle with that concept, especially when my wife has always been true to who she is, in my opinion.
_________________________
My sitch- http://tinyurl.com/nth74d

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#1850014 - 10/04/09 10:57 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Lost Rabbit]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Hey Rabbit
I know what you are saying ... how can distance be a problem when H is travelling interstate to keep his a alive? He won't even push a button to speak to me at the moment!

I have just posted on undrdg's thread in regard control issues. I got up this morning feeling as flat as ... and yet my brain is working overtime in the Think Dept.! I didn't realise it before but H must be considering that he is now holding the controlling reigns as a 180 on me 'controlling' our lives in the past. I have not deliberately done so but we girls know how we have to get behind the men sometimes and push them along ... is that 'controllling'? If so, charge me, I am guilty.

I reckon there must be some low flying teddies around H's place this morning! He will have picked up my email and text by now (I figure) and he won't be happy that I am asking for this meeting. Thing is, I've worked out that, whilst I am now more than happy to pay my way whilst I am working, I'm not paying H's excess and he is not contributing enough ... we will be in a pickle mid-month if this is not sorted out. As he's going off on his business trip, I need to sort things and soon. I expect that this will be another step too far for him.

I have not forgotten my challenge Rabbit but I have not been very forthcoming in a solution for out and about GAL'ing. What I have decided instead (until I can achieve my goal) is to be productive at home and get my jewellery making going again. It will keep my hands from being idle and I can create some pieces that I can donate to a charity. I rather thought that I could give some to my C venue - I have not been paying for my C as they have assessed my work/home situation and let me off with my fees! As a 'pay back', I reckon that they could get something for my work - even if it is to sell the pieces amongst the staff and put the proceeds in to their coffers. I hope that will suffice until I can think of something else that's 'out there' to get involved with?!!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1850180 - 10/05/09 04:14 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
girlfromoz Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 885
Hi Nell

Serious apologies for not being here purely because of lack of net at home, but I have been thinking of everyone here, wondering what has been happening and heavens above does a lot happen in a few days.

Have tried catching up on your thread, got a little bit lost but have an idea of what has been happening.

I am glad that you are going to get back into your jewellery making, I can dressmake but in the creative craft dept I am useless and I admire those that can create jewellery.

Now your email has gone off to H, try not to think about what he has thought upon reading it, that is part of the detaching side of things. You have responded, now you just go on with your life and GALing and when he replies then deal with it, but don't let the thoughts of his reaction at this point bother you.

LR is right, you have to learn the techniques or they do come and bite you on the bum, we have all gone through that. If your H is stubborn he will take just that bit longer to get through to and so you are going to have to show an exceptional amount of patience.

Hope work is going well for you Nell.

(((((((((Nell)))))))
_________________________

Trying to keep hope alive

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#1850203 - 10/05/09 07:27 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: girlfromoz]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Love the idea of making the jewellery for the C Nell I do so think that is GAL after all you will have to go shopping for bits to do it and it will keep you occupied as well. I am getting my mate to teach me to do Xmas cards as its always something I have wanted to do. Thanks for the lovely 2x4 I needed it. I think because it was delayed pull back I didnt see it coming quite so obviously although Im back on rabbit track now! x
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

Top
#1850208 - 10/05/09 09:28 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: girlfromoz]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Good to hear from you Oz ... yes, plenty happens in a few days, even though much never appears to change!

I'm not so talented with the jewellery - it's only something that I have picked up since I have been here. I do basic stuff but I've had lots of comments and even sold some pieces for charity a while back. Good to try it again!

I have had to email H again this arvo ... in fact about 6 times! I hadn't read all of the emails in regard rescheduling the tribunal and so commented on each one before forwarding to H. He will understand but I would rather have just sent one and been done with. Still no reply from him in regard the finance meeting that I really want to have with him. He's getting off scott free at the moment - another "not fair" from me!

I am working on the techniques, for all the good that it's going to do me. I have visions of him moving away at the moment and not even telling me. My paranoia is in full flow though I have felt a bit better in another way - it's all very bipolar!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1850209 - 10/05/09 09:35 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
So - don't know how I'm feeling today ... a bit ambivalent about everything I guess. I don't know if this is the beginning of true detachment or whether I am just too tired to care right now.

I have had an exhausting day at work and, listening to other people's 'problems' which can't even hold a light to your own, is so frustrating! There they are, weeping and wailing over nothing and I just want to scream, "d'ya wanna swap problems because I would HAPPILY take yours right now". Professionalism over-rules, thank goodness!

Got a really nice compliment from one of my colleagues today and felt so chuffed. I realised that was the first positive thing that someone has verbalised to me in about 6 months. I valued the message and validated her kindness for giving me such lovely feedback. It later became painful as I realised that it took a stranger to make me feel good about myself, instead of it being H, who's job I feel that it is. How sad is that?
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

Top
#1850221 - 10/05/09 10:29 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Sent a text to H tonight to ask him to reply to my email re finances. No response. Decided to call him ... long connection time and phone tone tells me that he is interstate.

I am FURIOUS. I just want to tell him now that I am done and I want to finalise everything. Of course, it's not how I feel in my calm state but I am so damn mad. I'm on the verge of calling his parents to see if they can get through to him but of course I know that it's wrong to do so. I know that they would be as supportive as they could be but he's still their son so the bias would be more than evident.

I think that this is time for LRT and when he does get back, I will lay things on the line to him. Meanwhile, I am going to arrange a house evaluation at the weekend. I figure that he is hoping that I will get to this stage ... I don't want to do this stuff but I am FED RIGHT UP of him taking me for a fool and behaving this way toward me. Right now, yeah, I HATE YOU CREEP.


Edited by Eskimo Nell (10/05/09 10:32 AM)
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

Top
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