Hi Julia, How are you? There is something different happening lately. H seems to want to be in contact. I took a risk to ask if I could phone next time. His positive response was not what I expected. And of course, If I suggest calling he could still very well say no.
He hasn't mentioned finances except today he said he had a massive mortgage. I was wanting to reply,"Well that was your choice" but instead I went for the more upbeat and said "I can only suggest you find yourself a wealthy and generous lover" He replied, "Prob need 2 or 3" The finance stuff is just on holiday. it will be back very soon, I imagine.
So now I need to think about my next contact. walks and texts have a tick, birthday dinner a cross. I might get him a lotto ticket as my contribution to his mortgage.
All sounds positive Cas. The next step of course would be to establish phone contact and see how it goes from there. Continue to be patient and have no expectations. You seem to be doing well indentifying what does and doesn’t work.
Well done for biting your lip re the mortgage, it's that sort of comment that normally slips out and creates a backslide.
Tonight H forwarded me a copy of a charity newsletter that he receives and told me to check out one of the photos in it because he thought one of the women in the photo looked like my best friend. (He was right too, it did look like her.)
This is the first time he has initiated contact on anything other than essential business/kid stuff.
Hi Bonny, Good suggestion........I think you're right about him retreating, I will just keep quiet over the weekend. I did reply to the email just to comment that the lady did look like friend.Nothing further on finances at this point but it does need to be done, regardless.
I usually don't give too much thought to ow but occasionally I hear of an outing they have planned and it really gets to me!! They are going with another couple from work to the races on Tuesday. They did this last year, too. I know I can't control it but I guess I'm writing here to acknowledge it and then say, to myself, "Get over it!"
I just posted on my thread. My topic is the same as yours.
I can't figure this out either. It's simple sometimes. We can't get over it. I don't know how, Lord knows I have tried. I just can't.
It literally eats me up when I hear of him with someone else. Of course, in the back of my mind, I know the truth about H being with someone else. It's still cuts me hard though.
Cas, it's too much to handle. You would think after all this time we have been doing this we would be harder in thought and carefree about it.
"Get over it" for me isn't an option, I have proven it's not.
I don't want my marriage to end.
(((((Cas)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
The thing is Sanderika that I sense H moving closer to me with the house tour, the texting, the email, saying that I can phone him and then I hear of their day out and it really gets to me. I guess I then feel as if it's a waste of time, and I've just allowed greater cake eating. Then I feel defeated.
Way back the DB coach said not to focus on ow at all.
However, when I look at it from ow's pov she's not getting the real H either. She sees him once ot twice a week and the outings are the things that suit H.
I've got Christmas in mind and then I'll reassess. I'm not really interested in friendship, just civil dealings with him.
H emailed me today; "Hi,I told the kids last week I would not be able to have dinner with them this Tuesday, as I will be going to the races. I hope this will not cause a problem. I will find another night to make up.thanks,H"
Eventhough I am pi$$ed that he has a social life I notice a difference in his messages- still doesn't use my name but the rest feels warmer to messages from the past.
