[quoteWhat I have come to realize, at least for the time being, is that my negative feelings or lack of attraction to my W right now is likely due to my needs not being met (the empty love tank/bank thing). So, while I am not feeling my feelings for her right now, they are still there, just sort of hibernating. It will take my W making deposits in my love tank/bank to awaken those feelings. But, I think the feelings are still there. ] [/quote]
You want some deposits in your love bank?! Do you know the answer or do you want me to spoon feed it to you? You can get out of limboland. You are a smart man, you've been doing the work, what's holding you back?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Don't want to hijack the thread, but I know the answer, and I've been working on that. And I will keep working on that to draw her to a point of wanting to work on/discuss the M.
So, I will continue to -open up to her to allow her into all areas of my life -flirt -be confident and strong -maintain a PMA -be a leader in our M -listen to her, really listen
Late in the day after a lot of meetings. Am I missing anything (sure I am)?
i'm whispering - fill her love buckets, make it about her without giving up yourself, be confident enough to practice true giving without expectations
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yeah, if this comes back together, it's going to take a lot of work for me to be right with it again.
Well, W is keeping her lawyer, but wants a to proceed collaboratively. This doesn't look good.
I went to "Divorcecare" meeting tonight. It was a good experience. Glad I went. Good spend time with people who can relate.
Another one of those days where I felt like I was walking around with broken glass in my chest. I miss my W. Well, came home, said a few words, and came in here to the computer.
W has agreed to go to Retrouvaille. We have one locally the weekend of 10/9. I'm getting information, she's checking with MIL to take care of the kids.
She said she's not making any promises, and I said I want to make sure I've done everything I can, and she agreed.
We talked a bit about all this.
She said that something came out in the counciling session we had, where I made some statement that she's nurturing; her response is that she's felt that she's had to take care of me. I said that, whatever happens, I've realized that I need to find balance in my life and be able to take care of myself.
And she said: and to be happy! She said, that's killed her, that it's one thing to "fall out of love" with someone, which she views as "feeble" - but she felt like she had to pull back because I was unhappy. (Work stress)
Then she said that, part of her feels almost selfish in getting to spend a weekend with me, that there's a part of her that still loves me.
That's really good new, Bill. And October 9 is not far off at all. Keep doing what you are doing to keep things pleasant at home. Notice when she does something nice and compliment her on it. Say hello and goodbye. Try to be helpful. The little things really mean a lot. Treat her at least as well as you would a stranger.
When I brought up "for the sake of the boys", she stopped me and talked about sensitive she is on that. She's feeling a lot of guilt.
Bill, you are right, she IS feeling a lot of guilt. And that's ok. You don't want to save her from this, but you also don't want to make it worse - then YOU become the problem in her mind.
Also, if she decides to come back, you want it to be for the right reasons. Guilt is NOT one of those right reasons. Love for you and the family IS a right reason.
