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#1847022 - 09/29/09 07:49 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Quote:
A&K,

I think the most important message to send to the WAS in the things that you do and say is: "I will have a happy life with you or without you. You are not essential to my happiness." It leaves the door unblocked to reconciliation, but it also is a green light for you to move forward without him.


Yes, that has been consistently conveyed. However, I will never ever be a good enough actress to pull off that my optimal isn't having my family together. Call me "scr*wed" because I also don't think I can consider reconciling with him either. sick

Not everyone is a great actor but you can pull it off by living it. I can't imagine too much of the DBing stuff really works when its fake acting. I see people recommend it but if you don't feel it you're not going to fool anyone....

YOU CAN LIVE IT and make it real!!!
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1847025 - 09/29/09 07:52 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: Kettricken]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: Kettricken
Let it ride, sweetie. You have had some actual human-sounding conversations with him, not just spew, and this is a LOT to process. No plan, no decisions for at least 48 hours. Digest.

Good advice!
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

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#1847032 - 09/29/09 08:00 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
So, can I talk? All I would tell him is that I am digesting it all.
_________________________


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#1847033 - 09/29/09 08:01 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: Thinker]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: Thinker
So I don't mean enforcement, or transparency, etc. I am picturing something more like:

H: There's a great show here, do you want to go? (or "can I come over" or "do you want to go to this party" or. )

A&K: Are you still seeing OW?

H: Uhhh, Yes.

A&K: Then, No.

---

It's more of a way of saying "I am fine and happy and moving on without you. I'm not going to compete with her in any way. If you want to court me, then end it with her first"

It's the only way you can be clear whether he is playing you and keeping his options open, or whether he is sincere when he makes moves toward you. It's the only way that you can be sure he faces his own issues and mistakes.

If I am hearing you correctly, the only way you would consider reconciling is if he is sincere, faces his issues, and corrects his mistakes.

This sounds right to me. It's not an ultimatum and its completely consistent with moving forward while leaving room for potential reconciliation.

I would imagine that you (A&K) are swimming in all sorts of thoughts and emotions right now and have little bandwidth to absorb or process this stuff. It makes sense to try to slow things down if you can. He's probably dieing to get at your reaction but you need to take control of the cadence.
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

Top
#1847037 - 09/29/09 08:04 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: aliveandkicking]
pearlharbr Offline
Member

Registered: 12/08/08
Posts: 2204
I would stick to Kettricken's advice on a 48-hour break. Text H and tell him you can't talk today, later in the week is better for you.
_________________________
If you love somebody, set them free.
http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g

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#1847039 - 09/29/09 08:05 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Thanks.


Edited by aliveandkicking (09/29/09 08:05 PM)
_________________________


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#1847041 - 09/29/09 08:07 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: aliveandkicking]
tristan Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 719
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
So, can I talk? All I would tell him is that I am digesting it all.


Personally, I would let it go. It can be hard to stop a conversation after it starts.
_________________________
Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1

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#1847043 - 09/29/09 08:08 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: aliveandkicking]
RedSoxFan Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/09
Posts: 573
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
So, can I talk? All I would tell him is that I am digesting it all.

No
_________________________
AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread

Top
#1847048 - 09/29/09 08:16 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: RedSoxFan]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Don't kill me. I texted, "what's up?" and he said he just wants to see how I'm doing after last night.

My brain is mush at the moment.


Edited by aliveandkicking (09/29/09 08:18 PM)
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#1847052 - 09/29/09 08:22 PM Re: Part f*cking deux... [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Oh, and two messages. WTF? He just wants to know that mommy isn't mad at him???
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