One final thing guys...going dark will be a real 180 for me and I am going to need support. I am a people person. I like to keep contact and this will be a real challenge! Just warning you all!!!
Spoke to D and she says I should still come to dinner Tuesday so will get S's perspective first before I reply to H. The last dinner I made conscious efforts to draw H out. Perhaps I could go along this time and just see how it all flows without trying too hard.
It's not fair that's for sure but I guess it's up to me now. H knows we get along and he obviously still enjoys my company, otherwise he wouldn't have invited me to dinner after the formal, always drop in after the football or invite me to dinner Tues night. He's been playing it safe....popping in occasionally, dinner occasionally, visits to hospital but no commitment as friend or H. In the past I've said I've had enough but he's insisted we need to be friends, especially cos we have kids to deal with.
In his heart he knows he's stuffed up but fixing it all is just too hard....that's why he threatens divorce and to never see me again and a few days later he's chatting as if nothing has happened. I have to try this new strategy because I am running out of steam.
It is a real 180 so it will be challenging. I am a fix it so now I think have to at least try this
Sorry to move has been unsetting for you. It sh$t sometimes isn't it.
Once again I can see the similarities with my H - he insists on being friends, but only on his terms.
As for the meal, do you think you can handle it and remain cheerful, happy and calm? If not (don't think I could) perhaps you could be honest and tell him that you're unhappy with him involving OW in your family, it makes it awkward for the kids and the in-laws. How about suggesting that you don't go on tuesday, but reschedule the family meal for when it can be just the four of you. Gives you a chance to regroup your emotions.
The kids should be clear that they would be going out with OW and their grandparents and be able to make their own minds up whether they want to attend. Try not to influence them one way or the other. If you knock the OW to them it could turn against you at some time in the future. That is of course if you H and OW have a future (doubtful).
Tuesday's dinner would just be H, kids and in-laws-no ow so I would be perfectly comfortable and not run by emotion. It would be fine.(Our kids will never accept an invitation anywhere ow is and that's their choice. I don't enter into that. I certainly will never be in the same place as her.)
My concern is that by going to dinner I am saying to H it's ok to play happy family with his parents and ow and then his parents, kids and me.
The flip side is that I go and we have an enjoyable evening and H sees and feels that. I get along very well with his family.
D wants me there and I have yet to discuss with S. I will discuss with MIL tomorrow before I reply to H. I am just confused as to why H has included me!
Cas Would love to help you on this but as you know, I am in no place to give advice at the moment. I just hear that you trust in your MIL and so talking to her tomorrow before replying to H seems like a sage thing to do. You appear to be travelling OK and so I am confident that you will do the right thing ...
Good luck - sorry that I can't be of as much help as the experts but just to let you know that I am thinking of you and wishing you positive vibes. Stay cool - keep DB'ing...!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Thanks Nell. I appreciate your input, regardless of experience. It's all just perceptions. I am trying really hard to be fair but to protect myself a little. I have been a little emotional lately which is not my true self. However, I am feeling stronger today and I feel positive about the week ahead. You're right, my MIL is one of my best friends and I want to protect her and FIL as well. Cas
Well I gave quite a lot of thought to the moving day situation and I figured that after recent exchanges between H and I he would probably expect me to pass a negative comment on his treatment of the kids. So.....I thought I have to do something different here and so I sent him a brief text wishing him peace and happiness in his new home. He replied thank u. I decided this would be a surprise for him and a positive base for me to pull back...ie not seen to be out of contact because I was annoyed with him. Starting to think dinner could be another positive. H's parents are then gone and there will be no further reason for me to be in contact other than kids/business essentials.
