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Thanks, TJ, for such a thoughtful reply and for sharing your painful experience.

I've found that there are many corners to turn in this whole experience. just when I think I've made progress and can continue on the straightaway, picking up some speed, there's "another f'ing opportunity for growth" (aka an "afog experience!).

and I so hear you about being a caregiver and not taking care of myself. sometimes I wonder if this is the ultimate lesson I'm supposed to get out of all of this (not that it happened for this reason, you understand, but that this is my redemption to discover). because I have always been lousy at that, and even today I have no idea how to do it. I'm either working, cleaning, running errands, surfing (that's how I wind down) or sleeping. I do try to reach out to friends, but honestly at this point most of them communicate with me online. which is fine most of the time, but coffee with somebody sometime would be great.

so I'm open to some good, creative self-care ideas! especially low-cost or no-cost ones. anyone? anyone?

thanks again for your help!! I am feeling better today. I ate half a quart of ice cream--from the carton with a spoon--so I've had my pathetic wallow for the time being. at least it was "light" ice cream, and I didn't eat it in bed. that's a step or two lower on the ladder!! but sometimes a good strategy!


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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btw--I did get a long email from my long-distance friend last night, but it was on my work account so I didn't get it until this morning. also a text just before going to bed. and it turns out he had to go and pick up his daughter after youth group at church--not sure where the whole grocery store thing came from.


M60
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M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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Funny, I was dealing with the isolating feeling recently, too. Spoke to IC about it today, and...well, I should put it over on my thread wink

But know that you are not alone in these feelings...

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Originally Posted By: Donna...Found
Funny, I was dealing with the isolating feeling recently, too. Spoke to IC about it today, and...well, I should put it over on my thread wink

But know that you are not alone in these feelings...
yeah, that isolation thing is a real trigger for me. I'm trying to keep it in my head and deal with it that way, because otherwise I panic, get depressed, eat ice cream from the carton, etc. I'm learning to recognize the feeling before I react emotionally, so that I can do some constructive self-talk. A little do-it-myself cognitive behavioral therapy. Most of my poorer decisions in life have been in response to that sense of isolation--it only took me 53 years to figure out how to deal with it!


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D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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ugh. ran into an old friend at the grocery store who used to work with xH years back. and she kept asking me questions about him until it occurred to me she didn't know that he dumped me for Wiccawoman. so I spilled it there in the grocery store and it made her cry. she thought the world of him--and she was calling him names tonite. but I walked away feeling completely wrung out. I hate this part.

come to think of it, there aren't many parts I DO like about this whole thing. except, perhaps, reconnecting with old friends and making a few new ones!


M60
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OW-old gf from 1986
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D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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Heard from my L on Friday--nasty note wondering why I hadn't made arrangements to pay the enormous fee I owe him. I never received a statement. Now I'm in the process of making arrangements to pay it off over time, and I'm just struck by how dramatically xH's choices continue to negatively impact his daughter.

Got a note from my friend from 800 miles away. Seems his xW recently started dating, and forwarded him a graphic love note from the man she just spent the weekend with. She's a classic WAW, altho perhaps even a little more extreme. He's amazed that she's already "in love" and planning a future with the new guy. And I was reminded that my xH was in love and planning to spend the rest of his life with his "soulmate" just 2 days after they discovered a mutual interest in each other. Another reason I think that WAW syndrome and MLC deserve their own DSM-IV category--so predictable.


M60
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D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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Quote:
...I think that WAW syndrome and MLC deserve their own DSM-IV category


Amen to that! I've thought the same thing.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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ah, yes...now I remember why I haven't had a thread in awhile....

so--journaling.

We are now into the second week of school at the elementary where I am a school nurse. On Monday one of our PTA officers was arrested for stealing funds. Yesterday an angry mother (angry because I insisted she cannot send her children to school while they are infested with lice) took a swing at me--fortunately hitting the door next to me instead of my head. And one of our first-graders beat the tar out of his teacher in front of a horrified group of 6-year-olds. This morning I had to call the police for that same mother, who made a scene and refused to leave my clinic after being asked twice.

Welcome to inner-city public school nursing. I don't recall it being this bad last year, and I'm concerned that we're at this level this early in the year!


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OW-old gf from 1986
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H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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Sounds like one of the two schools I teach at....my students start next Thursday.
But hey, you have a PTA?! And funds?!

I don't envy the job you have - working with the parents can be more stressful than the kids!

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oh, much more stressful. altho this family was just so delightful all the way around. little heathens (3rd and 4th grade, old enough to know better) were tearing the place up, breaking equipment, and picking the lice out of their hair to spread around.

re:funds--we're a "full-purpose partnership" school and get a lot of funds from all over. PTA is basically just the president!


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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