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#1837584 - 09/14/09 04:54 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: frank_D]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
See, the other mistake I made 3 years ago in my 'successful' DBing and bringing my W back then was that I didn't address the underlying issues that caused my alcoholism.

I had stayed sober for a year and we reconciled. But 18 months later we were back to square 1. I felt unsupported, was drinking at night and W bailed on me again. This time it was worse.

It's taken me a while to get to the place where I am working on my issues, alcoholism and other things. I'm not perfect and I am doing the best I can.

The paralegal we have doing or divorce commented to me today that 'you both seem to care about what happens to the other person'.

Too bad it's not enough to keep our family and us together.
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#1837628 - 09/14/09 05:46 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: frank_D]
KerryK Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5992
Loc: Beaver State
You are sounding like you have taken control of your life. I like "The Warriors Quest" attitude.

If you have a chance, your excellent advice may be helpful for K4D (Kevin) over in newcomers...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804393

He has had problems with alcohol and seems to have some trouble letting go and working on himself.
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Young divorced dad who lives half the time with a wonderful son (10) and daughter (8).

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#1837697 - 09/14/09 09:01 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: KerryK]
Bworl Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 2895
Loc: North Carolina
Frank,

I highly recommend, Wild at Heart , by John Eldridge.

It is right up the alley to what you are thinking lately.

I think you'll find it challenging.

Blessings,

Bill
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"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

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#1837803 - 09/15/09 01:11 AM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: Bworl]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
Originally Posted By: Bworl
Frank,

I highly recommend, Wild at Heart , by John Eldridge.

It is right up the alley to what you are thinking lately.

I think you'll find it challenging.

Blessings,

Bill


I have it. This is almost like 'Groundhog Day'. 3+ years ago I did the same things, except this time I 'get it'.


weird
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#1838015 - 09/15/09 12:10 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: frank_D]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11331
Frank,

I want to point something out and seriously I am not being an ass when I do, soemthing I want to convey because I think it is important.

Over the course of the last several years, you pointed out your mistakes in the past, but rather than point them out and move on, you dwelt on them. It was like you flogged yourself over and over again and you were unable to move past those mistakes and almost like you wanted people to point out how horrible of a person you were. Self mutilation.

Frank,
Figure out the mistake, do your best to avoid it, but live for today and tomorrow. 3 Years ago was a different Frank, as was 2 years ago as was a month ago.

We all sucked three years ago. And hell I'm better today than yesterday, even Mach if he were here and not banned would agree.
As should you.

Do not fall into this pattern again.

Yeah?
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#1838156 - 09/15/09 02:51 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans

Over the course of the last several years, you pointed out your mistakes in the past, but rather than point them out and move on, you dwelt on them. It was like you flogged yourself over and over again and you were unable to move past those mistakes and almost like you wanted people to point out how horrible of a person you were. Self mutilation.

Frank,
Figure out the mistake, do your best to avoid it, but live for today and tomorrow. 3 Years ago was a different Frank, as was 2 years ago as was a month ago.

We all sucked three years ago. And hell I'm better today than yesterday, even Mach if he were here and not banned would agree.
As should you.

Do not fall into this pattern again.

Yeah?


I'm breaking the pattern. That is a goal. I AM much better today than I was 3 years ago - or even 3 weeks ago.

Thanks Jack.
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#1838274 - 09/15/09 04:35 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: frank_D]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
The biggest thing I have learned is that I like to be of service to others. I took that away from myself. Now I'm taking it back.
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#1838277 - 09/15/09 04:38 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: frank_D]
brandnewday Offline
Member

Registered: 04/25/05
Posts: 9678
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow
You can come and clean my kitchen floor Frank, that would be an incredible act of service.

I am still sick...blech!
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There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.

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#1838317 - 09/15/09 05:06 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: brandnewday]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
Originally Posted By: brandnewday
You can come and clean my kitchen floor Frank, that would be an incredible act of service.

I am still sick...blech!


Especially since I'm on the west coast and you're on the east coast! Hope you feel better.
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#1838927 - 09/16/09 04:03 PM Re: The Warriors quest [Re: frank_D]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
Today I'm working on depression with D14. She called me to pick her up from school at 8 am because she 'felt like throwing up'. This is code speak for 'something is bothering me and I just want to go isolate'.

The school nurse made me take her home. She wanted to go to her moms apt where she usually lives. However, on weekdays she come to the house after school and I saw no reason to let her go isolate.

So, she's here and just depressed. I've been taking with her trying to cheer her up but I also have to work.

I am guessing that it's just the whole family situation, the OM, and everything else. I'm doing the best I can to be there but I think she just needs some space and consistency.
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